Jealousy

[Michellica]

khoshbakhtane man hich vakht adame jealous giram nayumad...(albate relationships fagadr ba italiahi dashtam irani ta hala nadashtam!va nemidunam ba irania chi joorye)...
Jealousy ye darde kheili badie...va tooye zaate tamame adama hast!bazia mitunan control konan bazia na!
Zamane dabirestanam yadame bazi vakhta ba doostam dokhtaroone miraftim biroon...va hamash man bayad ba bfaye bazi doostam dava konan chon insist mikardan oonaham bian ke control konan!Man injoor chizara ghabool nemikonam!age trust nadari beham bezan...tooye relationship mohem tarin chiz TRUST hast! age nadari be taraf be dard nemikhore fagadr khodeto miranjooni va tarafo!
Bazi vakhta modatayee hast ke adam ziad rajebe relationshipesh motmaen nist...va jealousy miad biroon...be jayee inke dava morafe konan bayad hamishe ROK harf zad ba partner...moshkelato kamelan goft bedoone tarof va bayad say kard halesh konan!COMMUNICATION mohem tarin chizie!moshkel dari?
Man too mardaye irani kheili didam ke zaneshoono/gfeshoono be zahereshoon gir midan...masalan baradare man ba inke inja bedonia umade va kheili libertarian va open mind e nemizare gfesh(italiahi) mini-s***t bepooshe!man aslan injoor chizara nemifahmam....age taraf raftaresh ba mardom zaye hast ok vali chera bayad harjoor ke doost dare lebas napooshe?chon mardom mibinan? khob bebinan chi mishe hala? be ghole injahia "Guardare ma non toccare"(Look but don't touch!)...mardom hatta age burka bepooshi nigat mikonan!ye nemoonash too iran...ba manto roosari miram biroon ziad zaye nemipoosham mesle dokhtar ghertia bekhatere inke hoseleye darde sar nadaram too 1 mah oonja...va 10000ta tikke behem mipparoonan!hatta be zane chadori!!!pas tarze lebas pooshidan aslan rabti nadare be cheating kardan!age taraf vazesh kharabe hamejoor model kharabe karish nemishe kard!
Badesham...harchi bishtar be partneret limit bezari badtar mishe...chon partner be khatere inke dava o ina nadashte bashe va betoone oon kari ke doost dare anjam bede shoorooh mikone be dooroogh goftan...natijeye khoobie? ASSLAN!
Too relationship bayad hamishe honest bud va hamishe bayad harf zad rok rajebe moshkeli o chizi...hich vakht nabayad ghayem kard ya ba khodemoon begim "velesh mohem nist" va bad bozorgtar she!Va fekr konam ye jayee dige ham ino neveshtam hamishe say konin TAMAME chizaye partneretoono niga konin na fagadr khoobiash!va gashang fekr konin mitoonin tahamol konin ya na!maksusan oonayee ke ghaste ezdevaj ba taraf daran!hamishe chizara az tamame lahaz niga konin na fagadr eshgh...ke age ye rooz sarneveshtetoon baham bood moshkelate khassi nadashte bashin!
That's all

[Rasputin]

How to Deal With a Jealous Person

Steps

Think about the way you may be acting to see if you are inadvertently causing jealousy.

Talk it out. Sometimes, the jealousy could be the result of a misunderstanding. Maybe the other person simply doesn't know how he or she seems to other people, and it would be helpful for you to bring it up. You might also be mistaking actions for jealousy when that is not actually the case.

Tips

Jealousy usually stems from their insecurities. You might be a fun, beautiful, gregarious person that people are jealous of. Too bad. Let them. You won't serve yourself any better by catering to their hate. When someone is envious of you, it means that you have something they want. If you want to help them and they seem nice and worth the effort, offer to show them how you, got your hair that way, where you found that shirt, how you got the killer job. Empowering them is a good way to diffuse their jealousy, but only do this for those people you feel are worthy of your time and energy. Ignore the others. Their jealous is a mask for insecurity. Once you recognize that there's nothing behind the veneer, you'll be fine.



Warnings

Jealous people will try to bring you down to their level. Don't let them. Remember you've got a lot going for them and if their a good person couldn't hurt to remind them of what they've got going for them.

[Rasputin]

بعضي ها از كلك هاي حسادت آميز عاشقانه خوششان مي آيد، در مورد خواستگارهاي سابق حرف زدن، گرم گرفتن با خانمهاي جوان براي تحريك حس حسادت همسر و تظاهر به اعتماد نداشتن به طرف مقابل در زمينه تعهد عاطفي از مصاديق اين نوع كلكها است.
خانمي كه اكنون مدتي از ازدواج او گذشته است، حسادت را يك تكنيك در به دست آوردن همسر دلخواهش مي داند. او مي گويد، همسرم يكي از اقوام ما بود كه براي ازدواج با من سرعتي به خرج نمي داد . در حالي كه از طريق خواهرش مطلع شده بودم كه چنين قصدي دارد و من نيز او را براي همسري مناسب مي دانستم به همين دليل به يكي از خواستگارهايم جواب منفي ندادم و شرحي از وضعيت شغلي و ظاهري او در فاميل پيچيد. همين امر سبب شد همسرم پيشدستي كند و قبل از اين كه به خواستار قبلي جواب قطعي بدهم به خواستگاري من بيايد و خيلي زود با هم ازدواج كرديم و حسادت او نتيجه مثبت داد.
مريم نيز زن جواني است كه 2 سال از ازدواج او گذشته است. او مي گويد، پيش از ازدواج اصلاً حسود نبودم ولي فكر مي كنم علاقه زيادي به همسرم سبب شده است هر بار كه در مورد يكي از همكاران خانمش حرف مي زند يا با كسي احوالپرسي گرمي مي كند ناراحت شوم.
مريم ادامه مي دهد به همسرم اعتماد كامل دارم اما او آنقدر خوب است كه مي ترسم براي ديگران هم به اندازه من محبوب باشد.
اما نسترن حسادت را يك تفريح مي داند كه كمي هم جدي است. او اعتقاد دارد استفاده از جنبه شوخي حسادت و غلو كردن آن بهترين ابزار براي تذكر در مورد زياده رويهايي است كه در طرز رفتار هركسي نادانسته ممكن است پيش بيايد با اين كه قصد و غرض در بين باشد. او مي گويد من و همسرم از اين طريق هم با هم شوخي مي كنيم هم باعث تفريح مي شود هم اين كه بدون آزردگي خاطر به هم تذكر مي دهيم، درحالي كه اين تذكر را نشانه محبت نيز مي دانيم.
زهره خانم 40 ساله اي است كه 20 سال با حسادت همسرش زندگي كرده است به اعتقاد او حسادت نه شوخي، نه بازي و نه محترمانه است. او همسرش را مرد حسودي مي داند كه با حسادتهاي بي مورد خود زندگيشان را تلخ كرده است.
زهره مي گويد: همسرم دوست ندارد جلوي جمع ظاهر شوم جلوي مردان فاميل حرفي بزنم يا حتي به تلفن پاسخ بدهم. به همه مردان شك دارد واين برخورد او رفت و آمدهايمان را بسيار محدود كرده است. اوايل كه به خواستگاري ام آمد فكر كردم اين حسادت او نشانه محبت است و خوشحال شدم اما امروز از اين نوع محبت بيزار هستم.
حسادت مي تواند تأثير منفي بر زندگي افراد بگذارد. از لحاظ روانشناسي حسادت يك نياز فطري نيست و حتي در فرهنگهاي مختلف متفاوت بروز مي كند. در برخي فرهنگها افراد به شدت حسود هستند اما در بعضي فرهنگها حسادت چيزي ناشناخته است. اعظم فاطمي روان شناس، حسادت را ميل اجتناب ناپذير به كنترل شخصي مي داند كه براي ما مهم است. اين حس وقتي در شخص انگيخته مي شود كه در عين وابستگي به او، احساس ناامني و نگراني نيز داشته باشد.
اين روانشناس مي افزايد: وقتي ما نسبت به خنديدن فرد مورد علاقه مان با ديگران اظهار نظر او در مورد تواناييها يا زيبايي ديگران و رفتارهاي اجتماعي او با ديگران حسادت مي كنيم مثل اين است كه از او تضمين بخواهيم كه هميشه و فقط و فقط ما را دوست داشته باشد و توجهي به ديگران نداشته باشد. اين تضمين خواهي واقع بينانه نيست. حسادت از توقعاتي از اين دست برمي خيزد.
ـ مي خواهم هر وقت نياز دارم در دسترسم باشد.
او فقط در صورتي خوب است كه تمام خواسته هاي مرا برآورده كند.
او مديون من است پس بايد طبق خواسته من عمل كند.
اين نوع باور، انسان را در روابط بازنده مي كند زيرا در احساس حقارت ريشه دارد و از احساس منفي نسبت به خويشتن ريشه مي گيرد، ترس از اين كه اينقدر خوب نيستيم كه هميشه دوستمان بدارند، حسادت بيشتر در سنين پايين ديده مي شود و در ميان افراد مسن تر مي تواند به سوءظن تبديل شود. بنابراين حسادت حس خوبي نيست وبايد با تقويت عزت نفس با آن مقابله كرد.

[Rasputin]

How to Handle Jealousy

Everyone feels jealous from time to time. Jealousy is easy to deal with, once you understand what it's teaching you.

Steps

Understand the emotion. Jealousy is usually a combination of fear and anger; a fear of losing something, and anger because someone else has something that you want or wished that you had.

Allow yourself to actually 'feel' the emotion in a healthy way. When you start feeling jealous, ask yourself: is it more fear based, or more anger based?

Recognize which part of your body is being affected. If you feel a dropping or clutching sensation in your stomach, it’s probably fear. If you feel a burning, tight sensation in your shoulders and jaw, then you’re likely feeling anger. You might also feel a combination of those sensations.

Communicate your feelings. Sharing your true feelings with someone without blaming them can create a deep sense of connection between the two of you and open up a dialogue about the path of your relationship.
Identify what your jealousy is teaching you. Jealousy can alert you to what you want. If you’re jealous of someone who has more money, ask yourself, how could you create more money in your life? If you’re jealous of someone who is beautiful, ask yourself in what ways are you beautiful? When you begin taking action steps toward creating what you want, you won’t feel jealous of others. Instead, you’ll likely feel excited that you’re on your way to having what you want.

Change any false beliefs that might cause jealousy. There is often a false belief that underlies jealousy, and fuels the emotion. If you examine the belief, many times, you can eliminate the jealousy. Some common underlying beliefs are “I’m not good enough, pretty enough, or rich enough,” or “They are prettier, smarter, or better than me.” Beliefs are changeable. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel. Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you’ll feel better. When you begin taking steps to creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, you will find the anger, the jealousy and the pain will disappear.



Tips

Be satisfied with yourself and what you have. Everyone is different and each person has their good and bad qualities. Be happy with your own condition and you'll never have to worry about being jealous ever again.



Warnings

If jealousy in your relationship is leading to control or power struggles, it's a sign that there is an underlying issue which needs to be addressed.

[Rasputin]

Everyone feels jealous from time to time. Jealousy is easy to deal with, once you understand what it's teaching you.

Steps

Understand the emotion. Jealousy is usually a combination of fear and anger; a fear of losing something, and anger that someone is "moving in on" something that you feel belongs only to you. Also, be aware of the distinction between jealousy and envy: they are two separate and distinct emotions. Jealousy involves wanting to keep something which you already have; whereas, envy involves wanting something which you don't have.
Allow yourself to actually 'feel' the emotion in a healthy way. When you start feeling jealous, ask yourself: is it more fear based, or more anger based? Recognize which part of your body is being affected. If you feel a dropping or clutching sensation in your stomach, it’s probably fear. If you feel a burning, tight sensation in your shoulders and jaw, then you’re likely feeling anger. You might also feel a combination of those sensations.
Communicate your feelings. Sharing your true feelings with someone without blaming them can create a deep sense of connection between the two of you and open up a dialogue about the path of your relationship. Instead of saying, "you shouldn't have done that", say, "I felt terrible when you did that." Use "I" instead of "You".

Identify what your jealousy is teaching you. Jealousy can alert you to what you want, and what is important to you. If you’re jealous of someone talking to a friend of yours, personal relationships may be important to you. If you’re jealous of your money, you may have an underlying need for security or freedom. Ask yourself, 'Why am I jealous over this? What is making me jealous? What am I trying to keep? Why do I feel threatened?' When you begin to understand what makes you jealous, you can begin to take positive steps to maintain those things, without the cloud of negative emotion that accompanies jealousy.

Change any false beliefs that might cause jealousy. There are often false beliefs that underlie jealousy and fuel emotion. If you examine the belief, many times, you can eliminate the jealousy. Some common underlying beliefs are “Everyone is out to get my money.” or “If this person leaves me, I won't have any friends.” Beliefs are changeable. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel. Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you’ll feel better. When you begin taking steps to creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, you will find the anger, the jealousy and the fear will disappear.



Tips

Jealousy is not the same thing as love. Sometimes, people think that by feeling jealous about someone, they are loving them. Jealousy is not love, it’s the fear and anger of losing love. Jealousy disappears when you are truly loving yourself and others for whatever experience you’re having.
Learn to be happy yourself and what you have. Everyone is different and each person has their good and bad qualities. Realize that you have the potential to create a better future.
Try to talk about your problems with someone. Perhaps you feel that these jealous tendencies are a private matter; then, you ought to anonymously ask an advice column or similar construct about your problem.



Warnings

If jealousy in your relationship is leading to control or power struggles, it's a sign that there is an underlying issue which needs to be addressed.

[Rasputin]

Halam az dokhtaraye hasud beh ham mikhoreh .