News About Marriage/Love & Sex

[siamak]

Woman handed Asbo for loud sex sessions after neighbours complained to police 25 time

A woman has been given an Asbo banning her from making too much noise when having sex with her husband.
Caroline Cartwright was found guilty of breaching a noise abatement notice served on her after 25 complaints to police.
The 47-year-old denied the latest five charges but was found guilty after Sunderland magistrates listened to recordings of her loud lovemaking with husband Steve.
Screams: Caroline Cartwright and husband Steve's loud, marathon sex sessions kept their partially deaf neighbour Margery Ball awake at night for two years


The couple’s partially deaf neighbour Margery Ball said she had not had a decent night’s sleep in two years because of the noise made by the couple.
As well as being given an Asbo, Mrs Cartwright was yesterday fined £200 with £300 costs.
She was taken to court after Environmental Health officers placed recording equipment in the flat next door to her house in Concord, Tyne and Wear.

Her neighbour, Rachel O’Connor, pressed a button on the machine every time she was disturbed by noise from next door.

She told the court: ‘I heard sounds of a sexual nature, they were really loud, and there was a lot of moaning and groaning and screaming as if in pain.

‘It wasn’t just the woman, it came from both parties.’

Miss O’Connor told the court that when she first moved into the flat, in November 2007, the noise started at midnight and lasted until 3am.

Now, she said, the noise started at about 6.30am and lasted until 9am.
Environmental Health officer Pamela Spark told the court she had listened to 23 recordings of the couple having sex.
She said: ‘There was an excessive screaming female voice on the recordings.’
Mrs Cartwright told the court that she was not ‘making the noise on purpose’.
She added: ‘I can’t understand why people ask me to be quiet. It’s normal to me.’
But chairman of the magistrates Alan Griffins said: ‘You were ordered to refrain from screaming and shouting at such levels when engaging in sexual activity with your husband.
‘You could have made efforts to minimise your vocalisation while having sex. You have not shown due respect for other human beings.’

[siamak]

Charla Muller was reading Galatians 5.22-23 in her Bible study group when she decided what she was going to get her husband, Brad, for his 40th birthday. Perhaps disappointingly for him, it wasn't an iTunes voucher. Instead, she was going to give him the gift of sex for 365 nights.

As you know, Galatians 5.22-23 reads: "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." What's that got to do with a scheduled sex marathon? "From that, I realised I needed to bring something to bear on our relationship to make it fruitful. We had been married for eight years and I wanted to reconnect with Brad, and give him a gift he would never forget."

Maybe, particularly in harsh economic times, modern couples who are enduring the dark night of the soul that is the long-term relationship should consider giving each other the same gift Charla gave Brad. Forget the downsides - the missed Everton-Man U penalty shoot-outs, the soreness, not to mention having to think of new ways to keep the bleeding thing interesting each and every night. Accentuate the positive. Think of the free nightly endorphin rushes. Not to mention how much you'll save by turning out the lights and giving up your subscription to Sky+. Think how close you'll be to your partner (even if, all things considered, you'd rather be playing online Scrabble, lying about your life on Twitter or taking your Second Life avatar to a roller disco).

What was Brad's reaction to this gift, I ask Muller. "He turned me down! He thought that scheduling time for intimacy would detract from its loveliness. He also wondered if he was up to it. He said, 'What would happen if I have a headache?'" So she drew up a list of ground rules, among which was that either party could decline on any occasion.

"Eventually he said, 'Let's give it a go.'" As Brad's birthday neared, though, the couple worried about logistics - how would they find the energy and free time (she works in marketing, he is a salesman), how would they ensure that the kids (aged seven and five) didn't intrude, and what if there was something really good on telly? "We agreed that TV couldn't trump intimacy, and that once we scheduled some saucy time, BlackBerrys and emails would be ignored." What about the kids? "They're old enough that we don't have to look out for them every five minutes, so we would often put them in front of a video. We were also much stricter with bedtimes than we had been before. We also weren't afraid to lock our bedroom door. Sometimes we had a great babysitter for our date nights."

What would have happened if Brad had offered the same gift for your birthday? Would you have said something along the lines of "Gee, Brad, hope you kept the receipt"? Muller giggles down the phone from Charlotte, North Carolina. "I'm not sure I would have accepted. In fact, when I turned 40, which was recently, Brad said: 'Well how about it?', meaning let's have sex for another 365 nights. But I didn't accept."

Wasn't Brad's initial reaction right - 365 days of scheduled sex is surely a turn off? What about spontaneity? "I felt the opposite. I felt the pressure came off. He no longer thought 'Tonight is a big deal, the only night we'll have sex this month is now, it's got to be really special.' And for me, before nightly sex, I used to guiltily wonder when I was going to have the time or desire. With sex every night it meant that I had to find the time, and that when it happened it was no longer necessarily a big deal." What about the desire? "The idea was that it would come." In fact, Muller writes in her book, 365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy, "Regular sex was allowing for feelings of health and wellness that sparked a desire to have more sex. Sex is a great stress-reliever too. A nice relaxing romp with Brad was a wonderful distraction from feeling like the world would crumble if I wasn't out there battling dragons 24/7. I could relax, feel those endorphins pinging around my body and forget about my bad day. And perhaps best of all, our intimate moments were making me feel younger."

It wasn't always that good. For instance, in her book Muller recalls the moment Brad said to his wife during what she calls, significantly, "the final stretch", "Could you stop grimacing? Could you at least pretend you're enjoying it?" And she replied, "How about you close your eyes?" He sighed (the brute!) and did just that.

But wasn't it an ordeal? "Let me tell you a story," says Muller. "One night we were at an Italian restaurant, feeling filled with wine, pasta and bread. A friend said to me, 'I really feel sorry for you - you've got to go home and have sex. I can go home and watch Saturday Night Live in bed.' I told her that we'd already had a quickie - we booked the babysitter an hour earlier. It really started the evening with a bang. So no, it wasn't an ordeal - at least, not most of the time." That said, Muller does write in her memoir: "Intimacy every day is trying. It requires stamina, patience, personal grooming and a work ethic I didn't know I possessed."

She concedes that before the birthday present, her and Brad's sex life had become pretty dreadful. "Brad was always wondering if he was going to have any sex this month, and I was guiltily wondering when I was going to have the time or the desire," she says. What about after his 40th? "He was newly energised. In the first month, when I asked him if he had any plans for the weekend, he listed all the things he would like to do, including taking me out for dinner. I was speechless. Before, he would have happily gone along with whatever I planned. Now he was looking at our diaries, initiating activities. It was as if we were dating again.

"The unintended beauty of my gift was its unconditionality. There was no need for Brad to wine and dine me at overpriced restaurants. Our house ran better because we were more agreeable, more helpful, more solicitous to each other, and our time together was truly about us, not the promise of special date-night sex."

This is hardly the first time that a woman (and it usually is a woman) has devised a project to revivify a long-term couple's sex life, and then written a book about it. The delightfully surnamed Esther Perel wrote a book called Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic; the less delightfully surnamed David Schnarch wrote Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships. In The Surrendered Wife, Laura Doyle argued that women should stop telling men what to do and how to do it. "When I surrendered control, something magical happened," wrote Doyle. "The union I had always dreamed of appeared. The man who had wooed me was back. The underlying principle is simple: the control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage to revitalise intimacy."

Muller seems to be the opposite of Doyle's surrendered wife: she was not surrendering, but taking the initiative by offering daily trysts. "It's very passive aggressive," says Rowan Pelling, former editor of the Erotic Review. "It's like, 'Here's a lovely gift, but you have to do this every night on the dot - otherwise what kind of man are you?' I hate everything about it."

"There's been a series of these kinds of books from the US," says sex educator Petra Boynton of University College London. "They are very prescriptive and they may well end up making people feel guilty and inadequate.

They tap into a favourite theme of the media which is that more sex is better sex and what you need to do is engineer the means to have more sex, which means improving technique and buying accessories." Is this a heterosexual thing? "There are gay versions of the same thing - books about how perfect sex techniques will make everything all right. It won't. It's great to give the perfect blow job, if that's what turns you on, but not if it's to stop your partner having an affair. There's not enough in these books about friendship or being nice to each other - which sounds corny, but long-term relationships are not all to do with what you do in the bedroom."

[siamak]

Was sex a chore for Charla and Brad? "I won't lie to you," Muller replies. "In the last months we were going through the motions, but there was still a value in it, I think. Even when they were quickies and it wasn't a blow-your-socks-off honeymoon experience, it was still a good way of connecting. It made me look him in the eyes and him look me in the eyes and connect physically and emotionally." Did every night involve penetrative sex? "That's what worked for us. I'm not saying this is an idea for everyone. I would never prescribe what we did for people in a difficult marriage. My husband wouldn't leave me because we didn't have sex, but for deeper reasons."

"I think it's rather sweet," says clinical psychologist Linda Blair. "We create time for TV and domestic work, so we should create time for sex just as she suggests. I get a lot of my clients to plan dates like that and the anticipation and the getting ready are parts of the pleasure. The idea that, in our modern lives, we're all too stressed to have regular sex is wrong - we just need to plan more. So I like what Charla Muller is saying - except that she didn't really follow through on the idea that she could decline sex if she didn't feel like it. "

Blair argues that regular planned sex and other kinds of intimacy may have spin-off benefits for the children. "When parents have children, often the woman effectively gets married to the children and that's not a good role model. If the parents look as though their relationship is all about self-sacrifice, why would the kids want to have children themselves? Growing up looks like no fun to them. So we have lots of kids who don't grow up."

Blair adds that the couples who stay together after the children leave are generally those who have good sex lives while the children are at home. But she has a caveat: "I'm not sure about sex every day - that would tire even the fittest person."

And so it proved for Charla and Brad. There were several occasions (Muller mentions two) when Brad was not up to their nightly tryst. On day 305, Charla came to bed as game as ever with teeth brushed, face freshly scrubbed and pulling her hair into a pony tail, only to find Brad behind a copy of Newsweek. "You know, sweetie," he said, "I think I am going to pass tonight if you don't mind. I'm tired, I have a big day tomorrow and we've been having a lot of sex lately." In her book, she writes: "As if I hadn't noticed. I would have 'passed' about 200 times by now if the offer had been the other way round." Did you feel rejected? "A little, but mostly relieved. I wanted to snuggle down and go to sleep. I also liked the fact that Brad was able to admit that he didn't need to go that night. It was like a bridge had been built."

Muller declines to discuss details of what went on in their bedroom during that year, which is a shame because I had a lot of questions about cystitis, lubricants and the size of their bed (which in one photograph looks a little small for what she calls, disarmingly, "saucy time"). Her memoir, 365 Nights, is hardly as racy as the title suggests. "Some people think I'm this crazy, tawdry woman, but they clearly haven't read the book. The book is about intimacy, about how to reconcile sex with one's faith, one's children, one's role as a wife and mother."

Pelling is sceptical: "It takes a lot more to make a relationship work and that requires sensitivity and creativity on both sides." What would Pelling recommend to make a long-term relationship flourish? "Holding hands and saying 'I love you' now and again is a good start. I don't think sex every night is a good idea. Frequency doesn't matter - making an effort to make your partner feel special does. Foreplay helps, as does lingerie." Why lingerie? "To show you're making an effort."

Boynton worries that such books as Muller's might be used, futilely, by people to stop their partners having affairs. "Offering a gift of sex like this is almost a recipe for resentment in a relationship. Charla Muller writes almost as though she's superwoman - she talks about doing four loads of washing before she takes the kids to the nursery! And then she's supposed to become this geisha woman servicing her husband.

"There's sometimes a sense, especially from religious groups, that it's your duty as a woman to provide sex, and that even if you don't feel like it, you should just do it anyway. That attitude encourages women to chastise themselves. That's no good for a relationship."

Boynton thinks readers of 365 Nights - particularly women - should be sceptical of Muller's birthday present : "This is one person's experience. There are no mandatory guides you have to follow to the letter," she says. "If it doesn't appeal to you, don't think you're abnormal. You may want to have sex 365 nights a year - but with your neighbour. That's OK. Your desires are important."

I put these remarks to Muller. "I don't disagree - all I would say is that this worked for us. It's different for every couple. My husband knew I loved him, but that wasn't enough. Everything got better because of what we did. And I don't think there is anything wrong with a wife trying to please her husband."

What happened when Brad turned 41? "I was giddy with the notion that I didn't have to have sex," Muller writes. "I was bursting with deep satisfaction that I had carried it through." That makes it sound like a task, I suggest. "It wasn't all task, believe me," says Muller. "Nowadays we're much more relaxed with each other and the house isn't full of unspoken tension. " If nightly sex had such great benefits on your relationship, why did you stop? "It was partly a challenge to see if we could do that every day for a year. And we proved we could. Now we're reaping the benefits. Before, sex was abysmal. Now I have discovered I do have time for quality sex on a regular basis, which wasn't what was happening before. So now intimacy - and that includes sex - is better than it's ever been."

Muller concludes with some advice for married couples: "However often you are doing it, double it. And six months from now, double it again. It's proof that you're here, alive and very together".

[Rasputin]

A Saanich, B.C., police officer who responded to a suspicious persons call probably wishes he hadn't after he stumbled upon two naked adults in a garbage dumpster.


The officer was called to a local parking lot early Friday morning, where he heard noises coming from the bin. He called out to the people inside but when no one responded, he approached the dumpster.


The 30-year-old woman and a 26-year-old man were oblivious to his presence.


The two adults were ordered to put their clothes on and get out of the dumpster.


The woman was told to go home, while the man was arrested on an unrelated matter.

[Rasputin]

Sleeping boyfriend's penis cut off

A woman has severed her boyfriend's penis with a kitchen knife after accusing him of raping her daughter.

Maria da Silva allegedly attacked 42-year-old Isaias Saturnino while he was sleeping at their home in north-eastern Brazil.

She then fled the scene and remains on the run, police said.

[Rasputin]

8-year-old Saudi girl divorces 50-year-old husband

An 8-year-old Saudi girl has divorced her middle-aged husband after her father forced her to marry him last year in exchange for about $13,000, her lawyer said Thursday.

Saudi Arabia has come under increasing criticism at home and abroad for permitting child marriages. The United States, a close ally of the conservative Muslim kingdom, has called child marriage a "clear and unacceptable" violation of human rights.

The girl was allowed to divorce the 50-year-old man who she married in August after an out-of-court settlement had been reached in the case, said her lawyer, Abdulla al-Jeteli. The exact date of the divorce was not immediately known.

A court in the central Oneiza region previously rejected a request by the girl's mother for a divorce and ruled that the girl would have to wait until she reached puberty to file a petition then.

There are no laws in Saudi Arabia defining the minimum age for marriage. Though a woman's consent is legally required, some marriage officials don't seek it.

But there has been a push by Saudi human rights groups to define the age of marriage and put an end to the phenomenon.

One Saudi human rights activist Sohaila Zain al-Abdeen was optimistic that the girl's divorce would help efforts to get a law passed enforcing a minimum marriage age of 18.

"Unfortunately, some fathers trade their daughters," she told The Associated Press. "They are weak people who are sometimes in need of money and forget their roles as parents."

It was not clear if the man received money for the divorce settlement. The man had given the girl's father 50,000 riyals, or about $13,350, as a marriage gift in return for his daughter, the lawyer said.

The 8-year-old girl's marriage was not the only one in the kingdom to receive attention in recent months. Saudi newspapers have highlighted several cases in which young girls were married off to much older men or young boys including a 15-year-old girl whose father, a death-row inmate, married her off to a cell mate.

Saudi Arabia's conservative Muslim clergy have opposed the drive to end child marriages. In January, the kingdom's most senior cleric said it was permissible for 10-year-old girls to marry and those who believe they are too young are doing the girls an injustice.

But some in the government appear to support the movement to set a minimum age for marriage. The kingdom's new justice minister was quoted in mid-April as saying the government was doing a study on underage marriage that would include regulations.

There are no statistics to show how many marriages involving children are performed in Saudi Arabia every year. Activists say the girls are given away in return for hefty marriage gifts or as a result of long-standing custom in which a father promises his infant daughters and sons to cousins out of a belief that marriage will protect them from illicit relationships.

[Rasputin]

http://www.weirdasianews.com/2008/08/07/man-almost-loses-penis-humping-steel-bench/

[Rasputin]

http://www.tehranlondon.com/article.php?id=37174

[Rasputin]

http://www.anorak.co.uk/strange-but-true/209379.html

[siamak]

TWO men and a woman employed by a Canadian mining company were jailed for 20 years each for forcing a 13-year-old girl to have sex with a dog.
Magistrate Gadiel Mariki passed sentence on the trio after finding them guilty of "forcing a girl to have sex with a dog" in the northern Tanzanian city of Mwanza in March 2008.

Job Mlama, 30, Anicet Edward, 30, and Shija Madata, 18, were employed by Canadian mining exploration company, Barrick Exploration Africa Limited (BEAL) at Mwanza, some 800km north of the capital Dar es Salaam.

They were sacked from their jobs shortly after the incident.

In his judgment, Mariki said the trio lured the schoolgirl into the BEAL workers' campsite, and convinced her to spend the night there before forcing her into bestiality.

The court ordered that the dog, owned by one of the expatriates at BEAL, be turned over to the police.

Human rights activists condemned the sentence as too lenient.

"These people deserved the death penalty or a life term. It is a horrible, despicable offence," said Ichikaeli Maro, the former head of a women's rights group.


"They deserved a punishment that should be a lesson to others with such a habit," said Rehema Kerefu, director of the Tanzania Women's Legal Aid Committee.

[siamak]

COPS are investigating a chimp after it tried to RAPE a female zoo keeper.
Terrified Valentina ***ilova had to fight off the sex-crazed primate when he grabbed her as she gave him a banana at Rostov Zoo in Russia.


Horrified

Valentina said of the attack: “I have spent a lot of time around the primates but I’d never imagined that a lonely chimpanzee could see me as a sex object.”

The lusty ape, called Otello, broke the horrified keeper’s wrist as he pulled her into his cage and began to attack her.

“When I tried to pass a banana to him, the chimpanzee grabbed my hand and pulled me into the cage and tried to rape me,” said Valentina.

She was only saved when her screams brought other keepers running, who pulled the furious chimp off her.

Doctors treated Valentina for shock.

Now police are to quiz zoo staff about how the attack happened.

One keeper said: “It’s a serious matter. If that had been a member of the public we would all be in court by now.”

[Rasputin]

Woman Dies After Using Jackhammer As Dildo

Sheriff’s investigators have closed the unsettling case of a 49-year-old female construction worker found dead in her driveway after a neighbor witnessed her using a high-powered jackhammer to pleasure herself.

After a two-day investigation in which officials initially suspected foul play–Shirley Dent’s death on May 1 has now been ruled an accident “after severe internal distress induced by the machine was discovered,” Det.-Sgt. Karl Sprout of the Alpara County Sheriff’s Office said yesterday.

On May 1, a neighbor witnessed a naked Ms. Dent in her driveway “struggling to direct a jackhammer toward her mid-section.” The alarmed neighbor notified police after hearing ear-splitting moans of distress that carried over the raucous jackhammer. Authorities arrived at the scene to an unresponsive Ms. Dent, who was then transported to West Grenier Hospital where she was pronounced dead shortly thereafter.

The recently divorced Ms. Dent had been questioned by authorities three times over the past month after neighbors complained of her running a prostiution ring from her home. Records also show that Ms. Dent supplanted her income as the sole proprietor of a sex toy distributor.

Ms. Dent’s alleged extracurricular activities appear to be unrelated to her death. A neighbor who declined to be identified said, “She was a horny lady, especially after her husband moved out. My family could hear moans coming from her place all the time.”

[Rasputin]

Masturbate-A-Thon 2009 Champion Masanobu Sato Speaks

Well, it's been a week since Masanobu Sato blew away his own masturbating world record at the 9th Annual Masturbate-a-thon, held by the Center for Sex & Culture last Saturday. This guy was a pro, bringing an arsenal of masturbating aids from the Japanese sex product company he works for.

Last year he set the record with 9 hours and 33 minutes, but this time he held on til 9 hours and 58 minutes. He's now back in Japan and exhausted, but was nice enough to answer some of our questions about his victory by e-mail. Behold the master.

The Snitch: What was the secret to you going for nearly 10 hours?

Sato: "My abundant imagination was a key to my triumph firstly. Secondly, I trained a lot in Japan from the time I won the 1st prize last year. I swam twice a week, and gained about 5 kgs in muscle.That helped me a lot, too in terms of stamina. Thirdly, the variety of sensations each TENGA gave me was ideal for long masturbation. Without those variety sensations, my dick would feel the same sensation for a long time, which would paralyze my dick in the end. I use as many as 10 different TENGAs so that my dick avoids being paralyzed."


Was there any point you felt you couldn't go on? How did you get through those moments?

"Yes. Twice I felt I couldn't go on. I took great advantage of Japanese pornos as I prepared. Also I imagined many supporters in Japan including my girlfriend, family, co-workers etc...that I can't let them down."

Were you exhausted afterward?

"Definitely. I was so exhausted that I couldn't get up on time next day when I was supposed to go to airport to go back to Japan. Luckily, I didn't miss the flight though."


Did you ever have an orgasm?
"Yes. I've come once in a halfway round. I continued masturbating without taking any rest or becoming flaccid then."

Could you have gone longer?

"This time, that was my limit actually. I hope I can go over 10 hours or longer next time I challenge."

You're now going to the world competition in Copenhagen? When is that?

"I thought I would go to Copenhagen, but now I'm not sure about it as it's a bit too much to do marathon twice a month. I think it's a good idea to compete with the champions of other countries, like Copenhagen, London, Portland at San Francisco."

What does your family think of this achievement? Are they aware you are the world masturbating champion?

"Of course they know about the fact. They feel proud of me since last year's my victory, I think. They were really glad and happy to hear when I reported them I could defend championship and what's more I could blow away my own world record by 25 minutes. I'm very happy that my family understands me well. Ordinary families in Japan don't do so. I wonder how US families are like...."

[siamak]

Malay man booked for using cucumbers, brinjals during sex with wife

A Malay man who has been using cucumbers and brinjals while having sex with his wife has been reported to the police for the indecent act.

As per Harian Metro, police sources have revealed the woman claims that the man has forced a cucumber or a brinjal into her private part at least seven times in the past six years ago.

The man, who is in his 40s, apparently had erectile problems after an accident, and began abusing his wife, presently in her 30s, with the vegetables after he got the idea from watching pornographic videos.

"The victim suffered physical and mental anguish because of that. She had pleaded with her husband to stop his improper act," the Star Online quoted a source as saying.

The source also added that the woman, who lives in Kajang, Kuala Lumpur, was concerned about her health, besides the discomfort and pain, and filed a report with the police on May 8.

[Dokhtar Bandari]

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
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Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
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It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
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Girlfriends are like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers are like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands are like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.

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Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
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Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
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Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

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If you are married please ignore this message,
for everyone else: Happy Independence Day