Give Each Other Space

[Rasputin]

[Rasputin]

This must be a friendly, caring discussion; don't go into such a discussion with a chip on your shoulder about your wants and needs, or repressed anxiety, or a general seriousness about "our relationship has to be like this or else" that really serves as an ultimatum.

These types of negative approaches will simply give rise to fears of rejection and will cause the conversation to be filled with self-defensive tactics that will not change anything.

If partner doesn't seem to understand, or expresses anxiety, do not say "it was just a thought" and drop it. Discuss why there is anxiety about your overly close relationship and gently show why things need to change to ensure that your relationship will keep strong. If you give up quickly, it will be near impossible to ever change things as both of you will recognize an unwillingness to reach to the root of the problem and unfurl the knots.

Having opened the door, you should accept your own advice, and not get picky or nag about your partner's new private time. If this bothers you now, think it through in advance; you cannot have your cake and eat it too. You must be prepared to forgo nagging suspicions about your partner's activities; this is an exercise in loving trust.

Remember the well-known saying by Richard Bach: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.

When things start to get better under your plan, resist pointing it out to your partner -- nobody wants anybody grading their life. If your partner volunteers a new found happiness, agree that this is making your relationship a happier and more stable one. Do not dwell, however, for the secret to relationships after solving the challenges is to keep them going with positive, unspoken understandings.

Keeping relationships under a microscope both causes and is, in itself, relationship pathology.

If partner is seriously opposed to you opening up your lives, it's time to look at your whole card and consider ending the relationship.

Only you can decide which is more important: the promise of eventual boredom, or having your partner remain in your life.