Why We’re Ashamed To Be American ?

[Rasputin]

[Rasputin]

[Rasputin]

William Kristol. We're not sure what we're most ashamed of: the systemic nepotism responsible for the retardocon's success; the major newspaper that recently hired him in the alleged spirit of "balance"; or the small amount of pleasure we derive from reading his atrocious prose and lame-*** attempts at "high" cultured diction to Manhattan-up his hard-hitting conservatism? Kristol's last Times column saw him take a break from massaging John McCain's nipples to gently stroke the fresh corpse of William F. Buckley. After plugging his prep school in the first line (Collegiate, 1970) Kristol falls back on the use of Latin phrases and Victorian poets to escape from his troubles with English and sound better educated than he is. How ashamed does it make us that moron like Kristol is taken seriously? Put it this way: he makes us appreciate the wit and genius of William Safire.

Alan Berg Factor: Three shots ring out in the capitol's cool dark night.

American women's voices. The anchor-lady monotone all American women have spent the last 20 years perfecting, so that all American women, no matter what they're saying, sound like they're reading the 10 p.m. newscast at a Midwestern midsize TV station summing up the day's stock market activity. Is there any other nation on earth infested with 150 million women who talk like transvestites with back hair?

Shame Factor:

Paul Thomas Anderson.

The other Anderson in the "Axis of Hackdom," Paul 3-Names wowed the Beigeocracy by--get this--holding extra-long shots on his actors as they have internal moments. Yup, in a country gone totally stupid, all you gotta do is walk out of the edit room for 10 minutes, and suddenly Rolling Stone stands and cheers your "rule-busting experimentation" while Roger Ebert creams that PTA's film is a, "A force beyond categories." Of course, Ebert also raved about Anderson's Punch Drunk Love, "[Adam] Sandler, liberated from the constraints of formula, reveals unexpected depths as an actor. Watching this film, you can imagine him in Dennis Hopper roles. He has darkness, obsession and power."

Jimmy Carter Factor:

The War on Drugs. The shame here is mitigated only slightly by the fact that public support is finally crumbling for the Prohibition gravy train. But you can still see anti-pot ads on American television cut from the same hemp cloth as the original Reefer Madness campaign that made shitty Mexican weed the gateway to Negro jazz musicians bending America's innocent daughters over a snare drum. The funny-sad thing is these ads are crammed between plugs for pharmaceutical drugs featuring animated butterflies and permanent sunsets on the beach. If the Office of National Drug Control Policy had a gram for every lie it ever told to justify WoD budgets, they'd make the Medellin cartel look like the BookMobile.

Shame Factor:

America's "Post-Racist" Delusion. Barak Obama may have a lot of detractors both among Republicans and Democrats, but if there's one thing all Americans can agree on, it's that Obama's rise to political stardom means that Americans are no longer racist. Yeah, right, and Uzbek jet pilots might fly out of our butts. When one of America's most painful issues, its racist history, is allegedly solved because white people vote for a moderate-conservative Wall Street black guy with male-magazine looks and a CNN voice which utters words carefully steering away from anything about the whole race issue that might upset people--in other words, every white American's Dream Negro--then all we can say is, like the midget lady in Poltergeist, "This house is clean." CUT TO: thunder, lightening, and suddenly the earth shakes as hundreds of millions of ghosts rise from the Red States, shocking pollsters, who were sure Obama was going to win!

Howard Zinn Factor:

[iraniandudeee]

Who said were American in the first place?