Marriage

[Rasputin]

Marriage is a relationship between individuals which has formed the foundation of the family for most societies. Marriage can include legal, social, and religious elements. In western societies, marriage has traditionally been understood as social contract between a man (husband) and a woman (wife), while in other parts of the world polygamy has been the most common form of marriage, usually in the form of polygyny (a man taking several wives) but occasionally in the form of polyandry (a woman taking several husbands). In some western societies today, same-sex marriages or civil partnerships are legally recognized.


Precise definitions vary historically and between and within cultures: modern understanding emphasizes the legitimacy of sexual relations in marriage, yet the universal and unique attribute of marriage is the creation of affinal ties (in-laws). Traditionally, societies encourage one to marry "out" far enough to strengthen the ties, but "close" enough so that the in-laws are "one of us" or "our kind". One exception to this rule is found in the marriage of royalty, who strengthen their aid through concentration of wealth rather than through affinal ties. Even in this case, the individual was often encouraged to marry "within" close family limits. (Further discussion and reference: Marvin Harris, late Professor of Anthropology, Columbia University)

Marriage remains important as the socially sanctioned bond in a sexual relationship. Marriage is usually conceived as a male-female relationship designed to produce children and successfully socialize them. Historically, most societies have sanctioned polygamy. The West is a major exception. Europe and the United States were monogamous cultures. This was in part a Germanic cultural tradition, a requirement of Christianity (after the sixth century CE), and a mandate of Roman Law. However, Roman Law supported prostitution, concubinage, sex outside of marriage, homosexual sex, and sexual access to slaves. The Christian West formally banned these practices. Globally, most existing societies do not sanction polygamy as a form of marriage. For example, China shifted from allowing polygamy to supporting only monogamy in the 1953 Marriage act after the Communist revolution. Most African and Islamic societies continue to allow polygamy (around 2.0 billion people). This includes India where polygamy is permitted for Muslim citizens. Probably, less than 3% of all Muslim marriages are polygamous. It is increasingly expensive in an Urban setting, but more useful in rural areas where children are a future source of agricultural labor. Most of the world's population live in societies where polygamy is less common and they are overwhelmingly monogamous. Since the latter decades of the 20th century many of society's assumptions about the nature and purpose of marriage and family have been challenged, in particular by gay rights advocacy groups, who disagree with the notion that marriage should be exclusively heterosexual. Some people also argue that marriage may be an unnecessary legal fiction. This is part of the general disruption of traditional families in the West. Since WWII the West has seen a dramatic increase in divorce (6% to over 40% of first marriages), cohabitation without marriage, a growing unmarried population, and children born outside of marriage (5% to over 33% of births), as well as an increase in adultery (8% to over 40%). A system of somewhat serial monogamy has de facto emerged. Still, legally sanctioned non-monogamous marriage arrangements are extremely rare.

[Rasputin]

In modern times, the term marriage is generally reserved for a state sanctioned union (although some people disagree). The phrase legally married can be used to emphasize this point. In the United States there are two methods of receiving state sanction of a marriage: common law marriage and obtaining a marriage license. The vast majority of US states do recognize common law marriage. Many localities do support various types of domestic partnerships.

Since the 12th century, marriage or holy matrimony has been a sacrament in the Catholic Church, as well as other Orthodoxies, where it is defined as a relationship between a man and a woman. The Protestant Reformation reformulated marriage as a life-long covenant. Marriage of some kind is found in most societies, and typically married people form a nuclear household, which is often subsequently extended biologically, through children. In the West the nuclear family emerged after 1100. Most non-Western societies have a broader definition of family that includes an extended family network. Alternatively, people may choose to be "childfree". Finally, they may be childless due to infertility, and possibly seek treatment or consider adoption. The term wedlock is a synonym for marriage, and is mainly used in the phrase "out of wedlock" to describe a child born of parents who were not married.

In the West, marriage has evolved from a life-time covenant that can only be broken by fault or death to a contract that can be broken by either party at will. Other shifts in Western marriage since WWI include: (a) Unlike the 19th century women not men get child custody over 80% of the time, (b) both spouses have a formal duty of spousal support (no longer just the husband), (c) Out-of-Wedlock children have the same rights of support as legitimate children, (d) in most states rape can legally occur within marriage and be punished, (e) husbands may no longer physically discipline or abuse their wife, and (f) in some jurisdictions, property acquired since marriage is not owned by the title-holder. This property is considered marital and to be divided among the spouses by community property law or equitable distribution via the courts. There is a growing debate about the form(s) that marriage should take. Two of the most hotly-debated variants are discussed below: same-sex marriage - legal in some countries such as Belgium, the Netherlands, Spain, Canada (and the US state of Massachusetts) by 2005 - and, polygamy.

[Rasputin]

Types of marriages

Western world
In the Americas and Europe, in the 21st century, legally sanctioned marriages are monogamous (although some pockets of society still sanction polygamy socially, if not legally) and divorce is relatively simple and socially sanctioned. In the West, the prevailing view toward marriage today is that it is based on a legal covenant recognising emotional attachment between the partners and entered into voluntarily.

Eastern world
Some societies permit polygamy, in which a man could have multiple wives; even in such societies however, most men have only one. In such societies, having multiple wives is generally considered a sign of wealth and power. The status of multiple wives has varied from one society to another. In the Muslim world, marriage is sanctioned between a man and a woman, but there are verses in chapter 4 of the Qur'an which state that in certain conditions a man is allowed up to four wives. In Muslim societies, the different wives are considered equal and must be treated as such. In Indonesia, the largest Muslim majority state, marriage is allowed between a man and a woman who profess the same faith, while atheists are not allowed to marry.

In Imperial China, formal marriage was sanctioned only between a man and a woman, although among the upper classes, the primary wife was an arranged marriage with an elaborate formal ceremony while concubines could be taken on later with minimal ceremony. Only the children from the official union were considered legitimate. To better control population growth after the rise of Communism, only strictly monogamous marital relationships are permitted, although divorce is a relatively simple process.

[Rasputin]

Polygamy, monogamy, and polyandry

Polyandry (a woman having multiple husbands) occurs very rarely in a few isolated tribal societies with limited resources. These societies include some bands of the Canadian Inuit, although the practice has declined sharply in the 20th century due to the change from tribal religion to the Moravian religion.

Societies which permit group marriage are extremely rare, but have existed in utopian societies such as the Oneida Community.

However, in 21st century Western cultures, while bigamy is illegal and sexual relations outside marriage are generally frowned-upon, divorce and remarriage have officially been relatively easy to undertake. This has led to a practice called serial monogamy. "Serial monogamy" usually refers to what occurs when a husband, usually of average to high socioeconomic status, divorces an older wife and takes on a younger wife. The younger wife is popularly referred to as the "trophy wife" by many who frown upon the practice. The modern practice of serial monogamy is strikingly similar to the marital practices observed in polygamous societies. Serial monogamy within the LGBT community refers to the practice of having one long-term relationship and then moving on to another. This practice is one of a few options for bisexuals, and is practiced by many gays and lesbians as well. (It can be argued that this is common with heterosexuals who aren't wanting or ready to "settle down" or who question the tradition heterosexual cultural norms of marriage. Whether heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual, these individuals would be offended at the view that their relationships weren't meaningful.)

[Rasputin]

Traditional cultures

Some traditional cultures still practice marriage by abduction, a form of forced marriage in which a woman who is kidnapped and raped by a man is regarded as his wife. This practice is limited to a few traditional cultures in a small number of countries, and is generally regarded as abhorrent by other cultures.

Marriage today in Belgium, The Netherlands, Canada, Spain

These countries have the particular possibility that same-sex couples as well as opposite sex couples may engage in marriage.

Although same-sex unions have been recorded in the history of a number of cultures, marriages between same-sex partners were rare or nonexistent in other cultures. Same-sex marriage remains infrequent worldwide, especially as it is not offered in most countries. However, some countries recognize same-sex marriage, including the Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, and Spain; in the United States same-sex marriage is legal in the state of Massachusetts. "Civil unions" are recognized in Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Greenland, Iceland, Germany, France, Portugal, New Zealand, the U.S. states of Vermont and Connecticut, and the United Kingdom; a growing number of American states and various localities, such as Maine, recognize domestic partnerships, which offer parity of spousal rights, to different degrees, with marriage.

[Rasputin]

Unique Practices

Some parts of India follow a custom in which the groom is required to marry with an auspicious plant called Tulsi before a second marriage to overcome inauspicious predictions about the health of the husband. However, the relationship is not consummated and does not affect their ability to remarry later. One should note that this is not a norm found across the entire Indian sub-continent.

In the state of Kerala, India, the Nambudiri Brahmin caste traditionally practices henogamy, in which only the eldest son in each family is permitted to marry.

In Mormonism, a couple may seal their marriage "for time and for all eternity" through a "sealing" ceremony conducted within the LDS temple. The couple is then believed to be bound to each other in marriage throughout eternity if they live according to their covenants made in the ceremony. Mormonism also allows living persons to act as proxies in the sealing ceremony to "seal" a marriage between ancestors who have been dead for at least one year and who were married during their lifetime. According to LDS theology, it is then up to the deceased individuals to accept or reject this sealing in the spirit world before their eventual resurrection. A living person can also be sealed to his or her deceased spouse, with another person (of the same sex as the deceased) acting as proxy for that deceased individual.

Other unusual variations include marriage between a living human and a ghost (Taiwan), a living human and a recently-deceased human with whom they were emotionally involved (France), and between a human being and God (Catholic and Orthodox monasticism). Again, these lack the social meaning of ordinary marriage and belong rather to the realm of religion or (in the case of weddings of dogs to other dogs, Kermit the Frog to Miss Piggy, and the like) pure spectacle.

[Rasputin]

Recognition

Couples usually seek social sanction for their marriages, and many societies require official approval of a religious or civil body. Sociologists thus distinguish between a marriage ceremony conducted under the auspices of a religion and a state-sanctioned civil marriage.

In many jurisdictions the civil marriage ceremony may take place during the religious marriage ceremony, although they are two distinct entities. In most American states the marriage may be officiated by a priest, minister, or religious authority, and in such a case the religious authority acts simultaneously as a religious authority and an agent of the state. In some countries such as France, Germany and Russia, it is necessary to be married by the state before having a religious ceremony. Some states allow civil marriages which are not allowed by many religions, such as same-sex marriages or civil unions, and marriage may also be created by the operation of the law alone as in common-law marriage, which is a judicial recognition that two people living as domestic partners are entitled to the effects of marriage. Conversely, there are examples of people who have a religious ceremony which is not recognized civilly. Examples include widows who stand to lose a pension if they remarry and so undergo a marriage in the eyes of God, homosexual couples, some sects of Mormonism which recognize polygamy, retired couples that would lose pension benefits if legally married, Muslim men who wish to engage in polygamy that is condoned in some situations under Islam and immigrants who do not wish to alert to the immigration authorities that they are married either to a spouse they are leaving behind or because the complexity of immigration laws may make it difficult for spouses to visit on a tourist visa.

In Europe it has traditionally been the churches' office to make marriages official by registering them. Hence, it was a significant step towards a clear separation of church and state and also an intended and effective weakening of the Christian churches' role in Germany, when Chancellor Otto von Bismarck introduced the Zivilehe (civil marriage) in 1875. This law made the declaration of the marriage before an official clerk of the civil administration (both spouses affirming their will to marry) the procedure to make a marriage legally valid and effective, and reduced the clerical marriage to a mere private ceremony.

[Rasputin]

Rights and obligations

Typically, marriage is the institution through which people join together their lives in emotional and economic ways through forming a household. It often confers rights and obligations with respect to raising children, holding property, sexual behavior, kinship ties, tribal membership, relationship to society, inheritance, emotional intimacy, and love.

Marriage sometimes: establishes the legal father of a woman's child; establishes the legal mother of a man's child; gives the husband or his family control over the wife's sexual services, labor, and/or property; gives the wife or her family control over the husband's sexual services, labor, and/or property; establishes a joint fund of property for the benefit of children; establishes a relationship between the families of the husband and wife. No society does all of these; no one of these is universal (see Edmund Leach's article in "Marriage, Family, and Residence," edited by Paul Bohannan and John Middleton).

Marriage has traditionally been a prerequisite for starting a family, which usually serves as the building block of a community and society. Thus, marriage not only serves the interests of the two individuals, but also the interests of their children and the society of which they are a part.

In most of the world's major religions, marriage is traditionally a prerequisite for sexual intercourse: unmarried people are not supposed to have sex, which is then called fornication and is socially discouraged or even criminalized. In practice, most of these societies have tacitly accepted sex between unmarried people if they marry as soon as pregnancy occurs (see shotgun wedding). Sex with a married person other than one's spouse, called adultery, is even less acceptable and has also often been criminalized, especially in the case of a person who is a representative of the government (e.g. president, prime minister, political representative, public-school teacher, military officer).

[Rasputin]

Weddings

The ceremony in which a marriage is enacted and announced to the community is called a wedding. A wedding in which a couple marry in the "eyes of the law" is called a civil marriage. Religions also facilitate weddings, in the "eyes of God." In many European and some Latin American countries, where someone chooses a religious ceremony, they must also hold that ceremony separate from the civil ceremony. Certain countries, like Belgium and the Netherlands even legally demand that the civil marriage has to take place before any religious marriage. In some countries, notably the United States, the United Kingdom, the Republic of Ireland and Spain both ceremonies can be held together; the officiant at the religious and community ceremony also serves as an agent of the state to enact the civil marriage. That does not mean that the state is "recognizing" religious marriages; the "civil" ceremony just takes place at the same time as the religious ceremony. Often this involves simply signing a register during the religious ceremony. If that civil element of the full ceremony is left out for any reason, in the eyes of the law no marriage took place, irrespective of the holding of the religious ceremony.

Whilst some countries, such as Australia, permit marriages to be held in private and at any location, others, including England, require that the civil ceremony be conducted in a place specially sanctioned by law (ie. a church or registry office), and be open to the public. An exception can be made in the case of marriage by special emergency licence, which is normally granted only when one of the parties is terminally ill. Rules about where and when persons can marry vary from place to place. Some regulations require that one of the parties reside in the locality of the registry office. Because of Australia's very lax rules on marriage, many famous people, including Michael Jackson and Elton John, have opted to marry in Australia, so as to have a private ceremony.

The way in which a marriage is enacted has changed over time, as has the institution of marriage itself. In Europe during the Middle Ages, marriage was enacted by the couple promising verbally to each other that they would be married to each other; the presence of a priest or other witnesses was not required if circumstances prevented it. This promise was known as the "verbum". As part of the Reformation, the role of recording marriages and setting the rules for marriage passed to the state. By the 1600s many of the Protestant European countries had heavy state involvement in marriage.

[Rasputin]

Marriage and religion

Many religions have extensive teachings regarding marriage. Most Christian churches give some form of blessing to a marriage; the wedding ceremony typically includes some sort of pledge by the community to support the couple's relationship. In the Roman Catholic Church "Holy Matrimony" is considered to be one of the seven sacraments, in this case one that the spouses bestow upon each other in front of a priest and members of the community as witnesses during a "Nuptial Mass". In the Eastern Orthodox church, it is one of the Mysteries, and is seen as an ordination and a martyrdom. In marriage, Christians see a picture of the relationship between Jesus and the Church. In Judaism, marriage is viewed as a coming together of two families, therefore prolonging the religion and cultural heritage of the Jewish people. Islam also recommends marriage highly; among other things, it helps in the pursuit of spiritual perfection. The Bahá'í Faith sees marriage as a foundation of the structure of society, and considers it both a physical and spiritual bond that endures into the afterlife. Hinduism sees marriage as a sacred duty that entails both religious and social obligations. By contrast, Buddhism does not encourage or discourage marriage, although it does teach how one might live a happily married life.

It's also worth noting that different religions have different beliefs as regards the breakup of marriage. For example, the Roman Catholic Church does not permit divorce, because in its eyes, a marriage is forged by God. The Church states that what God joins together, humans cannot sunder. As a result, people who get a civil divorce are still considered married in the eyes of the Catholic Church, which does not allow them to remarry, even if they are allowed a civil marriage. In some special cases, however, Catholics can be permitted an annulment. With a nullity, religions and the state often apply different rules, meaning that a couple, for example, could receive a divorce from the state and not have their marriage annulled by the Catholic Church because the state disagrees with the church over whether an annulment could be granted in a particular case. This produces the phenomenon of Catholics getting Church annulments simultaneously with state divorces, allowing the ex-partners to marry other people in the eyes of both the Church and the State.

Islam does allow divorce; however, there is a verse stated in the Qur'an describing divorce as the least desirable act allowed between people. The general rule is for a man to allow his wife to stay until the end of her menstrual period or for 3 months if she so wishes after the divorce. During this period they would be divorced in that they would simply be living under the same roof but not functioning as man and wife. The Qur'an scholars suggest that the main point is to prevent any decisions by the woman from being affected by hormonal fluctuations as well as to allow any heated arguments or differences to be resolved in a civil manner before the marriage is completely terminated. However, there is no obligation on the woman to stay, if she so wishes she may leave. The man is also obligated to give his wife a gift or monetary sum equivalent to at least half her mahr (gift or monetary sum which is given to the wife at the commencement of the marriage). Specific conditions as to how a divorce is conducted also apply if a woman is pregnant, or has given birth just prior to the divorce.

refer Qur'an 2:228-232, 236, 237, 241 and 65:1-7. See also 4:35.

[Rasputin]

Opinion !

Marriage advice
Why some work and some don't



Marriage is a two way street. If you treat your partner with respect and are honest with them (yes it does hurt sometime) you are one step ahead of a lot of people. The ones who have no respect or continuously lie to each other (no it can be about anything not just the big ones the little ones hurt too) have no hope for a future of love and happiness. They will either continue to live this way or end it in divorce after two or three kids and God only knows how many affairs. If they do stay together they begin to resent one another and then the snide remarks start.

It really bothers me when I see women cutting down the men they have married and most have been married to for a long time. Or vice versa when the man turns around cutting their wife down making them ashamed in public or even in front of their children. I wonder why they even bother staying married if they despise each other so much. The women laugh and make fun of them then they cry, rant and beg for them to come back after the same man goes and has an affair with another women and the men start to become more and more distant eventually going and betraying his wife. It is like a never-ending circle. Like they can't make up their minds whether or not they want to be with the other.

I have seen a lot of marriages end because either they got married on the basis of physical attraction or the fact they 'thought' they were in love. A lot of my friends that have been married are now divorced for the very same reasons. They thought they were in love and come to find out when they got married and lived together for awhile they find out what it truly means to be 'married'. When they find this out they then want out. They don't want the 'pressure' or the 'commitment' even though they took that vow.

I thought for a long time that it was just western marriages but I have noticed since I've been married to my husband, all nationalities are the same. It seems that the couples lose that emotion that brought them together in the first. It then turns into resentment then eventually into disgust and hate. The smart ones get a divorce but never seem to be satisfied even if they do get married again. The others go on living together like this for the rest of their lives. Either way it is a sad, sad way to live your life.

It comes to a point where the couple has to make a decision. Do they really love one another or was it just physical? Do I want to be with this person for the rest of my life? Can I be honest and trustworthy to this person? Can we truly love one another? Can I always be there (in spirit if not physically) for this person? These questions among others should be asked before you take that leap into commitment. They have to be honest with themselves as well as their respective other. If they can do this they will have a wonderful life.

I didn't say it would be easy; believe me it's not. You will have arguments, there will be times you probably will be very hurt. But in the end you will make it as long as you don't go out to seek revenge against the other. That is the biggest mistake you could ever make and you will regret it. You will begin to hate yourself as well as your spouse. Try to work it out and if you can't walk away. Just always be honest. Honesty is the key!!

Not all marriages are like this; in fact a lot of marriages do stand the test of time even though there is a lot of arguing and fighting (though the making up is fun). When they do and if honestly still enjoy each other's company then you know you've got it made. I am fortunate, I have been married for seven years and it feels as if we just met every time we see one another. He is a wonderful husband and father. He gives me and does everything I need. I could not ask for more. We have built our life on the simplest principle, 'we are honest to one another'. We never have lied to the other since the day we got married. Now we have had some very good arguments (but as I said before it is fun to make up) and sometimes we have to agree to disagree. In the end, we both know we will be together till the end.

I truly think that if people were honest with their respective other they would have less problems. Honesty is the road less traveled but if more people went that way there would be less divorces, less problems. Honesty does not only mean telling the truth if asked something, it also means when you go somewhere without your spouse you are 'honest' or 'trustworthy' enough that you won't lie or cheat on your other. If you can live by this simple idea, you will have a wonderful life. That doesn't mean that all problems will be solved, it just means that no new ones will come up because of a lie.

[Rasputin]

Why a bad marriage is worse for women than men

Why is it that married men are physically and mentally healthier than unmarried men, but for women in unhappy marriages, the reverse is true?

The answer may lie in differences in the way men and women process their spouses' and their own emotions, said University of California, Berkeley, psychologist Robert W. Levenson, PhD, at APA's 2001 Annual Convention.

Stressful, emotion-provoking situations, such as marital disagreements, can send people's hearts racing, among other physiological changes. But it's what men and women do once they're aroused that can affect their health, said Levenson. Researchers have found that those who have strategies to lower physiological arousal during stressful situations have better physical and mental health as well as higher marital satisfaction and stability.

Men are more likely to use such strategies, explained Levenson, because, "for husbands, the more physiologically aroused they are, the more negative they feel emotionally." However, "for wives, there's no significant relationship between how aroused they are and how badly they feel."

Such findings point to the possibility that men are in tune with their own emotions, while other research suggests women tune into their husbands' emotions.

For most husbands, when marital conflict produces negative emotion, "they experience higher autonomic arousal, they feel badly and they withdraw," Levenson said. When they remove themselves from the interaction, they down-grade their level of physiological arousal, and as a result, he believes, won't suffer any long-term harmful effects.

But when men don't withdraw from the situation and instead suppress their emotions, they become significantly more physiologically aroused--a less effective coping technique Levenson calls "stonewalling."

Because women's emotional experience doesn't always mirror their physiology, he explained, women may be physiologically aroused without actually experiencing negative emotions. If they aren't feeling bad, they attempt to stay engaged in the discussion while their husbands begin to withdraw or "stonewall"--leading wives to feel frustrated and even more stressed. In poor marriages, that continual heightened stress produces physiological responses in women than can lead to poorer health, Levenson theorized.

Another possible theory for unhappily married women's poorer health, said Levenson, takes into account how accurately married people can tell what their partner is feeling.

"Men and women are just as good at knowing what the other is feeling," he said. "However, there's a consequence of that that shows an interesting gender difference. When wives are accurately reading their husbands' emotions, they take on the physiology that their husbands are showing. Mean-while, husbands--who are just as good at knowing what their wives are feeling--don't show that kind of physiological activation."

These findings could mean that, in bad marriages where husbands are physiologically aroused, wives may take on their husbands' physiological arousal, resulting in additional long-term stress that can lead to women's poorer health.

[Dokhtar Bandari]

The most dangerous food is a wedding cake..lol
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# For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
# Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
# Any one must see at a glance that if men and women marry those whom they do not love, they must love those whom they do not marry.
# Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets.
# Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
# I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
# My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
# I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)
# Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
# An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit.
# English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.
# All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.
# My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
# The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
# Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
# A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
# God created sex. Priests created marriage. ~Voltaire
# The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite!
# If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
# The total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution. ~Bertrand Russell, Marriage and Mo
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