Tweet
How to Maintain Romance
There's a lot more to keeping the romance alive than candles, bubble baths, and foot massages. Here's how to feed the romantic fires in your relationship in a deep and meaningful way.
Steps
Tell the truth. Truth is the ultimate aphrodisiac and is a great way to create connection with your partner. For example, you might say "I feel safe when I'm with you" or "Sometimes I feel scared that we get so busy with other things that we forget about creating close moments together, and I really want to be close with you." Just share what ever is true for you, and speak from your experience. If you're concealing in your relationship, you won't feel connected, so consider making truth an ongoing priority in your life.
Appreciate yourself and your partner. Appreciation means "to grow in value, or to be sensitively aware of." Take some time to notice what you like about yourself, and your partner. Saying for example, "I'm doing a good job as a parent by taking time to hug the kids in the morning before they go off to school." or "I really appreciate how dedicated you are to your job."
Successful relationships have a 5 to 1 ratio of appreciations to criticisms, so if you really want to heat up your relationship, start appreciating!
Listen. All humans crave being seen and heard. Being with your partner, and really listening to them can be magical for both of you. Often, we want to fix their problems, but it is much more powerful to listen. Saying, "Wow, I can understand you're frustrated." or "That must have been hard on you." lets your partner know you're hearing them.
Create romance in yourself first. We often try to "get" our partners to be more romantic, believing that we need to change them in order to have what we want. The truth is that you're much more likely to have what you want when YOU show up in that way. For example, create your own romantic mood--dress, put on music, prepare sensuous foods, take some time to love and appreciate yourself. It won't take long for your partner to join in the fun!
Ask for what you want. Let your partner know that you're deeply interested in spending some romantic time with him or her. (You'd be surprised how often they are unaware of this.) Whining, demanding, and manipulating are contrary to creating romance, so do your best to ask using kind and loving words.
Bring play back into your relationship. Levity is a sexy thing. If you're stuck in thoughts of how much housework there is to do, or that you'll wake the kids, you likely won't feel romantic. Find ways to laugh about the ways that you take your self out of the romantic mood, and soon, you'll be back in it.
Speak your partner's love language. We often become confused and disappointed with expecting from the other person to do such and such romantic things. Do to your partner the things he or she likes and tell her or him what you like, want, and expect. When you give what the other person needs and/or wants, you'll see how you'll receive in return!
Tips
Communicate with your partner about what each of you wants in the area of romance, without making the other person wrong for their desires. He may want less romance, you may want more; you can each have what you want, it just may not look the way you think it's supposed to. For example, how could you create a romantic evening just for yourself? (This is a really powerful step to creating a life of joy!)
Warnings
Many couples will subconciously create an argument just when there's an opportunity for romance. This happens because we've conditioned ourselves to avoid intimate connection. We're afraid of being hurt when we're most open and vulnerable, and so we shut down without even knowing it. If this happens, notice it without judging yourself or your partner, and try again to spark a connection using the steps above.
Steps
Tell the truth. Truth is the ultimate aphrodisiac and is a great way to create connection with your partner. For example, you might say "I feel safe when I'm with you" or "Sometimes I feel scared that we get so busy with other things that we forget about creating close moments together, and I really want to be close with you." Just share what ever is true for you, and speak from your experience. If you're concealing in your relationship, you won't feel connected, so consider making truth an ongoing priority in your life.
Appreciate yourself and your partner. Appreciation means "to grow in value, or to be sensitively aware of." Take some time to notice what you like about yourself, and your partner. Saying for example, "I'm doing a good job as a parent by taking time to hug the kids in the morning before they go off to school." or "I really appreciate how dedicated you are to your job."
Successful relationships have a 5 to 1 ratio of appreciations to criticisms, so if you really want to heat up your relationship, start appreciating!
Listen. All humans crave being seen and heard. Being with your partner, and really listening to them can be magical for both of you. Often, we want to fix their problems, but it is much more powerful to listen. Saying, "Wow, I can understand you're frustrated." or "That must have been hard on you." lets your partner know you're hearing them.
Create romance in yourself first. We often try to "get" our partners to be more romantic, believing that we need to change them in order to have what we want. The truth is that you're much more likely to have what you want when YOU show up in that way. For example, create your own romantic mood--dress, put on music, prepare sensuous foods, take some time to love and appreciate yourself. It won't take long for your partner to join in the fun!
Ask for what you want. Let your partner know that you're deeply interested in spending some romantic time with him or her. (You'd be surprised how often they are unaware of this.) Whining, demanding, and manipulating are contrary to creating romance, so do your best to ask using kind and loving words.
Bring play back into your relationship. Levity is a sexy thing. If you're stuck in thoughts of how much housework there is to do, or that you'll wake the kids, you likely won't feel romantic. Find ways to laugh about the ways that you take your self out of the romantic mood, and soon, you'll be back in it.
Speak your partner's love language. We often become confused and disappointed with expecting from the other person to do such and such romantic things. Do to your partner the things he or she likes and tell her or him what you like, want, and expect. When you give what the other person needs and/or wants, you'll see how you'll receive in return!
Tips
Communicate with your partner about what each of you wants in the area of romance, without making the other person wrong for their desires. He may want less romance, you may want more; you can each have what you want, it just may not look the way you think it's supposed to. For example, how could you create a romantic evening just for yourself? (This is a really powerful step to creating a life of joy!)
Warnings
Many couples will subconciously create an argument just when there's an opportunity for romance. This happens because we've conditioned ourselves to avoid intimate connection. We're afraid of being hurt when we're most open and vulnerable, and so we shut down without even knowing it. If this happens, notice it without judging yourself or your partner, and try again to spark a connection using the steps above.
Comment