In Memory of Armageddon

[donsaeid]

A retired pharmacist was having trouble with his memory. He couldn't remember anything and his wife was having trouble with her memory, too.
The pharmacist read in the paper one evening about a memory doctor who could help restore memory. He called his wife over and told her to read the ad. She thought it sounded pretty good and said, "I think we ought to see that doctor."
He said, "I think we should, too." So, they went to see the memory doctor.
After seeing the doctor for about 6 weeks, the pharmacist and his wife went down to the senior citizen centre and ran into one of their old friends.
The friend said, "I understand you're going to the memory doctor."
The pharmacist said, "Yes, that's right; we're both going."
His friend asked, "Is he any good?"
"Is he any good?" said the pharmacist, "He's the best doctor we've ever been to, he's really good!"
His friend said, "You know, I'm having trouble with my memory, too. I think I ought to see that doctor. What's the doctor's name?"
The pharmacist hesitated, "What's the doctor's name...what's the doctor's name?" He said, "Look, there's a flower with a real long stem, the stem has little green leaves and there are thorns sticking out of the stem. At the top of the stem is a big bulb flower that comes in all different colours. What do you call that?"
His friend said, "Why, that's a rose."
The pharmacist said, "Yeah, that's right, rose." He turned to his wife and said, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of that doctor we've been going to?"

[donsaeid]

Armageddon goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure.
Then, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.
He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."
Armageddon thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.
This goes on for a couple more farts.
Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."

[donsaeid]

So God calls to Armageddon and says, "Armageddon, I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?"
Armageddon replies, "The good news."
God answers, "Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain."
Then Armageddon says, "OK, so what's the bad news?"
And God says, "I only gave you enough blood to operate one at time."

[abadani69]

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