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this is one of the most funniest thing i ever read in net. it was written by a moderator in a indian gaming site. It was an master piece for me .... the forum was affected by spams, spammers, liars and mods were helpless and started a thread called "Top 10 warning of Hopeless Dweebism"...
The Center for Disease Control has recently issued a "Hopeless Dweebism" mental health advisory to all people who haunt this Internet discussion board. The disease appears to be incurable and the only cure seems to be throwing the infected into a windowless dungeon cell with a bucket to shit in and throwing away the key, or burning them at a stake. Here are the top warning signs of Hopeless Dweebism, along with common symptoms. Avoid becoming infected with this incurable disease and spoiling the environment around you.
Sign One: Inability to make any sort of sense-
These are the guys at the forum whose posts don't make any sense and leave the reader floundering helplessly in a state of protracted mental agony. These posts and their posters don't seem to have had the most basic of education, and can't spell, punctuate or even make any sense. They and their posts exist for the sole purpose of irritating the living shit out of others. chances are great that you will die of massive brain haemorrhaging and a supermassive cardiac arrest if they actually make sense once in their lifetime. Never mind the scary fact that some of these dweebs are old enough to vote, God save the country!
Sign Two: Copy-pasting articles from the Internet -
These are the guys who have still not discovered hyperlinks, and would rather copy-paste an entire PhD thesis into the small forum rather than paste a small link and a small description. Either they post just the link, without any information and just run away without realizing that this is a discussion board, and not a hyperlink notepad, or they'd rather save people the trouble and post that 300,000 word article to give the reader that much needed eye-sore. The most advanced case of this sign includes copy-pasting highly detailed, professional-looking articles in your post and trying to pass it off as your own, while having an IQ low enough to think they can fool the others and get away with it.
Sign Three: Using the forum as a blog or an Instant Messenger:
These are the dweebs that think an Internet discussion board, more commonly known as a forum is just an online version of their own private blogs or worse, an Internet chatroom. Either they post information that is taken completely out of context and post it in threads where people are talking about something totally different, or they treat the forum as their own personal MSN/Yahoo Messenger, rarely posting more than two lines in the worst SMS lingo possible. Little or no regard is given to the section or the thread in which the post is being made, obviously.
Sign Four: Over-inquisitive socializers:
Well, not really, but I had to put some name for the sign. These are the guys who want to find out what people's favorites are. Apart from games and movies, these people are obviously sent by the same company that makes the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to create a compendium of all information that the forum visitors like their favorite colors, choice of underwear and tons of more options. The company then apparently must be using this information to find out some little known facet of forum-going Netizens that they themselves are not aware of. All we can say is - what are you, three year old kids who don't have enough material to participate in a decent conversation?
Sign Five: The Hyperactive Thread-Creator:
This person apparently thinks that his sole purpose in the forum is to create new threads, even for topics that are already being discussed in multiple sections all over the forum. A guy who's never seen the Search link in their life, they take it as a personal affront if they're told to search for anything before posting. Obviously, creating newer threads for existing topics is supposed to be their fundamental birthright and they think doing it makes them oh-so-knowledgeable and oh-so-cool. Guess what, these guys wouldn't know cool if it was tattooed on their retina! Better make sure they don't ever have to search for anything else in their life, including parents, wives or girlfriends, otherwise they just might not hesitate to get themselves new ones, thanks to all the practice they're getting by not searching for stuff at the forums. Apparently, the Search function serves as an object d'art in this forum for these dweebs.
Sign Six: Multiple personality disorder:
These people can't make do with one identity at the forums, apprently. No, siree Bob, they need to have AT least two, more if you want to be cool. Advanced symptoms of this disorder range from creating multiple IDs to pose as girls (yeah, we know you, guys, don't think we don't. There's two of you doing it actively) or worse, creating a new identity to talk to yourself. Perfect case studies for Freud if he were alive. Apparently these dweebs have no idea that IP addresses can be tracked through your posts and it takes all of ten seconds for anyone familiar with how IP addresses work to find out your multiple identities. You think you're safe with dynamic IPs? Well, guess again, Dr. Dweebo, ever heard of IP ranges?
Sign Seven: The Congenital Liar:
This person thinks the only way they can be cool is to lie. Whether its lying about a purchase, or claiming that they have this hardware and that, and conveniently offer excuses like "Oh my PC is at home. I am currently serving a life sentence on Pluto!", or "Oh, I don't have a cellphone or a digital camera, so I can't post pictures, and apparently my Print Screen button and F5/F12 button are broke as well, so I cant take screenshots as well" or "Oh, my Great Dane accidentally deleted my Screenshots folder while he was surfing for doggy porn". Worse are the guys that claim to be running games at super-high resolutions on systems we KNOW can't run the game that way, and post screenshots and other information lifted from a friend's PC or somewhere else online. Oh, they are also able to run HL2 and FEAR at 100024x3376/x40AA/x100AF and everything maxed out on even an FX5200. Some of them also have a house full of PCs, each armed with stellar video cards. Our advice - shut the **** up!
Sign Eight: The Misfits:
These are the sadistic dweebs that, when in a zoo, throw small rocks at dangerous predators just to piss them off and see what they do to them. These guys live for the pleasure of flaming, flamebaiting, trolling and abusing others. Guess what guys, you keep doing this, and we're gonna unlock the cages of these predators some day and by the time they're done tearing you apart, there's not gonna be much left to even scrape off the sidewalk with a spoon.
Sign Nine: The Retards:
These are the dweebs that have a collective IQ lower than that of a dead animal, most likely a week-old skunk. Their posts and their blogs are so stupid in the extreme that they think its a commendation to their ridiculously low IQ to advertise their blogs on their profile pages just so we can take a look at the crap that you've filled the Internet with and have a hearty laugh. These dweebs are nearly at the lowest rung of the ladder and while their stupidity is amusing, its also irritating as hell when they hijack a thread for no reason to post shit in. Advanced cases of this disorder also not seem to have aged mentally as fast as their body has, and have a 6-month old baby stuck in a wrinkled 60-year old body.
Sign Ten: The One with the Broken Funny Bone:
This is the worst form of dweebism ever and the symptom is agonizing to the people who they inflict it upon. They may think their sense of so-called humor is extreme and they even can their own laughter track in their posts to make it appear as if they're being funny, but the fact remains that they don't even have the slightest remnants of their funny bone anywhere in their bloodstream, after it was pulverized by a 1600-ton falling lead block when they were three days old. Their posts aren't really funny in any sense of the word and if they manage to raise a snicker out of you, it would be their greatest achievement in life. Of all the would-be dweebs that come and go, these are the worst. Our advice to these would-be standup comedian-wannabe - I'd say don't quit your day job but you suck at that too!
Now what was the point of this post? Simple, the way the forums have been going on, its getting impossible to login and have fun without getting irritated beyond our wits. The next time you're making a post, run it through this list, if it has any of the warning signs, then DONT POST, PLEASE! Like Smoothie said, spam is VERY necessary, but not stupid, nonsense spam thats not funny in the least bit. And if you see anyone being a dweeb, point out the warning sign to them in a PM along with their dweebish post to try and reduce the clutter that seems to be floating around here. Who knows, we may even have some fun this way, pissing the dweebs off for pissing *us* off. Revenge is a dish best served cold, and for the idiots here, we're serving it at a nice -273 degrees Centigrade!
Sign One: Inability to make any sort of sense-
These are the guys at the forum whose posts don't make any sense and leave the reader floundering helplessly in a state of protracted mental agony. These posts and their posters don't seem to have had the most basic of education, and can't spell, punctuate or even make any sense. They and their posts exist for the sole purpose of irritating the living shit out of others. chances are great that you will die of massive brain haemorrhaging and a supermassive cardiac arrest if they actually make sense once in their lifetime. Never mind the scary fact that some of these dweebs are old enough to vote, God save the country!
Sign Two: Copy-pasting articles from the Internet -
These are the guys who have still not discovered hyperlinks, and would rather copy-paste an entire PhD thesis into the small forum rather than paste a small link and a small description. Either they post just the link, without any information and just run away without realizing that this is a discussion board, and not a hyperlink notepad, or they'd rather save people the trouble and post that 300,000 word article to give the reader that much needed eye-sore. The most advanced case of this sign includes copy-pasting highly detailed, professional-looking articles in your post and trying to pass it off as your own, while having an IQ low enough to think they can fool the others and get away with it.
Sign Three: Using the forum as a blog or an Instant Messenger:
These are the dweebs that think an Internet discussion board, more commonly known as a forum is just an online version of their own private blogs or worse, an Internet chatroom. Either they post information that is taken completely out of context and post it in threads where people are talking about something totally different, or they treat the forum as their own personal MSN/Yahoo Messenger, rarely posting more than two lines in the worst SMS lingo possible. Little or no regard is given to the section or the thread in which the post is being made, obviously.
Sign Four: Over-inquisitive socializers:
Well, not really, but I had to put some name for the sign. These are the guys who want to find out what people's favorites are. Apart from games and movies, these people are obviously sent by the same company that makes the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to create a compendium of all information that the forum visitors like their favorite colors, choice of underwear and tons of more options. The company then apparently must be using this information to find out some little known facet of forum-going Netizens that they themselves are not aware of. All we can say is - what are you, three year old kids who don't have enough material to participate in a decent conversation?
Sign Five: The Hyperactive Thread-Creator:
This person apparently thinks that his sole purpose in the forum is to create new threads, even for topics that are already being discussed in multiple sections all over the forum. A guy who's never seen the Search link in their life, they take it as a personal affront if they're told to search for anything before posting. Obviously, creating newer threads for existing topics is supposed to be their fundamental birthright and they think doing it makes them oh-so-knowledgeable and oh-so-cool. Guess what, these guys wouldn't know cool if it was tattooed on their retina! Better make sure they don't ever have to search for anything else in their life, including parents, wives or girlfriends, otherwise they just might not hesitate to get themselves new ones, thanks to all the practice they're getting by not searching for stuff at the forums. Apparently, the Search function serves as an object d'art in this forum for these dweebs.
Sign Six: Multiple personality disorder:
These people can't make do with one identity at the forums, apprently. No, siree Bob, they need to have AT least two, more if you want to be cool. Advanced symptoms of this disorder range from creating multiple IDs to pose as girls (yeah, we know you, guys, don't think we don't. There's two of you doing it actively) or worse, creating a new identity to talk to yourself. Perfect case studies for Freud if he were alive. Apparently these dweebs have no idea that IP addresses can be tracked through your posts and it takes all of ten seconds for anyone familiar with how IP addresses work to find out your multiple identities. You think you're safe with dynamic IPs? Well, guess again, Dr. Dweebo, ever heard of IP ranges?
Sign Seven: The Congenital Liar:
This person thinks the only way they can be cool is to lie. Whether its lying about a purchase, or claiming that they have this hardware and that, and conveniently offer excuses like "Oh my PC is at home. I am currently serving a life sentence on Pluto!", or "Oh, I don't have a cellphone or a digital camera, so I can't post pictures, and apparently my Print Screen button and F5/F12 button are broke as well, so I cant take screenshots as well" or "Oh, my Great Dane accidentally deleted my Screenshots folder while he was surfing for doggy porn". Worse are the guys that claim to be running games at super-high resolutions on systems we KNOW can't run the game that way, and post screenshots and other information lifted from a friend's PC or somewhere else online. Oh, they are also able to run HL2 and FEAR at 100024x3376/x40AA/x100AF and everything maxed out on even an FX5200. Some of them also have a house full of PCs, each armed with stellar video cards. Our advice - shut the **** up!
Sign Eight: The Misfits:
These are the sadistic dweebs that, when in a zoo, throw small rocks at dangerous predators just to piss them off and see what they do to them. These guys live for the pleasure of flaming, flamebaiting, trolling and abusing others. Guess what guys, you keep doing this, and we're gonna unlock the cages of these predators some day and by the time they're done tearing you apart, there's not gonna be much left to even scrape off the sidewalk with a spoon.
Sign Nine: The Retards:
These are the dweebs that have a collective IQ lower than that of a dead animal, most likely a week-old skunk. Their posts and their blogs are so stupid in the extreme that they think its a commendation to their ridiculously low IQ to advertise their blogs on their profile pages just so we can take a look at the crap that you've filled the Internet with and have a hearty laugh. These dweebs are nearly at the lowest rung of the ladder and while their stupidity is amusing, its also irritating as hell when they hijack a thread for no reason to post shit in. Advanced cases of this disorder also not seem to have aged mentally as fast as their body has, and have a 6-month old baby stuck in a wrinkled 60-year old body.
Sign Ten: The One with the Broken Funny Bone:
This is the worst form of dweebism ever and the symptom is agonizing to the people who they inflict it upon. They may think their sense of so-called humor is extreme and they even can their own laughter track in their posts to make it appear as if they're being funny, but the fact remains that they don't even have the slightest remnants of their funny bone anywhere in their bloodstream, after it was pulverized by a 1600-ton falling lead block when they were three days old. Their posts aren't really funny in any sense of the word and if they manage to raise a snicker out of you, it would be their greatest achievement in life. Of all the would-be dweebs that come and go, these are the worst. Our advice to these would-be standup comedian-wannabe - I'd say don't quit your day job but you suck at that too!
Now what was the point of this post? Simple, the way the forums have been going on, its getting impossible to login and have fun without getting irritated beyond our wits. The next time you're making a post, run it through this list, if it has any of the warning signs, then DONT POST, PLEASE! Like Smoothie said, spam is VERY necessary, but not stupid, nonsense spam thats not funny in the least bit. And if you see anyone being a dweeb, point out the warning sign to them in a PM along with their dweebish post to try and reduce the clutter that seems to be floating around here. Who knows, we may even have some fun this way, pissing the dweebs off for pissing *us* off. Revenge is a dish best served cold, and for the idiots here, we're serving it at a nice -273 degrees Centigrade!
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