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OK, so her killer moves didn't translate into a killer movie, but no one can pout and fight at the same time like Garner's Elektra. Plus, she has that whole "killed but then resurrected by magical ninjas" thing in her corner. Who else can boast that? It's just a shame she fell for a blind dude who can't appreciate her appeal, even with radar sense.
This is how we like our Theron served: In a tight catsuit, spread eagle, with absolutely no hint of "Oscar winner" anywhere in the vicinity. Aeon Flux is an acrobatic, cold-as–Vanilla Ice killer who will not only snap your neck between her thighs—she'll have you begging to have your neck snapped between her thighs.
As the hands-down hottest person trying to get to Buddy "Aces" Israel (apologies to Ryan Reynolds), Alicia proved she can handle a gun and an attitude as well as she handles the piano. Even her lesbian partner-in-crime can't stay focused around her. Anytime Alicia bends over, she's leering harder than David Spade at the Playboy Mansion.
French women don't actually need to go through extensive "special ops" training to become lethal killers. If they look like Ms. Parillaud, all they have to do is saunter up to you in their insane high heels, look you dead in the eye, and say, "I vill, how you say? Take you to ze restroom and kill you now, yes?" And you'd follow her like you were a starving man in the desert and her dress was made of water and pizza.
Despite her sketchy past (we're not talking about her time as a member of Bill's killer posse, we're talking about her time unknowingly servicing lonely truckers), "The Bride" is an imposingly hot figure. If you're one of the lucky victims who gets away with just a spanking, don't blow it by running back all, "Thank you, Ma'am, may I have another?" You've been given a gift. Enjoy it.
When a woman who looks like Angelina can casually slip out of the house with S&M gear under her overcoat, kill a man in a high-priced hotel suite, and then gently float 60 stories to the street below like some German fetishist version of Mary Poppins, you don't call her the world's sexiest assassin, you call her "Mrs. Us." So what if her idea of foreplay involves shooting up the house and kicking the shit out of us? It seems to work for the couples on Cops.
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