My Heart ... hurts

[worthless_boy]

My heart hurts, it´s crushing me.

Hi at all.

I dont know how to begin, i only ask to understand me and my situation.
(and sorry for my errible english, i give my best)

I begin to tell a story.

About 6 months ago, my girlfriend said to me: "It´s over ... i dont what you anymore".
We were at this time right one year together. And it was the happiest and best time of my hole life, and it was almost perfect, because i did many things wrong, not things like "cheating" or anything, i never would do something like this, .... anyway, she gave me in this year so much love that was enormous, i really learned "what loves mean". And then she said to me "It´s over" it was like an ... i don´t know how i can write this feeling"s" in words. But it was terrible, my heart crashed, it destroyed my hole world.
And still in this discussion, i fight, i think i can call this "fight", i fighted for her, i fighted for me, i want to know why, and i want that she came down and becomes calmer.

Than in the last months, i called her, 4 times or more. She was so cold aganinst me, that was not my "sweetheart".
And i dont know of she talked with me, because she knew how much pain she did to me, or to hear me, dont know.

And then it was approximately 4 weeks ago, i was like always in chat, to wait for her, as long as i can stay there to be for her, as she needs me ,... etc.
And in one moment she came "online" i was ... WOW so long time ago that she was here. and i talked to her, but it don´t was her it was cousin,
i was suprised, her cousin?! "where he have this password from this account?" he told me she gave it to him, because she had something to know about schoolwork, or something like that.
I spoke with him, about her and about "the weather" thus really normal things. and then he want to go, i was happy, and gone to my bed.
At the next day i go again in the chat and see that "she" wrote offline messages for me, and i read them but with every letter fom this words ....i .. it was like, a gun shots right into my heart, ... again and again.

She wrote she hate me, she dont want to see me anymore, she dont want to hear, to see me. i write this with tears in my eyes, and i dont know further.

What said this cousin to her, ... i can give her the chat ... i don know .
I want to speak to her, and thus i wrote an e-mail but dont know of this "guy" deletes my messages.

i really dont know further, i dontknow of i do already again the wrong.
I can´t call her, the number of the telephone changed...

as you read this... i only want to speak with you, i sit here already 6 months, i have almost every day nightmares, that laughing really hard...
It´s crushing me, really

Lotfan, give me the chance to speak with you. this forum is my only hope, to know what happens...

Bitte, ich weiss nicht mehr weiter mein schatz, ich schlafe kaum stehe halb6 auf und sitze da und weine... ich fühl mich so dreckig.

And i know that you have more pain then i could ever have, and i hope this is the "punish" that i told you from, and i hope you goes it now better.

----------------------------

[Cop]

vaghe'an mote'assefam bara etefaghi ke pish omade barat .. :( in zendegie...
to oono dos dari vali oon toro nemikhad pas che fayde hatta age bargashtid bara ham vali on toro nemikhad? so try to forget her... chon bargashtesh hich vaght mesle ghabl nakhahad bud o badtar az in khahad shod ...

[worthless_boy]

woah please say it in english i can´t speak farsi, or only a bit...

[worthless_boy]

blijf bij mij........

ik geef toe dat ik je mis
hoe ondraaglijk die pijn soms is
maar nu ben jij weer bij mij
de tijd die ging voorbij
ik kan je zien, ik kan je voelen
nu weet ik wat ze bedoelen
mijn ogen zoeken die van jou
de ogen waar ik zo van hou
en mijn hart trilt van verlangen
zou ik jouw hart kunnen vangen
even kijk je mij dan aan
de tijd lijkt zomaar stil te staan
mijn hart, mijn lijf,niet te beschrijven
mijn ogen vragen jou te blijven

[worthless_boy]

liefde doet pijn

ik wist niet dat liefde pijn kon doen
pijn tot in het diepste van mijn hart
mijn hart dat huilt om jouw!,om woorden die je nooit zult zeggen
om dingen die je nooit zult doen
zelfs niet die ene zoen
jouw hart is daar waar het moet zijn
ook al doet dat ontzettend pijn
maar het is goed zo! ooit gaat de pijn voorbij
en dan kijk ik in je ogen,en weten we alletwee
wat wij nu samen voelen,gaat een leven lang mee

[RedWine]

un vaght migan torki zabuneh badieh. hahahaha

[Anonymous]

so try to forget her...

I can´t she is a part of my life. she´s how "burned" in my heart.
I dont want to forget her, i dont kow why, ... mayb because i love her for the rets of my life...
I only want to speak to her, i must knew what happens with her...

[Nazanin]

That's a sad story, I'm deeply sorry to hear that. Have u ever thought that maybe the person who left u the offlines was the cousin & not her? Anyway, it's not like it matters because even if she's not the one who left them, SHE is the one who changed her phone number.
U may have a hard time believing me at this moment, but believe me that time will heal ur wounds, I promise u that.
I'm not saying that u'll be able to forget her & not think about her anymore, I'm just saying that u'll be able to ACCEPT the fact that she's no longer part of ur life.
When someone decides that they don't want u in their life anymore & that decision is FINAL, believe me that nothing u do will make them change their mind, on the contrary it makes them angry.
The 2 of u had a wonderful year together with many sweet memories, let it remain like that, don't make ur own life miserable as well as hers.
I've been in that kind of situation, I know what I'm talking about.
I didn't want to have ANYTHING to do with that person anymore but he just wouldn't give up, he literally HARASSED me & made my life a living HELL because he wouldn't giving up & was refusing to understand that I just didn't wanna have anything to do with him anymore.
The sooner u ACCEPT this fact, the sooner u can get on with ur life, because don't forget, LIFE GOES ON.
U're still alive, still breathing, still part of this world; therefore u still have a LIFE to get on with.
Sometimes u just have to accept things that come ur way & get on with ur life. U've done whatever u could in order to get her back, but she does not want u anymore, she's moved-on with her life, u need to do the same.
I understand that it's extremely hard & painful because u have all this love for her, but don't WASTE this love that u have, give it to someone who WANTS IT & is willing to give it in return.

[Riaz]

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss of such an important part of your life. But you know, later Romances will be so much more pleasant because of this.

Be not only the poet but also the poem, as some famous person said.
Appreciate your hardships as well as your joys because your reaction to both is a gauge of your sensitivity, passion...worth as a human being, which is very high.

[worthless_boy]

Thanks you, I know i do a very larger false, when i´m "stalking" her. i dont want this too, in the begin i does that, i thought "i must be here, to wait for here" i wrote many mails, i only want that she knew she is not alone, anybody also is he far away, is there and wait" but i did wrong i know this know. I pressurize her in such a way. i grown up, internally as mental. But i want hear her, here. She gone without to say "Why" she left me, she gone. i dont hate her, never i would do this, maybe i´m without any hope in your eyes, but I clip me to each indvidual rope that came (hope you understand) i came by coincidence here, and as i read her messages here, i red every single message she wrote here to know something, maybe she talked about me, i know she had, but dont know, i live very far away from her, thus it´s still more difficult, now it´s 5:43 pm (pm is after midnight??) and i slept very bad and very few.
I dont want to hear this from me, all this things, i´m an/was happy person, and i dont want this things.
But slowly I lose the courage to live.
I want hear her self here, and she must know what to do and what dont to do.

As she really hates me as she really don´t loves me, say it into my "eyes" not in chat or something like this, the last time she saw only my "bad side" but i´m a person noone is perfect and anyone has an bad and a good side. she forgot completely tha i have a good side.

[RoadRunner]

sorry to hear about ur heartche man..
but can u tell us how old u guys are?

[RedWine]

RR hamino begu,nemige chand saleshe !

[worthless_boy]

I´m 19 and she is 18.

[RoadRunner]

i c .. this must be ur first heartache then.
my advise is to let her go, and get on with ur life, if her love for u was real she will come back, and if she doesnt dont hate her or anything, remember the good moments u had together and cherish them.
dont let the hurt get u down, in time that pain will disapear, new love will come in your life, and if u r lucky u will not have go through the same again.
best wishes man.. keep ur head up and get on with your life.

[worthless_boy]

I came in this Forum in pure coincidence, but i knew, she is here registered. maybe it´s sounds stupid but it was like a branch at which I could hold me, during my fell from a high tree.

And i want to wait here, i have to know what happend

[Nazanin]

I suggest u read my post over & over again, it might end up making sense to u

[IQ]

My heart hurts



----------------------------




IQ boro cardialogist.

[worthless_boy]

@Nazanin, no i dont read your posts over and over, but it´s an very difficult situation, i´ve hurt her, because im spoke with her quzin. And i dont know what this guy told her what i said, i can send her the chat and she can read it. I only will that she looks here and read this posts, and hope that i can speak with her. she is so imporntant for me, i don´t want to give her up. The pain I fell ist not important. She must feel good, she must feel happy, that is everything i want.And i will try everything i want, that she can feel happy and feel well. And when she say she hates me and i have to leave her, than i do this, if it makes her happy.

But up to this point, i try to wait here.
Sorry guys that i´m so difficult, but i love her, of pure heart.

[worthless_boy]

I found her number back, her telphone number, but im so excited and i´m scared what she says. I called her now, but i "cut" the telephone call only i hear was "hallo" ... i feel like shit. I dont know

[Nazanin]

I understand that this is a very difficult time for u, but what she wants is for u to leave her alone because she's moved-on w/ her life & u need to do the same.
The fact that u keep contacting her will only make her more angry & will make her say things that'll hurt u because she's angry & wants u to leave her alone. So why would u want to hurt urself? She's making it very clear that she doesn't want u anymore; u pushing isn't gonna make her change her mind, trust me.
Just let her be & move-on, it's the best thing u could do for urself.

[worthless_boy]

@Nazanin, can I ask something?

You told that a former boyfriend "stalked"(stalker) you.

What had he done, that it felt like Hell.

Sorry that i ask, but i want to know that, because i dont want to be a Stalker, how i said I want to see her happy, nothing more, a smile from her, is so amazing. ..... oh god

[angel]

iam so sorry to c how u got hurt. in my opinion she is not worthy of ur love so why don't u save it for a person who will love u back in the the same way.it hurts but be brave. i know that love makes u blind but try and see her bad habits and how she hurt u. if she comes back to u can u ever guarantee that she won't won't leave again???? and put u through the same thing. have u ever thought about why she didn't give u any explanation???????? i tell u why coz she took u as a fool had her fun with u & now she need some one new so think hard about it is she what u want?

[worthless_boy]

Thx angel, but think only of her bad side, that´s something i can´t be.
I know I´m difficult to understand, but what i want is, that she have to tell me the truth what happens and saying to me in my eyes she hates me.

But please ... speak to me. One time and i go away ....

[worthless_boy]

http://www.hosting-place.de/upload/0505/33087-357898.jpg

[angel]

look darling if she had the guts & good reason she would have told u but it seems to me that she had never loved u in the first place & she dosent have any respect nor 4 love or 4 the good times u had so why should u beat ur self 4 such a creature that hasen't got any heart.im sure if she had any explanation she would have enterd as a guest in forum and defended her self.
look i might not know u but would u do something 4 me? change ur user name coz im sure u not worthless, think of people who love u iam sure u worth alot 2 them.

[worthless_boy]

She loves me really, she showed me what is real love, she showed me, to love about things, where you laugh alone when yo are drunk. I learned from her, and i still learn from her, learn how to be a good person, learn how to be strong, and believe, now i woud like to cry .... but i promised her i´m strong i promised her to love her. Ja mijn schat ... ik beloof het ik laat jou nooit alleen en ik vergeet jou niet. Madabozorge man Man to ra doost daram

[Riaz]

Madabozorge man Man to ra doost daram

:?

[Riaz]

angel's right

[Nazanin]

@Nazanin, can I ask something?

You told that a former boyfriend "stalked"(stalker) you.

What had he done, that it felt like Hell.

He wasn't my bf, although there were feelings involved. He was deeply in love, I wasn't.
Let me spare u the details & just tell u that when someone makes a decision like that, when they make it very clear that they don't want u in their life anymore & that it's over, it means that it's OVER.
If there were to be any hope for the 2 of u to get back together, it would've happened by now, trust me.
The fact that u keep on insisting & trying to contact her is only gonna make her angry at u, & at one point she's gonna be so angry that she'll say mean things that'll hurt u ever more.
Just accept the fact that it's over & MOVE ON w/ ur life, she certainly has, it's time u did the same.
I told u already, it's not easy, there's gonna be a lot of sleepless nights/tears/heartache, but it'll PASS, I promise u.
It's just smtng u have to go through in order to get on w/ the rest of ur life. Why would u want to hurt urself? Because by doing what u're doing, YOU are the one who's going after the pain, if only u would accept that it's over between the 2 of u, u would be able to move on.
Why would anybody wanna hurt themselves on purpose?
I understand that u want to speak to her one more time, but what's that gonna do? Huh? What's it gonna change? If smtng were to change, it would've happened by now. U speaking to her once more is only going to get u more hurt & make it harder to let go.

[angel]

i coldn't put it any better.listen to nazanin she is totally right & im sure she is talking from experience.

[peaches]

i coldn't put it any better.listen to nazanin she is totally right & im sure she is talking from experience.im sorry to hear that ur heart hurts. i know how u feel, as i have been hurt befor.as other may told u this b4 this maybr ur first love, thats why it hurts more and u think u can not love another and may seem impossible. but in time u will fall for some one eles who is worthy of ur love, and love u for who you are. shes the past let her go, talking to her wont change anything.

[RedWine]

i coldn't put it any better.listen to nazanin she is totally right & im sure she is talking from experience.im sorry to hear that ur heart hurts. i know how u feel, as i have been hurt befor.as other may told u this b4 this maybr ur first love, thats why it hurts more and u think u can not love another and may seem impossible. but in time u will fall for some one eles who is worthy of ur love, and love u for who you are. shes the past let her go, talking to her wont change anything.18 salet keh bishtar nist ! hala hala ha vaght dari ! real love ya nemiad ya ageh biad vaghean mimuneh !.

[peaches]

redwine, my farsi is not good, so say it in english

[RedWine]

peaches . you are 18 years old,you are so young! & you even have long time,the love does not come when you need it!but when the true love comes,it is for always and you are going to enjoy this love.

You must to know yourself very good then you can undrestand,what are you lookin' for or who deserve you and who not.

be happy ;) .

[peaches]

redwine, i know im only 18, but i have only been in love with one guy for a year now, but he doesnt care, but u cant help who u fall for, it just happens no age limit,. how old are then if u dont mind me asking, and have u been in love before.

[RedWine]

redwine, i know im only 18, but i have only been in love with one guy for a year now, but he doesnt care, but u cant help who u fall for, it just happens no age limit,. how old are then if u dont mind me asking, and have u been in love before.I have around 30,and once I have fallen in love :) .

[peaches]

well then u know how it feels.

[RedWine]

yeah..! i know..is very hard!! but now i like someone and i think maybe someday i can to love her .

[RedWine]

peaches are you in States ?! half persian,i hope ;) .

[peaches]

no in england, i am persian, nut been in england since 9years lod. i understand when spoken to, but not very good speaking back.

[RedWine]

no in england, i am persian, nut been in england since 9years lod. i understand when spoken to, but not very good speaking back.Is ok my dear.welcome to Tapesh.com and nice to meet you ;) .

[peaches]

right, thanks,nice to meet u to.

[peaches]

and hey hope all goes well with that peerson and makes u happy.

[peaches]

hey do u know, i tried put my pic on new faces but didnt work, how do u do it.

[RedWine]

peaches are you Reg. ?

[peaches]

no, whos reg

[RedWine]

LoL ! Register u should be registred then u login it and u can put your pic over there,you can to put your pic in Tapesh.com/forum , General Discussion,
the topic is Official Tapesh Photo Album,in page 4 .

[peaches]

oh,rite yeah i am registered, but it didnt work i tried yeaterday

[RedWine]

Hmm,strange ! i will ask it from Admin ! don't worry .

[peaches]

ok, thanx

[RedWine]

ok, thanxDe nada señorita ;) .