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One morning, after I woke up, and after everyone else had run downstairs and I was left to do the beds, I looked down and there she was, Shahnaz lying down on the balcony with a sheet, as always, slightly covering her and slightly not. Hmmm … I wondered!
I don’t think I ever had a crush on her, I was just curious. I overcame any concern I could think of at that age, or any punishment, as a consequence of what I was about to do – It actually didn’t take long and I don’t think I thought any. I grabbed the big long stick that kept our Pashe Band (e.g. Mosquito tent) erect, and reached down to Shahnaz’s sheet, and with the hook at the end of the stick I attempted not only removing the sheet, but also trying to pull up her s***t like pajamas.
Well … why did I think she would not wake up or why did I think I would get away with it?! All the odds were against me, the time (body clock), waking up habits, the rising noise outside, the sun which was on me already and just about to hit her, everything indicated that she was either up or ready to get up. But you know boys at that age – I take it back, at any age – Men think with their … (yes, men think with their dots!).
As soon as I pulled that damned sheet off, Shahnaz was up – That girl was up the entire time and was waiting for it – She grabbed that stick so lightning fast I didn’t even get a chance to blink. Not only smaller than her back then (e.g. I may still be), I was also in a higher and weaker position. All she had to do was to hang on to the stick and yank it … and there you have it! I fell and landed on their beds, in their balcony, and then onto her, painfully !!!
This is the perfect usage for “Gooz Malagh Shodan”.
It made a loud noise, and although I landed on the bed and I did not break anything, it happened all too sudden and it was still very painful. I got up as quickly as I fell and I don’t know how I climbed that wall back to our roof – I was up there long before her mother got to the balcony, said something to Shahnaz, and quickly left. Yes, I made it ok to our own roof, safe, with one little caveat: She had the Pashe band stick and as I was climbing the wall, she grabbed my pajamas and pulled it off my legs!
I still can’t remember how I climbed that wall but I remember I did it with one hand as I was grabbing my underwear from being pulled down along with the pants. After a bit of begging, she threw the pants back at me as her mother walked onto the balcony. She kept the stick though.
Was I more embarrassed about what had happened, or more afraid to explain to my parents how I lost the Pashe band stick and how it came into her possession …?
I finally decided: “Shanhanz, oon choobe Pashe band ro mishe bedi? Lotfan?”, ( Would you give me that Mosquito net stick, PLEASE) “Naa baba” (e.g. No surry) she said. “Toro Khoda?!!”, (For Heaven’s sake) I begged, and reached for the stick, from up there but carefully making sure I wasn’t going to fall again. “Joone Madaret bedeh”? (e.g. To your Mother’s soul, please?) I kept asking, and “Boro baba” (No way) and “Boro Be Binam” (get lost) was her response.
“Shahnaz khodeto chos nakon, choobamo bedeh”, (don’t be such an ***, give me that stick) to which she replied “Hala ke harfe zesht zadi aslan behet nemidam” – (now that you used fowl language, I will never give it to you) “Bebakhseed Shahnaz – Be khoda digeh harfe bad nemizanam, mishe choobe pashe bando bedi?” (I am sorry – I am sorry – I swear to god, I will not say anything bad, ever again, can I have that stick?) – “Aval begoo to khodeto chos kardi, na mann”, (You first have to admit that it is you who is an ***, not I) she insisted – “Bashe”, (OK) I nodded, “Na, bayad begee”, (Nope – You have to say the whole thing) “Bashe, man khodamo chos kardam”, (Ok – I was being an *** and acted like a fart) “Begoo Ghalat karadam va Goh Khordam”, (admit it and say that you did something bad and you eat shit) she asked – “Bashe – Ghalat kardam va Goh Khordi”, (I did something pretty bad and you ate shit) I responded, after which she pretended that she was leaving, I corrected myself “be-bakhsheed, be-bakhsheed, ghalat kardam va Goh Khordam”. (sorry, sorry, I did)… Well, after she hit me a few times with the stick, and a couple of times in the head as I was trying to grab the stick out of her hands (Zad Vasat e Maghze Saram – Right in the middle of my head), she finally gave me back the stick.
What a relief it was to get my precious stick back, such a worthless, yet so precious piece of wood !! I packed the beds, hid that painfully paid for stick, and ran downstairs.
Later on my sister said: “Fekr mikonam inn Shahnaz divoonas – Emrooz sobh dasht ba choobesh ye cheezi ro mizad, az in pa’yeen hame joonesh peyda bood.” [I think Shahnaz was losing it today. I saw her this morning on their balcony and she was playing with a piece of wood and hitting our roof – From down here, I could see her undies.!!!]
Shahnaz came to our house after breakfast and we were playing LeyLeh (hopscotch) shortly after, as if none of that stuff had happened … -
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