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The MTV Video Music Awards 2006
Pop Music Critic Aidin Vaziri offers live commentary tonight on MTV's 2006 VMAs, airing via tape delay from New York City's Radio City Music Hall.
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Before we dig into the official awards broadcast, a few highlights from the red carpet...
Um, well, actually, er, there weren't any real "highlights." Does watching the "Jackass" guys throw microphones at each other's genitals count? No? How about J. Lo wearing a head wrap that made her look like The Mummy? Not so much?
Oh, here's one! Fergie, who arrived at Radio City Music Hall in a horse-drawn carriage and promptly stripped off most of her clothing before singing her solo hit "London Bridge," was able to successfully control her bladder.
It's on! Justin Timberlake might have perfected Michael Jackson's 1983 dance moves but, performing the No. 1 song in the country, "SexyBack," live to kick off the show, he revealed he hasn't quite yet learned how to sing - or dress. Is there really any excuse for wearing geriatric white sneakers with a gray silk suit?
"The show has been laying farts for the past 20 years and I'm going to light the match," host Jack Black promises, wearing a moonman costume. He then immediately breaks his promise by starting the show with a song and a mess of an intro that somehow incorporates talk show host Montell Williams and Lou Reed sitting in with the Raconteurs for a slash-and-burn version of the Velvet Underground's "White Light/White Heat."
Couldn't they have just gotten Madonna to make out with Hilary Duff or something?
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Lil' Kim walks out on stage to present the award in an orange prison jumpsuit -because she was actually in prison! See what they did there?
By the way, did Black accidentally read her first few lines off the teleprompter or was that supposed to happen? Either way, it sucked.
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Ciara and OutKast's Andre 3000 come out to present the moonman for Best Hip-Hop video. Andre appears to be wearing galoshes. Are they expecting a thunderstorm in New York?
A few more questions, while we're at it:
Are the Black-Eyed Peas really a hip-hop band? If you had Paris Hilton's money, wouldn't you dress a little better? The Rock is still around? And making movies? Finally, did anyone really think Black could ever do anything less funny than "Nacho Libre"?
While you think about all that, let's take a minute to honor a barefoot, belly-dancing Sha***a for re-imagining "Hips Don't Lie," her hit with Wyclef Jean, inside a Bollywood movie.
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This thing has so much dead air it's almost like watching college radio.
Anyway, between 50 Cent, LL Cool J, Lil' Jon, Pharrell and Ludacris, there's more diamond and gold on stage than in the latest Tiffany catalog.
Oh, sorry, got bored and started flipping channels. Has anyone else ever seen that episode of "CHiPs" where there's a gang that trains monkeys and dogs to rob banks? And Ponch has a twin brother? In the very same epidose. I swear.
Jessica Simpson, on hand to present the Best Dance Video to the Pussycat Dolls, looks like an exceptionally slutty soccer mom. What was Nick Lachey thinking?
Oh yeah, she's as dumb as a pile of bricks.
Power-pop quartet OK Go recreates the one-take treadmill choreography of its wildly popular YouTube video for the single "Here It Goes Again" live - well, minus the lip-synching. It's actually kind of awesome.
- - -
Before we dig into the official awards broadcast, a few highlights from the red carpet...
Um, well, actually, er, there weren't any real "highlights." Does watching the "Jackass" guys throw microphones at each other's genitals count? No? How about J. Lo wearing a head wrap that made her look like The Mummy? Not so much?
Oh, here's one! Fergie, who arrived at Radio City Music Hall in a horse-drawn carriage and promptly stripped off most of her clothing before singing her solo hit "London Bridge," was able to successfully control her bladder.
It's on! Justin Timberlake might have perfected Michael Jackson's 1983 dance moves but, performing the No. 1 song in the country, "SexyBack," live to kick off the show, he revealed he hasn't quite yet learned how to sing - or dress. Is there really any excuse for wearing geriatric white sneakers with a gray silk suit?
"The show has been laying farts for the past 20 years and I'm going to light the match," host Jack Black promises, wearing a moonman costume. He then immediately breaks his promise by starting the show with a song and a mess of an intro that somehow incorporates talk show host Montell Williams and Lou Reed sitting in with the Raconteurs for a slash-and-burn version of the Velvet Underground's "White Light/White Heat."
Couldn't they have just gotten Madonna to make out with Hilary Duff or something?
- - -
Lil' Kim walks out on stage to present the award in an orange prison jumpsuit -because she was actually in prison! See what they did there?
By the way, did Black accidentally read her first few lines off the teleprompter or was that supposed to happen? Either way, it sucked.
- - -
Ciara and OutKast's Andre 3000 come out to present the moonman for Best Hip-Hop video. Andre appears to be wearing galoshes. Are they expecting a thunderstorm in New York?
A few more questions, while we're at it:
Are the Black-Eyed Peas really a hip-hop band? If you had Paris Hilton's money, wouldn't you dress a little better? The Rock is still around? And making movies? Finally, did anyone really think Black could ever do anything less funny than "Nacho Libre"?
While you think about all that, let's take a minute to honor a barefoot, belly-dancing Sha***a for re-imagining "Hips Don't Lie," her hit with Wyclef Jean, inside a Bollywood movie.
- - -
This thing has so much dead air it's almost like watching college radio.
Anyway, between 50 Cent, LL Cool J, Lil' Jon, Pharrell and Ludacris, there's more diamond and gold on stage than in the latest Tiffany catalog.
Oh, sorry, got bored and started flipping channels. Has anyone else ever seen that episode of "CHiPs" where there's a gang that trains monkeys and dogs to rob banks? And Ponch has a twin brother? In the very same epidose. I swear.
Jessica Simpson, on hand to present the Best Dance Video to the Pussycat Dolls, looks like an exceptionally slutty soccer mom. What was Nick Lachey thinking?
Oh yeah, she's as dumb as a pile of bricks.
Power-pop quartet OK Go recreates the one-take treadmill choreography of its wildly popular YouTube video for the single "Here It Goes Again" live - well, minus the lip-synching. It's actually kind of awesome.
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