Is monogamy naive?

[csite]

not necessarily - sometimes it becomes an eye-opener, and the child grows up and becomes wiser beacuse they learn from the mistakes that his/her parents made.

That's the initial plan, it very rarely becomes reality.

you say that why women should make effort and at the same time say that men should make effort!

and when men cheat they cheat with other women! so both parts are equally guilty! women even more! because women have more self control when it comes to sex!

In china if a man cheats the always blame the woman he cheated with.

[zubin]

The main question is:

why does a person cheat?

Perhaps there are exceptional circumstances for it, like if a person's life is being abused and remains completely alone in the relationship.

Maryam, does your statement support this view? If no one cares about each other in the relationship, why stick to it? If the relationship is abusive... at least a break?

You should still put in effort when ure married, but most people dont and thats where the problem starts.

If the wife gradually gets fatter and starts wearing boring clothes etc (e.g. sweatpants instead of dresses, etc) then of course the man is going to look at other women etc. Hence why all women should make it a priority.

Things only become a routine if you dont make an effort, otherwise, how hard is it to book a surprise table at the restaurant and take someone out after they get home from work, or go away for a weekend (and if u have kids then give them to someone trustworthy to look after).

I think your family background matters, people who come from single parent backgrounds are more likely to separate with their partners too imo. Yes i think their personalities are messed up, they grew up thinking its ok to cheat on your partner multiple times. For me the worse part is some of them have young children which i would have thought is meant to strengthen a relationship. Anyways i think alot of Scottish people are pretty messed up, in scotland we have a huge rate of teenage pregnancies etc. their very irresponsible people.

So maybe some people have attachment problems and will end up cheating. Is it their fault? Perhaps these people need more time and experimentation to get over it?

[maryam9]

bahat nistam inja! yani manzoreto nemigiram! to migi zan chera bayad kari bekone! on marde ke bayad bere mize resturant begire!

va man migan in harfe to zedde khodeshe! chon age mard har kariam bekone zan age delesh bekhad mire ya baraks! ziad ba effort kari nadare! maybe 5-10% of cheatings are because of effort!

va inke faghat marda cheater nistan! zanha ham hastan! chon marda soraghe mardaye dige ke nemiran bara cheating va zana jormeshon bishtare chon zana self controle behtari daran az marda!

men are animals

1. zan bayad ba khodesh berese (self-explanatory, really)

2. women can do things for their man aswell.... (zanaa ham nabayad faghat bareh mardaa sabr-konan ke mardaa faghat miiz too restaurant "reserve" bokonan, etc etc. )

talk to u later gotta go

[zubin]

women have more self control when it comes to sex!

vaghean? shayad "fargh" daran, vali control yeki bashe... man nemeedunam, hameenjuri meegam: az koja meeduni? dokhtari mage

[maryam9]

vaghean? shayad "fargh" daran, vali control yeki bashe... man nemeedunam, hameenjuri meegam: az koja meeduni? dokhtari mage

yes- sex drive is "fueled" by testosterone, the male hormone
(men have more testosterone than women)

thats why

[maryam9]

The main question is:

why does a person cheat?
Perhaps there are exceptional circumstances for it, like if a person's life is being abused and remains completely alone in the relationship.

Maryam, does your statement support this view? If no one cares about each other in the relationship, why stick to it? If the relationship is abusive... at least a break?

if you are in an abusive relationship, you should end it FIRST and then start a new relationship with someone else

[maryam9]

not necessarily - sometimes it becomes an eye-opener, and the child grows up and becomes wiser beacuse they learn from the mistakes that his/her parents made.

That's the initial plan, it very rarely becomes reality.

its not that rare - children/teenagers in a troubled family learn things and it makes you a stronger person.

one of my good friends is my age. her parents marriage was just dragging on for years and years, and it was a really bad relationship - it recently ended in divorce. however, she herself has been in a stable relationship with her boyfriend of 5 years

[zubin]

if you are in an abusive relationship, you should end it FIRST and then start a new relationship with someone else

testosterone is the male sex hormone. who is to say that female hormones do not produce as much of a sexual potential, but simply differently? a different type of drive, but a drive nonetheless, and who is to say it is not as strong?

that was my inquiry...

if you are in an abusive relationship, you should end it FIRST and then start a new relationship with someone else

what if you love the abusive person and think they will change after a while, and so you don't want to totally end it? I'm just playing devil's advocate here... It just seems that not all relationships are that simple...

[csite]

its not that rare - children/teenagers in a troubled family learn things and it makes you a stronger person.

one of my good friends is my age. her parents marriage was just dragging on for years and years, and it was a really bad relationship - it recently ended in divorce. however, she herself has been in a stable relationship with her boyfriend of 5 years

lol, my friends never learn! Some of my friends make their partners 100% reliant upon them, then they get on with mischief, just a few days ago my friend called me from greece telling me he had a one night stand with some random chick, he confessed it to his gf and she forgave him. He must obviously felt very guilty but then again this isn't his first time, everytime we go out i have to hold him back!

[maryam9]

testosterone is the male sex hormone. who is to say that female hormones do not produce as much of a sexual potential, but simply differently? a different type of drive, but a drive nonetheless, and who is to say it is not as strong?

that was my inquiry...

what if you love the abusive person and think they will change after a while, and so you don't want to totally end it? I'm just playing devil's advocate here... It just seems that not all relationships are that simple...

yeah, i know testosterone is the male hormone, females have it aswell but not as much as men.

female hormones dont affect the sex drive, so to speak. they affect the womans perception of sex/intimacy etc, andthis is all related to evolution and survival of the fittest.

for example, around the female menstruation period, women get more oestrogen, so we're attracted to men with stronger jaw lines, men with deeper voices, broader shoulders, etc. read about it - its interesting. so women would "mate" with those men, so that the "offspring"(our kids) have good features, so it means that the human race will not die out ....
(its turning into a biology class!)

to summarise - testosterone controls sex drive andis in both men and women, but in different amounts
female hormones affect the womans perception of sex
read about it, its interesting.

[maryam9]

lol, my friends never learn! Some of my friends make their partners 100% reliant upon them, then they get on with mischief, just a few days ago my friend called me from greece telling me he had a one night stand with some random chick, he confessed it to his gf and she forgave him. He must obviously felt very guilty but then again this isn't his first time, everytime we go out i have to hold him back!

1. it depends on your personality etc. what i was getting at was that its not rare

2. thats expected in a way, men in their 20s have the most amount of testosterone in their body, after about 25yrs+, the levels lower, hence why the male sex drive drops with age

[maryam9]

1. it depends on your personality etc. what i was getting at was that its not rare

2. thats expected in a way, men in their 20s have the most amount of testosterone in their body, after about 25yrs+, the levels lower, hence why the male sex drive drops with age

also, thats why womens sex drive increases with age

normally (so, before the menopause) women have more oestrogen than testosterone

as they get older, and after menopause, their oestrogen levels drop, and so the oestrogen:testosterone ratio is disrupted (resulting in a higher proportion of testosterone than oestrogen) so that affects their sex drive

thats the main reason why older women have affairs with younger men, coz their sex drives match

random fact haha

[zubin]

yeah, i know testosterone is the male hormone, females have it aswell but not as much as men.

female hormones dont affect the sex drive, so to speak. they affect the womans perception of sex/intimacy etc, andthis is all related to evolution and survival of the fittest.

for example, around the female menstruation period, women get more oestrogen, so we're attracted to men with stronger jaw lines, men with deeper voices, broader shoulders, etc. read about it - its interesting. so women would "mate" with those men, so that the "offspring"(our kids) have good features, so it means that the human race will not die out ....
(its turning into a biology class!)

to summarise - testosterone controls sex drive andis in both men and women, but in different amounts
female hormones affect the womans perception of sex
read about it, its interesting.

I agree, its a very interesting topic.

Actually I've studied this topic in depth and specialize in some aspects of it. Scientifically speaking, these views are very controversial and hardly established. For instance, people are always evolving and one pattern is never set. Also, in addition to biological influences, environmental and cultural influences always affect sexual preferences.

What I'm getting at iss that though men are a bit faster and more mobile in terms of sexual energy, the energy which you mention women have through perception, hormones, and which fluctuates, may be as strong or even stronger.

Its different, but this does not mean its weaker. Maybe men's drive is more continuous and prevalent, and women make this up through the strength and seriousness of their urge. At the end, we can't just assume that its harder for guys to control based on appearances, that's all.

[donsaeid]

vaghean? shayad "fargh" daran, vali control yeki bashe... man nemeedunam, hameenjuri meegam: az koja meeduni? dokhtari mage

bia behet neshon midam khodet tashkhis bede

hamoni ke maryam goft kare mano asontar kard afarin dokhtare gol

[zubin]

bia behet neshon midam khodet tashkhis bede

hamoni ke maryam goft kare mano asontar kard afarin dokhtare gol

are june khodet!!!