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Attract The Opposite Sex
For most people, there comes a moment where we wish we had been able to convert that fleeting moment with the mysterious stranger into dinner, a kiss or maybe just a conversation. Here are a few basic pointers that seem to help.
Steps
Meet other people by going out in public. This begins before you even leave the house. Are you going to get some coffee at your favorite cafe? Walk past a full length mirror before you take off. You may like to lounge around in pajamas while at home, but that's not a way to grab someone's attention when you're out and about.
Buy clothes that are comfortable -- you don't want to look stiff. The whole point is that you show you care about how you look, but not too much.
Dress appropriately; if tonight's plans are to go to the hip industrial dance club, then by all means, wear your Doc Martens and leather wrist bands. Just don't go from the club to the uptown bar unless you truly think you can pull it off. Being comfortable starts by not addressing stares. More importantly though, looking good often means feeling good and that definitely pays off.
Become a more self-actualized person. Aside from what you are wearing, always remember that the mind is the largest erogenous zone. Be culturally aware and interesting. Knowing a little bit of most topics. Truly knowing about the things that really interest you will genuinely make you a more interesting person.
Music seems to link many people together. Knowing about bands you don't even listen to is a great social lubricant because "not knowing" shuts down avenues of conversation dead in their tracks. However, saying you've heard
Joy Division and really like "She's Lost Control," but think it's a little monotonous shows the other person that you've already given something they like a try and don't like it; likewise, this gives you a little time to catch up and formulate a change in topic, thus steering the conversation into more familiar territory.
Know yourself well enough that you feel comfortable disagreeing. Nothing is more boring and pointless than someone who always agrees. The other person could be so attractive your eyes glaze over, but listen to them really process what they are saying. Allow the words, "I totally disagree..." to roll off your tongue. This doesn't make you a jerk. It makes you a better person because you're putting yourself out there. Plus, it cuts down on your vulnerability to the other person and transfers it to them.
Develop a style. Any style will do, as long as it's your own. Uniqueness is crucial because it is what differentiates you in the sea of "other fish" this person has no doubt been told are out there. If you really like that goofy hat at the vintage clothing store and you think it looks good on you, wear it out.
Don't be discouraged if people think you're goofy, chances are you wouldn't even want to meet those people anyways.
Mirror the other person's actions. This not only shows them that you're flattered with them, it also shows that you are noticing their actions.
Casual touches are a great way to gauge the direction of things. If the other person seems comfortable with you touching their hand or brushing their arm, then you have a good litmus for their attraction to you.
Look into the other person's eyes whenever talking. The eyes have been called the window to the soul. Admire them. Genuinely appreciate the other person. Just don't stare for too long. Studies have shown that a person generally will gaze into another person's eyes for about 4.5 seconds if they are attracted to them.
Eat. If you are self conscious about your weight, hashing out that insecurity by forgoing a meal in front of the person you like is not the right thing to do.
It makes people uneasy when the person they are with is basically watching them eat.
Keep yourself clean and trimmed. Clearly, you wouldn't want a smelly trash monster in your bed, so don't be a stink factory. Also, if you find yourself a little less than fresh in the wrong place at the right time, freshen up in the bathroom first. Easily explain this to the other person by telling them to "wait" gently.
If someone should joke about their hygiene, cut them some slack and joke with them about it to ease the tension.
Exchange phone numbers, email addresses, etc. Often the hardest thing isn't the "waiting three days" part, it's the time when you need to pop the question.
Ask the person out again, if it's clear you should take the initiative. You should guage who needs to do this by your first meeting. Feel out what you have been talking about. Maybe the other person needs to get off the train at the next stop and you've been talking for the past 15 minutes on your way to work. In that case, ask them if you can call sometime. However, maybe you just bumped into someone at the bar and chatted for a few minutes; in that case give them your number and tell them you'd like to go out sometime. The difference is always in the comfort level you and that person have established. Obviously asking someone you barely know for their number is awkward for both of you, but if you've had enough time to build a decent connection then it's easier for the other person to give up those precious digits.
Make plans. This might sound totally crazy, but in the initial few weeks of dating it's nice to know there is a regular schedule that the two of you can count on. If you feel brave, call the person and ask them what they are doing a few days ahead of the "date day" and then tell them something came up and reschedule. Only do this if you need to build tension. Exercise common sense; but at the same time, this gets the other person stewing if they really wanted to see you in the first place.
Don't worry about dating. They say the first time you find someone is the time when you stopped looking. This is basically true. There is a lot to be said for someone who walks through the world with only one eye open -- and none of it is particularly bad.
Tips
Don't be afraid to tease the other person.
Practice your facial expressions in the mirror a little. The right smile, or that cool smirk can make a big difference.
Leave personal emotional matters out of meeting others, lest you draw them into a conversation better left to an actual relationship. These are best left for when you have actually begun that monogomous relationship.
Exude confidence wherever possible. But don't brag either.
Don't call for a few days unless you've agreed otherwise. This isn't as daring as rescheduling, and can build a little tension and excitement for your next meeting.
Don't reveal too much of yourself right away. Future dates will include many opportunities for conversation, so you don't want the other person to already know everything about you.
Do what feels right by letting things take their course.
Enjoy yourself. The moment that your relationship or date isn't any fun, that's when you know this person might not be the best fit.
Warnings
While saying a few fibs here and there seems harmless, make sure that large exaggerations and out-and-out lying are nowhere to be found. This is just childish.
As with any venture into being unique, some are more hesitant to accept you and so, be ready for criticism.
Some people are more flirtatious than others so expect that some roads lead nowhere.
Don't be too generic. While most relationships strangely take about the same curve, telling someone you like their shoes to strike up a conversation is not interesting.
Stick to what you know and don't talk about topics you know nothing about.
Don't talk too much about any one subject. So you absolutely love the architecture of Munich, who cares? If you talk about it for seven hours, chances are the other person was just being courteous and letting you talk first.
On matters of politics, religion and anything else that tends to be controversial, watch out. These things are a minefield, but don't be frightened to walk across minefields in the right situations. If these topics somehow find their way to the surface, don't be afraid to voice your opinions.
Steps
Meet other people by going out in public. This begins before you even leave the house. Are you going to get some coffee at your favorite cafe? Walk past a full length mirror before you take off. You may like to lounge around in pajamas while at home, but that's not a way to grab someone's attention when you're out and about.
Buy clothes that are comfortable -- you don't want to look stiff. The whole point is that you show you care about how you look, but not too much.
Dress appropriately; if tonight's plans are to go to the hip industrial dance club, then by all means, wear your Doc Martens and leather wrist bands. Just don't go from the club to the uptown bar unless you truly think you can pull it off. Being comfortable starts by not addressing stares. More importantly though, looking good often means feeling good and that definitely pays off.
Become a more self-actualized person. Aside from what you are wearing, always remember that the mind is the largest erogenous zone. Be culturally aware and interesting. Knowing a little bit of most topics. Truly knowing about the things that really interest you will genuinely make you a more interesting person.
Music seems to link many people together. Knowing about bands you don't even listen to is a great social lubricant because "not knowing" shuts down avenues of conversation dead in their tracks. However, saying you've heard
Joy Division and really like "She's Lost Control," but think it's a little monotonous shows the other person that you've already given something they like a try and don't like it; likewise, this gives you a little time to catch up and formulate a change in topic, thus steering the conversation into more familiar territory.
Know yourself well enough that you feel comfortable disagreeing. Nothing is more boring and pointless than someone who always agrees. The other person could be so attractive your eyes glaze over, but listen to them really process what they are saying. Allow the words, "I totally disagree..." to roll off your tongue. This doesn't make you a jerk. It makes you a better person because you're putting yourself out there. Plus, it cuts down on your vulnerability to the other person and transfers it to them.
Develop a style. Any style will do, as long as it's your own. Uniqueness is crucial because it is what differentiates you in the sea of "other fish" this person has no doubt been told are out there. If you really like that goofy hat at the vintage clothing store and you think it looks good on you, wear it out.
Don't be discouraged if people think you're goofy, chances are you wouldn't even want to meet those people anyways.
Mirror the other person's actions. This not only shows them that you're flattered with them, it also shows that you are noticing their actions.
Casual touches are a great way to gauge the direction of things. If the other person seems comfortable with you touching their hand or brushing their arm, then you have a good litmus for their attraction to you.
Look into the other person's eyes whenever talking. The eyes have been called the window to the soul. Admire them. Genuinely appreciate the other person. Just don't stare for too long. Studies have shown that a person generally will gaze into another person's eyes for about 4.5 seconds if they are attracted to them.
Eat. If you are self conscious about your weight, hashing out that insecurity by forgoing a meal in front of the person you like is not the right thing to do.
It makes people uneasy when the person they are with is basically watching them eat.
Keep yourself clean and trimmed. Clearly, you wouldn't want a smelly trash monster in your bed, so don't be a stink factory. Also, if you find yourself a little less than fresh in the wrong place at the right time, freshen up in the bathroom first. Easily explain this to the other person by telling them to "wait" gently.
If someone should joke about their hygiene, cut them some slack and joke with them about it to ease the tension.
Exchange phone numbers, email addresses, etc. Often the hardest thing isn't the "waiting three days" part, it's the time when you need to pop the question.
Ask the person out again, if it's clear you should take the initiative. You should guage who needs to do this by your first meeting. Feel out what you have been talking about. Maybe the other person needs to get off the train at the next stop and you've been talking for the past 15 minutes on your way to work. In that case, ask them if you can call sometime. However, maybe you just bumped into someone at the bar and chatted for a few minutes; in that case give them your number and tell them you'd like to go out sometime. The difference is always in the comfort level you and that person have established. Obviously asking someone you barely know for their number is awkward for both of you, but if you've had enough time to build a decent connection then it's easier for the other person to give up those precious digits.
Make plans. This might sound totally crazy, but in the initial few weeks of dating it's nice to know there is a regular schedule that the two of you can count on. If you feel brave, call the person and ask them what they are doing a few days ahead of the "date day" and then tell them something came up and reschedule. Only do this if you need to build tension. Exercise common sense; but at the same time, this gets the other person stewing if they really wanted to see you in the first place.
Don't worry about dating. They say the first time you find someone is the time when you stopped looking. This is basically true. There is a lot to be said for someone who walks through the world with only one eye open -- and none of it is particularly bad.
Tips
Don't be afraid to tease the other person.
Practice your facial expressions in the mirror a little. The right smile, or that cool smirk can make a big difference.
Leave personal emotional matters out of meeting others, lest you draw them into a conversation better left to an actual relationship. These are best left for when you have actually begun that monogomous relationship.
Exude confidence wherever possible. But don't brag either.
Don't call for a few days unless you've agreed otherwise. This isn't as daring as rescheduling, and can build a little tension and excitement for your next meeting.
Don't reveal too much of yourself right away. Future dates will include many opportunities for conversation, so you don't want the other person to already know everything about you.
Do what feels right by letting things take their course.
Enjoy yourself. The moment that your relationship or date isn't any fun, that's when you know this person might not be the best fit.
Warnings
While saying a few fibs here and there seems harmless, make sure that large exaggerations and out-and-out lying are nowhere to be found. This is just childish.
As with any venture into being unique, some are more hesitant to accept you and so, be ready for criticism.
Some people are more flirtatious than others so expect that some roads lead nowhere.
Don't be too generic. While most relationships strangely take about the same curve, telling someone you like their shoes to strike up a conversation is not interesting.
Stick to what you know and don't talk about topics you know nothing about.
Don't talk too much about any one subject. So you absolutely love the architecture of Munich, who cares? If you talk about it for seven hours, chances are the other person was just being courteous and letting you talk first.
On matters of politics, religion and anything else that tends to be controversial, watch out. These things are a minefield, but don't be frightened to walk across minefields in the right situations. If these topics somehow find their way to the surface, don't be afraid to voice your opinions.
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