my first poem

[huebg]

hi guys....

i decided to write a poem but it is my first ever try at a farsi poem, so please read it and let me know what you think.....some parts kind of have to be read like a farsi poem though, so keep in mind this isnt the rigid grammar structure you were taught in school....

salam be hamegi, een avvalin shere farsiye mane, agar lotf koneed bekhoonid o be man begeed agar khoshetoon/badetoon omade bashe.....

mamnoonam.....


baraye man to hasti range gol
baraye man to hasti booye sombol
baraye man to hasti yek negahe omeed
baraye man to hasti noore pegahe khorsheed

ba'zi vaghtaa sakht mishe
larz be tanam mishine
ghalbam az dooriye eshgh meshki mishe
delam ro mohkam migire

amma siyahi baa yek kalaamet
hasf o gom mishe ham
bejaash mimoone paakiyet
baa atre eshghe shabnam

to ghalb o roohe mani
ziba o naz
man fars'am o
to shiraz

bemoon pisham, eshgham hasti
tanha ba to mishnaasam masti
man faghet yek shaakhe'am o toyi parvaaneh
man faghat yek sedaa'am o toyi taraneh....



thanks...

[kami joon]

huebg joon, It is a great poem. keep up the good work. Bazam az in poemha bego.

[nanakhafan]

ooooofayyyy jedi khodet gofti.....kheili ghashang boood

[maloosak]

akheyyyyy elahiiiiiii, kheily ghashange

[jjbb]

afarinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

[jjbb]

khob bazam az sherat inja bezannnnnnnnnnn

[persian_angel]

beatifuuuuuuul

jeddi jeddi ziba bo0od....
hala vase kiye?

[Snow]

awwww that's so cute and sad Huebg, baraye dafe aval kheily khooobbb gofti, bazam sher begoo, estedadesho dari

[huebg]

jeddi jeddi ziba bo0od....
hala vase kiye?

rastesh avvalesh ke neveshtam yekiyo too fekram dashtam, ba'desh khoobe khoob neshastam dar baarash fekr kardam, didam ke vaghe'an ravaabete maa doostane kheyli ghavitar va vaaghe'itar az yek ravaabete aasheghaanast. baraye hamine ke alaan dige baraye kesi nist

sher #2:

ghataar ghataar vayoomad
ghataare maa vayoomad
ghataar khooooooob bide
ghataar mofeeeeeed bide
khoob bid?

lol na alaan forsat nemikonam sher az khodam darvakonam. agar shod postesh mikonam.

[gg666]

ye 50 tomanam hatman bayad bedim...vali bahal bid...

rastesh avvalesh ke neveshtam yekiyo too fekram dashtam, ba'desh khoobe khoob neshastam dar baarash fekr kardam, didam ke vaghe'an ravaabete maa doostane kheyli ghavitar va vaaghe'itar az yek ravaabete aasheghaanast. baraye hamine ke alaan dige baraye kesi nist

sher #2:

ghataar ghataar vayoomad
ghataare maa vayoomad
ghataar khooooooob bide
ghataar mofeeeeeed bide
khoob bid?

lol na alaan forsat nemikonam sher az khodam darvakonam. agar shod postesh mikonam.

[nanakhafan]

LOOOOOOOOL....

[jjbb]

loooooooooooooooool