Cheating

[maryam9]

new opinions.. ? digeh kasi zanesho goul nemizaneh ? hmmm,cheghadar bad

ok well ive got an opinion lol (well its not my opinion as such, its scientific fact).

Basically, a man is emotionally schizoid in comparison to a woman.

For those of you who dont know, schizoid means "two", so in this context its referring to the fact that men keep things separately and dont associate one thing with the other.
This means that men are better at separating the physical side from their emotional side. i.e. men can have a one-night-stand but still be in love with their gf. And before you reply, i know, yes, its morally wrong. im not sticking-up/supporting men who cheat, im just giving the scientific take on things - thats all

another thing, its scientific fact that the role of the man is to ensure population (i.e. human race) will go on and on, so its in a man's genetic make-up to always want to 'procreate' but this has become a problem ever since monogamy (in the form of marriage) because of laws of fidelity in a marriage.

and this is also the reason why women are less likely to cheat on their husbands, because women have traditionally been the ones at home. its also related to their hormones, but thats another long story.

this is my stance on the topic -
- forgive a man depending on the situation
- if the woman cheats, though, because females arent schizoid, shes more likely aware of what shes doing.
(i know someone is gonna reply back and comment on what ive just said here, saying something along the lines of equality between men and women)

*my* opinion - if my husband cheated on me, i might give him one chance for the sake of any kids we might have, but if no kids are involved then forget it - it will be over - because the trust will be broken. id rather be single and happy, than be married for the sake of it.

[zubin]

cheating is a self-fulfilling prophecy. We say people cheat, so they cheat. Its their stereotype. the stereotype also causes people to "forget" their love momentarily...

the person should be forgiven because its not their fault that they cheated, its social and childhood forces that make a person prone to making physical mistakes.

at the same time, cheating is also not a good thing. its better if there were mechanisms that prevented cheating in a good way. for example, the reality is that some people have a phase where they want to have sex with different partners. so, such people should not be expected to make strong commitments. culturally, the norm should be that they have sex with different partners without cheating on any of them (by having flexible relationships with less commitment). after its out of their system, the person him/herself WILL be ready to settle down with one partner and never cheat on them. they will have had the time and freedom to experiment, think about it, and settle without any physical regrets with the person they love...

ok well ive got an opinion lol (well its not my opinion as such, its scientific fact).

Basically, a man is emotionally schizoid in comparison to a woman.

For those of you who dont know, schizoid means "two", so in this context its referring to the fact that men keep things separately and dont associate one thing with the other.
This means that men are better at separating the physical side from their emotional side. i.e. men can have a one-night-stand but still be in love with their gf. And before you reply, i know, yes, its morally wrong. im not sticking-up/supporting men who cheat, im just giving the scientific take on things - thats all

another thing, its scientific fact that the role of the man is to ensure population (i.e. human race) will go on and on, so its in a man's genetic make-up to always want to 'procreate' but this has become a problem ever since monogamy (in the form of marriage) because of laws of fidelity in a marriage.

and this is also the reason why women are less likely to cheat on their husbands, because women have traditionally been the ones at home. its also related to their hormones, but thats another long story.

I have two counter-arguments for you I hope you don't mind. If this is a scientific fact, why is it that not ALL men are like this? And, can't we conceive of an educated and sensible man in an over-populated world with no condoms losing his desire to procreate?

[maryam9]

I have two counter-arguments for you I hope you don't mind. If this is a scientific fact, why is it that not ALL men are like this? And, can't we conceive of an educated and sensible man in an over-populated world with no condoms losing his desire to procreate?

answers
1 - plain and simple, because everyones different (with regards to listening to their conscience)
2 - rephrase please, wasnt sure what you meant.

[maryam9]

at the same time, cheating is also not a good thing. its better if there were mechanisms that prevented cheated in a good way. for example, the reality is that some people have a phase where they want to have sex with different partners. so, such people should not be expected to make strong committments. culturally, the norm should be that they have sex with different partners without cheating on any of them (by having flexible relationship with less committment). after its out of their system, the person him/herself WILL be ready to settle down with one partner and never cheat on them. they will have had the time and freedom to experiment, think about it, and settle without any regrets with the person they love...

is true for men in their early to mid 20's when they have peak testosterone levels

also occurs to women who are older (e.g. 40s)

[zubin]

answers
1 - plain and simple, because everyones different (with regards to listening to their conscience)

well doesn't the fact that there is diversity among men make the idea of them being scientifically more prone to cheating... if not technically inaccurate, overly simplistic?

2 - rephrase please, wasnt sure what you meant.

I'm saying, I can visualize a man that is smart and educated, who lives in an over-populated earth, and for that reason 'loses' the desire to procreate. In certain conditions, suddenly a scientific fact is not true. So it can't be scientific... That's the idea at least...

[maryam9]

answers
1 - plain and simple, because everyones different (with regards to listening to their conscience)

well doesn't the fact that there is diversity among men make the idea of them being scientifically more prone to cheating... if not technically inaccurate, overly simplistic?

yes, it's a generalisation.

I'm saying, I can visualize a man that is smart and educated, who lives in an over-populated earth, and for that reason 'loses' the desire to procreate. In certain conditions, suddenly a scientific fact is not true. So it can't be scientific... That's the idea at least...

i know what ure saying and agree with you. im sitting on the fence on this one. But more men tend to have kids with their partners, rather than hold back and adopt etc.

[zubin]

i know what ure saying and agree with you. im sitting on the fence on this one. But more men tend to have kids with their partners, rather than hold back and adopt etc.

Its just a thing about how mainstream psychology defines 'science'. They are content with the idea that X will probably happen. But it would be much more scientific, if they incorporated 'conditions' to their science. Then one could say with certainty, that in Y, W and Z conditions, X will be true. The reason is that mainstream psychology is influenced, historically and currently, by what is now called neo-liberal ideology, with the belief that we should not impose conditions on human beings. So psychology its admittedly (yet secretly) unscientific. Also, the ideology can be rebutted, because people quite often want conditions to exist. The best illustration of that is a child... That's the argument at least. And believe me, so many people (eg in the fields of sociology and geography, but also common sense thinkers and regular people) are very bitter about this psychological 'determinism'. Determinism also goes good with bad politics, as it makes it easier for politicians to throw their hands up in the air and say that they just can't do anything about this and that bad policy. For example, taxing rich people...

I'm sure I went somewhat off on a tangent....

[maryam9]

lol, im sure you did too
i got a bit lost mid-way (psychology confuses me)

maybe perhaps i over-simplified things, or maybe even i got the wrong end of the stick. I first read about this from a book i read ages ago,
name of book - conscious courtship
author - switzer

[zubin]

is true for men in their early to mid 20's when they have peak testosterone levels

also occurs to women who are older (e.g. 40s)

yes, but interestingly enough, some people (and they exist in all cultures) are raised a way that makes them inherently monogymous even at that age...

i got a bit lost mid-way (psychology confuses me)

essentially, the book you read employs a 'probability' definition of psychology, which can be argued to be not a science. with science, hypothesis X is supposed to be true, not 'probably, under certain conditions' be true. Yet, there are non-mainstream psychological theories that emphasize conditions, and are thus more scientific.

The example we were talking about was the idea that, scientifically, men have the urge to procreate. But this is not true in ALL conditions. In order for it to be scientfically true, one must say 'men have the urge to procreate in X and Y conditions'... That produces certainty as opposed to probability, and is thus more scientific...

[maryam9]

The example we were talking about was the idea that, scientifically, men have the urge to procreate. But this is not true in ALL conditions. In order for it to be scientfically true, one must say 'men have the urge to procreate in X and Y conditions'... That produces certainty as opposed to probability, and is thus more scientific...

ok, now i get you
well enough from me tonight, im going to bed
g'nite.

[zubin]

I hope I didn't completely bore you (and everyone else I guess)! good night, sleep tight

[zubin]

vali mardum migan hamishe "once a cheater - always a cheater", benazaram cherte. agar masalan man ye chizi badi konam hamishe mardum bayad bezanan ru saram va began "to hichvaght doorost nemishi?" we should forgive people for the bad things they have done in their life. i don't like to judge people. i think it's the worst thing a person can do. to judge..

100% true... everyone has the capacity for change and to judge them is just to turn them into a self-fulfilling prophecy... to MAKE them a cheater...

though ofcourse this doesn't mean that a person should always forgive a person who cheated on them and go back...

[indian_blues]

I will give forgive the person who cheats me, but surely wont myself for choosing a wrong person for myself. Problems lie within us, not on others coz we always have choices.

[Rasputin]

No.I Never Forgive Her/Him 12 <--- wow .