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How to Have a Great Conversation
Do you want to relax and be comfortable in a conversation? Do you end up feeling completely awkward instead? Having great conversations doesn't always come naturally. It takes practice, but the concept is simpler than you might think. So here's how to become a great conversationalist.
Steps
Forget yourself.The most interesting thing you could ever talk about with someone else has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the other person. If you are too busy thinking about yourself, what you look like, or what the other person might be thinking about you, you will never be able to relax. So, forget yourself and focus on them instead.
Find out what the other person is interested in. You can even do some research in advance when you know you'll have an opportunity to talk with someone. Complimenting them is a great place to start. Everyone likes sincere compliments, and that can be a great ice-breaker. What do they like to do? What sorts of things have they done in their life? What's happening to them now? What did they do today/last weekend? Try to identify things about that person that you might be interested in hearing about, and politely ask them. Remember, there's a reason you wanted to talk with this person, so surely there must be something about them that you find interesting.
Listen. This is the most important part of any conversation. You might think a conversation is all about talking, but it won't go anywhere if the listener is too busy thinking of something to say next. Listen. Pay attention to what is said. Listen intently, then listen some more. Everyone will think you're the most interesting person to talk to when you really didn't do much talking at all! And when you're really listening, you're too busy to think about yourself and you can relax and really get into the conversation.
Practice active listening skills. Part of listening is letting the other person know. Look at them. Nod. Say "yes," "I see," "that's interesting," or something else to give them clues that you really are paying attention and not thinking about what you're going to say next, or what you're going to have for breakfast tomorrow.
Don't panic over lulls. If no one is talking, use that opportunity to think for a moment and look for another conversation topic - ideally one that relates to the previous one. Did something they said remind you of something else you've heard, something that happened to you, or bring up a question in your mind? Mention it! Go back to Step 2 and ask questions to get the talk going again.
Know when the conversation is over. Even the best conversations will eventually run out of steam. Ending on a positive note will leave a nice impression on them, and make all your conversations more confident and enjoyable.
Steps
Forget yourself.The most interesting thing you could ever talk about with someone else has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the other person. If you are too busy thinking about yourself, what you look like, or what the other person might be thinking about you, you will never be able to relax. So, forget yourself and focus on them instead.
Find out what the other person is interested in. You can even do some research in advance when you know you'll have an opportunity to talk with someone. Complimenting them is a great place to start. Everyone likes sincere compliments, and that can be a great ice-breaker. What do they like to do? What sorts of things have they done in their life? What's happening to them now? What did they do today/last weekend? Try to identify things about that person that you might be interested in hearing about, and politely ask them. Remember, there's a reason you wanted to talk with this person, so surely there must be something about them that you find interesting.
Listen. This is the most important part of any conversation. You might think a conversation is all about talking, but it won't go anywhere if the listener is too busy thinking of something to say next. Listen. Pay attention to what is said. Listen intently, then listen some more. Everyone will think you're the most interesting person to talk to when you really didn't do much talking at all! And when you're really listening, you're too busy to think about yourself and you can relax and really get into the conversation.
Practice active listening skills. Part of listening is letting the other person know. Look at them. Nod. Say "yes," "I see," "that's interesting," or something else to give them clues that you really are paying attention and not thinking about what you're going to say next, or what you're going to have for breakfast tomorrow.
Don't panic over lulls. If no one is talking, use that opportunity to think for a moment and look for another conversation topic - ideally one that relates to the previous one. Did something they said remind you of something else you've heard, something that happened to you, or bring up a question in your mind? Mention it! Go back to Step 2 and ask questions to get the talk going again.
Know when the conversation is over. Even the best conversations will eventually run out of steam. Ending on a positive note will leave a nice impression on them, and make all your conversations more confident and enjoyable.
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