jus sum jokes u have or havn't heard!

[gol_goli]

One day this plane was about to crash into the sea......

A rich women stood up n began getting un-dressed n started sticking her money to her-self

every1 asked her why she was sticking her money to her-self
she goes: so that wen we crass in the sea the rescue team will find me first because all my money will float around me n wil signal for help

a next woman who was also rich stood up....she began wearing all her jewerlly....

they askd her y
she sed:because all my jewerlly will shine n signal for help n i will be rescued first

then a black woman stood up.......she to got undressed
they asked her y she got undressed

then she goes:so that they will find me first because the first thing they will be looking for is d black box!!!!!!




..............
heres anotha one

sare jalaseye khastegari bad az nim saat sokoot:
madare damad mige:bebakhshid kebrit darid pesaram mikhad sigar bekeshe.
-e,pas damad sigari ham hast.
:sigari ke na bad az mashroob michasbe.
-eeee,pas mashroob ham mikhore.
:na akhe ghomar karde bood bakht ye kam behesh mashroob dadim khoob beshe.
-eeeee, pas ghomar baz ham hast
:na akhe doostash too zendan yadesh dadand.
-EEEEE pas zendanham rafte?
:na akhe motad bood chand rooz gerefte boodandesh.
-EEEEEEEEEEEEEE motad bood??????????
:na akhe zanesh losh dade bood. -ZANESH!!!!!!!!


u may hav herd dem but i thought id put them newy jus incase u havnt hope u like dem

[ToXiC]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL @ the first one!

[gol_goli]

here are jus sum more jokes that i found wen i was bored hpe u like dem


very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in
front of his office, ready to show it off to his
colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close
and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.
The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed
911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions,
the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus,
which he had just picked up the day before, was now
completely ruined and would never be the same, no
matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting
and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and
disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you
lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your
possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is
missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn
off when the truck hit you."

"My God" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"



...........................



A kindergarten teacher decides she’s going to teach
her students a lesson about the five senses. She wants
to start with taste, so she brings in flavored sucking
candies to class, blindfolds the children, and asks
them to taste each one. The students have no problem
identifying the cherry, lemon, and lime flavors, but
when it comes to the honey sucker, they’re stumped.
“I’ll give you a hint,” the teacher says. “You may
hear your mommies and daddies call each other this
flavor at home.”

“Spit ’em out Spit ’em out” cries one child.
“They’re *******s”



..............................


A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor
I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't
bother me too much. My farts never smell and are
always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at
least 20 times since I've been here in your office.
You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell
and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come
back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says,
"I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my
farts...although still silent...stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good Now that we've cleared up
your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."



.........................


In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.




On a Sear's hairdryer:


....Do not use while sleeping.


(darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)




On a bag of Fritos:


....You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.


(the shoplifter special?)




On a bar of Dial soap:


"Directions: Use like regular soap."


(and that would be how???....)




On some Swanson frozen dinners:


"Serving suggestion: Defrost."


(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)




Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):


"Do not turn upside down."


(well...duh, a bit late, huh?)




On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:


"Product will be hot after heating."


(...and you thought????...)




On packaging for a Rowenta iron:


"Do not iron clothes on body."


(but wouldn't this save me more time?)




On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:


"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."


(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)




On Nytol Sleep Aid:


"Warning: May cause drowsiness."


(and...I'm taking this because???....)




On most brands of Christmas lights:


"For indoor or outdoor use only."


(as opposed to...what?)




On a Japanese food processor:


"Not to be used for the other use."


(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)




On Sainsbury's peanuts:


"Warning: contains nuts."


(talk about a news flash)




On an American Airlines packet of nuts:


"Instructions: open packet, eat nuts."


(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)




On a child's superman costume:


"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."


(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)



sum mite not be az good az other but hey Enjoy

[moonlight79]

chera man az jokaye englisi khandam nemigire?????????

[aliandarash1]

THAT IS LONGGG