help....what should i do?

[huebg]

ok, i am in weird situation, and i was wondering if anyone could give me any advice.....

well, i've met a girl and we've turned out to be really good friends. but recently, i've been getting a weird feeling, like almost of attachment towards her. when im talking to her on the phone or internet, im always so happy and lively and just rooham zendast. as soon as she hangs up or we split, i immediately begin to miss her and become bigharar for the next time. it's really hard, because theres a situation: 1) i really havent ever fallen in love before, 2) im afraid if i do fall in love that my studies and schoolwork will suffer, 3) i love our friendship so much that i dont want to risk it....if i tell her that i love her and she doesn't feel the same way about me, i'll lose her....well it wont be the same, it'll be uncomfortable after that.

but then sometimes she'll be so open and call me and ask me why i havent called her, as a joke but still....and we'll talk for hours, so openly and freely and it almost feels like we belong to each other. but then other times she'll be colder. well not colder, it's just that love will make me be willing to die for her, and it will be terrible if she isn't willing to die for me, if she isnt as happy talking to me as i am talking to her. and i dont want to keep calling or anything, so i give her her space and freedom and let her have her independence.

it's almost like im getting these really badly conflicting messages, one saying "i can't live without you" and the other saying "you are an accessory in my life". maybe not to those extremes, but is she just doing it so that i dont get too confident?

i dont know what to do. again, ive never fallen in love, this is all very new to me, and i dont even know if this is what you guys call love. all i know is that when im talking to her i feel the happiest ive ever felt and i feel like she feels happy too, like we belong to one another.

what do you say i do? should i be content with this friendship at this level (i mean we're really close....). this way, my studies will remain high and happy, but a relationship, especially a first one (for both of us), is harder. should i risk getting closer? i am happy with our friendship right now, but sometimes i just wish that she showed the same NEED for me that i have for her......

[jjbb]

you need to figure out what is your first priopity..it seems your school is very important to you.
Just give it time if it ment to be it will...do not rush in any thing....you mentioned that you are happy with the relationship now...dont risk it...
good luck

[huebg]

thank you very much, you're right i shouldnt force it.....
thanks

[Parinaz_M]

i agree with jjbb
just take everything very slow.
when you are young you fall in love very fast, but you shouldn't let those feeling affect you b/c you might not know how to handle it, so take it very slow

[huebg]

thanks.....yes, but im starting to become un-young lol....im almost 19 and my mom is already talking about marriage (not to the girl, just marriage in general)....

i guess my question now is do i fight against these feelings of love, because im afraid if i dont fight it then i'll fall in too fast. but then on the other hand if i DO fight it, then im afraid that it might stop something from happening that's comfortable and rewarding to both of us. is what im saying making any sense?

[Rasputin]

Love has alo of faces ! you must to be sure about it and knowin well your fellin about her.

happy new year

[Parinaz_M]

huebg i am almost 20, and i know how you feel,
we are way to young to be thinking about marriage.
you have to take your time getting to know her, and really focus on your education, becaue you don't want to loose your track.
as i said before, don't rush, let everything go very slow

[huebg]

yes i definitely see what you mean. thank you to everyone.....

[Vandfald]

guys, i'm the most loser-person in love :P , so i can't really say what you should do :/ it's difficult i know , and very hard to know what's the right thing, some poeple say "do what your heart say", but i don't think that's a good idea, cause sometimes your heart is sooo "blind" that you can't see the real THINGS. i think like the others that you should take it slowly and get to know her better and better. it's the best. cause then u will find out if she is the one, or if she feels the same.

[Rasputin]

guys, i'm the most loser-person in love :P , so i can't really say what you should do :/ it's difficult i know , and very hard to know what's the right thing, some poeple say "do what your heart say", but i don't think that's a good idea, cause sometimes your heart is sooo "blind" that you can't see the real THINGS. i think like the others that you should take it slowly and get to know her better and better. it's the best. cause then u will find out if she is the one, or if she feels the same.

Nah.. Dooste aziz..in harf ro nazan hich vaght chon bayad bedooni keh to hichi nabakhti, un agha hast keh to ro az dast dadeh. hatman ghesmat boodeh keh shoma ba un agha nabashi ! ino bedoon keh pesareh khoob ziad hast tooyeh in donya vali in ham bayad bedooni keh to nemitooni beri beh donbaleh eshgh, in eshghe keh bayad biad donbaleh to ! va eshgh zamani miad keh to aslan fekresh ham nemikardi keh gharareh biad. shayad eshgh alan kheili nazdik beh to basheh va ino to nadooni ! to bayad sabr koni va bedooni keh farda roozeh to hast va hameh chiz dorost misheh.

[huebg]

Nah.. Dooste aziz..in harf ro nazan hich vaght chon bayad bedooni keh to hichi nabakhti, un agha hast keh to ro az dast dadeh. hatman ghesmat boodeh keh shoma ba un agha nabashi ! ino bedoon keh pesareh khoob ziad hast tooyeh in donya vali in ham bayad bedooni keh to nemitooni beri beh donbaleh eshgh, in eshghe keh bayad biad donbaleh to ! va eshgh zamani miad keh to aslan fekresh ham nemikardi keh gharareh biad. shayad eshgh alan kheili nazdik beh to basheh va ino to nadooni ! to bayad sabr koni va bedooni keh farda roozeh to hast va hameh chiz dorost misheh.

be ghole leiloon az barare....che eshghoolaane

vandfald you are soooo right about the heart thing, because sometimes it's like the heart is so influenced by everything that you can't follow it, you can't do what you want. and don't say you are a loser-person in love. inshallah you will find the right person someday and just keep your head up. give yourself the same worth and arzesh that you would want your partner to give to you.

this has all really helped me, im definitely going to let it develop slowly. it's like when you're making polo lol......if you put the heat on high, you'll get a burnt tahdeeg and the polo will be zendeh. but if the sho'leh is just right, then not only is the polo amazingly yummy, but the tahdeeg is that amazing golden brown crunchy tahdeeg.

hahaha haghaa ke marde irooniyam, hamechi ro be ghazaa rabpt midam

[Vandfald]

RedWine akhe man hardafe be ye pesar vabaste misham, in chiza hamishe mishe. and now i'm tired of trying to find my great nr one. vali midunam ke man bayad vaystam ke "un" biyad dombalam, but i miss it. i miss to feel that somebody is loving me. ama eshgh'am hamineh. hey dardosar dare. but i know what you mean and thanks for saying it , but i think that i have to go through this hard time and realize some things in my life.

[Vandfald]

huebg lol i know what you mean and thanks for the food thing. :P.
haha, but i'm really bad to find out whats right and wrong. But my heart is very an idiot :P , it' only fall in love and make everything difficult, and then my brain can't work it out with my heart and so on. so i think that the hard is the bad person here :P well, i really don't know what i'm saying :/

[huebg]

i understand what you're saying, but the way to work it out isn't to brand one as the bad guy, but find the right balance between the two.....

i also think i know what you mean by missing someone to love, even though ive never actually been in love. like whenever i think of marriage though, i feel this special feeling of haivng someone to love, having someone to care about you unconditionally and 24/7, having someone whose happiness is directly related to yours, having someone that you can call your OWN. it's all a part of life i guess, and all you need to do i think is be patient and let things develop, as i'm slowly finding out now. i think that it's going to be harder for you, because you've already experienced having someone, etc. so you know you want it. i dunno what to expect, and so i dont think i've developed that need yet....

in any case, inshallah you will find someone, all you need is patience...

[Rasputin]

RedWine akhe man hardafe be ye pesar vabaste misham, in chiza hamishe mishe. and now i'm tired of trying to find my great nr one. vali midunam ke man bayad vaystam ke "un" biyad dombalam, but i miss it. i miss to feel that somebody is loving me. ama eshgh'am hamineh. hey dardosar dare. but i know what you mean and thanks for saying it , but i think that i have to go through this hard time and realize some things in my life.

Shoma tanha kasi nisti keh intori ehsas mikoni ! hameh intorian va in ham normal hast !

Shoma barayeh chi vabasteh mishi beh yek pesar zamani keh hanooz enghadar e'etemad va alagheh ghavi nist beineh shoma va un agha !! In maleh zamanieh keh chand sal begzareh,taraf vaghean beh shoma neshoon bedeh keh ashegheh shomast ! asheghi beh harf va boosidan va in chiza nist ! asheghi yani taraf az khodesh begzareh,shoma az khodet begzari va az joon mayeh begzari ! asheghi yani fadakari ! yani inkeh ekhtelafati keh beineh 2 nafar hast dideh nasheh va tanha shabahatha ehsas besheh !

Ghabl az inkeh 2 nafar ashegh beshan bayad ba ham doost beshan ! beh Khoda eshkal tooyeh asheghi nist ! eshkal ineh keh adamha balad nistan ba ham doost bashan va badesh ashegheh ham beshan ! doosti bedooneh eshgh va ehsas emkan dareh vali eshgh bedooneh ehsas va doosti gheire momken hast !