F in Math "rated R"

[RoadRunner]

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic and a spanking.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f***ing difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!

[RoadRunner]

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After he picks out the perfect bike, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust. The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains, and everything will be fine.
A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts and the date is set. At the appointed time, he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parent's house. Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner does the dishes.
After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break the silence and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one
says a word. Emboldened, he slips his hand under her blouse and fondles her breasts. Still no one says a word. Finally, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. No one says a word.
Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws HER on the table. They have even wilder sex. Still no one speaks.
By now he is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he gets his jacket, reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline. The father says, "Okay dammit, I'll do the dishes!

[Nazanin]

loooooooooooooooooool kheili bahal bood

[RoadRunner]

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says, "One." The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" Kid says, "$101,237.64."
Boss says, "$101,237.64? What did you sell him?" Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."

[Nazanin]

loooooooooooool good oneeeeee!

[RoadRunner]

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife. We'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the Jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says, "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The husband says," no - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."
Her face gets really red and she is about to explode and then the Husband says, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man!!!

[RoadRunner]

A man went skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seemed like days, he was ready to go. Excited, he jumped out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulled the ripcord. Nothing happened. He tried again. Still nothing. He started
to panic, but remembered his back-up chute. He pulled that cord. Nothing happened. He frantically began yanking both cords to no avail.
Suddenly he looked down, and he couldn't believe his eyes. Another man was in the air with him, but this guy was going up! Just as the other guy passed by, the skydiver yelled, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?"
The other guy yelled back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

[RoadRunner]

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked:
"Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask:
"Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said:
"It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."


*** hahah khanoma alan eshgh mikonan ***

[Nazanin]

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

Khoobesh kard shohare

[RoadRunner]

hahaah chizi ke avaz dare geleh nadare.. shoharam ghashang talafi dar avord

[Nazanin]

Khoobesh kard, haghesh bood

[RoadRunner]

hahah
are.. karesh namardi bod lool

[Nazanin]

Vay didi bazi az in zana khodeshoono loos mikonan o "emotional" bazi darmiyaran? "I just want u to hold me tonight" looooool

[RoadRunner]

yeah lol
been there had that lol

[Nazanin]

looool khodaeesh kheili badam miyad az in harf, hamasham too in film ha, ketabaee ke mikhoonam o ina, ino mibinam.
Chand nafar in harfo az kasane dige shenidan bad ina ham tekrar mikonan, they just repeat what they hear elsewhere "us women stick together" type of thing lol