The Dilemma of “Virginity”
A woman's virginity has been and continues to be a dilemma for many cultures of the world. Today, however, we understand that the problems created around this issue are not about virginity per se , but rather more about power and control . Often times when an illness or a disease progresses, the symptom tends to become the focus of attention and what caused the illness in the first place is neglected or forgotten. This seems to be the case in most Iranian homes. That is, virginity in women is often the focus of attention rather than the issue of power and control.
Sexuality is an important aspect of human life and close examination will inevitably create a range of thoughts and feelings around it. This article is an attempt to break down existing psychological and emotional barriers while bringing greater awareness to the readers. It is my hope that someday we may come together to dialogue around such difficult topics in order to create healthier solutions for these current problems.
Sexuality to all cultures signifies something different but at the same time it has many similar connotations. In most cultures of the world sexuality is synonymous with power, control, individuality as well as creativity and passion. The Iranian culture has been traditionally and historically filled with wonderful and picturesque stories, poetry, mythology and epics of lovers and beloveds seeking one another throughout life times. Invariably, not only is our tradition filled with stories of Ethos (morality and ethics) but also of great stories of Eros (passion, seduction and enticement).
Then, if our rich culture entails of so many profound stories of the human and spiritual conditions, why is there such a vast difference between how we view our sexuality today as opposed to the way it is depicted in our traditional and cultural cosmology?
This is an important question to ask because its historic implications are very pertinent in understanding how we as a people operate today. It is understood that many centuries ago before people had placed any judgment or values upon sexuality, its act was carried out quite naturally and frequently. Of course, in those days contraceptives were not as easily understood and very soon people came to understand that sexual activities often lead to pregnancy. Also, infidelity ran rampant among both men and women. Thus, the people faced a common problem—How could the frequency of sexual encounters be reduced in order to prevent illegitimate pregnancies as well as infidelity?
Given that the Iranian culture is a patriarchal society, men have traditionally laid down the rules, norms and values. With this understanding, it only made sense then to only curb and control the sexual behavior of women. Because it is the woman who carries the offspring and therefore publicly shows the consequence of having engaged in sexual activity she became the target of control rather than the men.
One way to control the sexual behavior in women was to place judgments and values upon them if they engaged in any form of sexual activity outside the marriage. Slandering and even ostracizing them gradually became a strong measure in controlling their sexual behavior. While these measures were taken only with the women, the men were left as before to continue indulging in their sexual appetite. As time progressed and control over women became stronger, eventually the entire concept or idea of sexuality in women became a taboo.
The next question then is, if the women were being curbed or controlled into not having intercourse, who were the men having sex with? This particular problem led to subjugation or rendering of women to certain roles and classes within society. If a woman was single and was not a virgin or she was divorced from her husband or was unfaithful to him, she was immediately relegated to a lower class of women and was therefore shamed and looked down upon by others. Once these women lost their position in the strata of society, they became targets for sexual use and abuse.
Unfortunately, these damaging belief systems still prevail to this day. Even with the presence of contraceptives and all sorts of devices to control pregnancy, women who choose to be openly sexually active or are divorced are often labeled with negative and derogatory remarks. The fear of being slandered or even ostracized from the community is so strong within Iranian women that they often live with intense emotional and psychological pain. Worst yet, many of these women continue teaching these belief systems to their young daughters. As a result, generations of young girls are raised carrying much needless fear, guilt and shame around their own sexuality.
Because sexuality is a natural part of life, no matter how intensely we may want to inhibit it, it often comes out regardless. If this innate desire does not show itself with in the confines of sexuality, it will emerge somehow or somewhere in our lives. Unfortunately, when it is not given the proper avenue of expression it can and often does develop into neurotic or disorderly behaviors seen in other areas of life.
A common unhealthy behavior practiced among Iranian-American women is the tendency to be involved in sexual relations prior to marriage. On the prospect of marriage she pays a visit to the gynecologist and becomes a virgin again. Sadly, the psychological and emotional ramifications of this behavior have caused great pain to the women, their husbands and their families.
Sexuality is an important aspect of human life and close examination will inevitably create a range of thoughts and feelings around it. This article is an attempt to break down existing psychological and emotional barriers while bringing greater awareness to the readers. It is my hope that someday we may come together to dialogue around such difficult topics in order to create healthier solutions for these current problems.
Sexuality to all cultures signifies something different but at the same time it has many similar connotations. In most cultures of the world sexuality is synonymous with power, control, individuality as well as creativity and passion. The Iranian culture has been traditionally and historically filled with wonderful and picturesque stories, poetry, mythology and epics of lovers and beloveds seeking one another throughout life times. Invariably, not only is our tradition filled with stories of Ethos (morality and ethics) but also of great stories of Eros (passion, seduction and enticement).
Then, if our rich culture entails of so many profound stories of the human and spiritual conditions, why is there such a vast difference between how we view our sexuality today as opposed to the way it is depicted in our traditional and cultural cosmology?
This is an important question to ask because its historic implications are very pertinent in understanding how we as a people operate today. It is understood that many centuries ago before people had placed any judgment or values upon sexuality, its act was carried out quite naturally and frequently. Of course, in those days contraceptives were not as easily understood and very soon people came to understand that sexual activities often lead to pregnancy. Also, infidelity ran rampant among both men and women. Thus, the people faced a common problem—How could the frequency of sexual encounters be reduced in order to prevent illegitimate pregnancies as well as infidelity?
Given that the Iranian culture is a patriarchal society, men have traditionally laid down the rules, norms and values. With this understanding, it only made sense then to only curb and control the sexual behavior of women. Because it is the woman who carries the offspring and therefore publicly shows the consequence of having engaged in sexual activity she became the target of control rather than the men.
One way to control the sexual behavior in women was to place judgments and values upon them if they engaged in any form of sexual activity outside the marriage. Slandering and even ostracizing them gradually became a strong measure in controlling their sexual behavior. While these measures were taken only with the women, the men were left as before to continue indulging in their sexual appetite. As time progressed and control over women became stronger, eventually the entire concept or idea of sexuality in women became a taboo.
The next question then is, if the women were being curbed or controlled into not having intercourse, who were the men having sex with? This particular problem led to subjugation or rendering of women to certain roles and classes within society. If a woman was single and was not a virgin or she was divorced from her husband or was unfaithful to him, she was immediately relegated to a lower class of women and was therefore shamed and looked down upon by others. Once these women lost their position in the strata of society, they became targets for sexual use and abuse.
Unfortunately, these damaging belief systems still prevail to this day. Even with the presence of contraceptives and all sorts of devices to control pregnancy, women who choose to be openly sexually active or are divorced are often labeled with negative and derogatory remarks. The fear of being slandered or even ostracized from the community is so strong within Iranian women that they often live with intense emotional and psychological pain. Worst yet, many of these women continue teaching these belief systems to their young daughters. As a result, generations of young girls are raised carrying much needless fear, guilt and shame around their own sexuality.
Because sexuality is a natural part of life, no matter how intensely we may want to inhibit it, it often comes out regardless. If this innate desire does not show itself with in the confines of sexuality, it will emerge somehow or somewhere in our lives. Unfortunately, when it is not given the proper avenue of expression it can and often does develop into neurotic or disorderly behaviors seen in other areas of life.
A common unhealthy behavior practiced among Iranian-American women is the tendency to be involved in sexual relations prior to marriage. On the prospect of marriage she pays a visit to the gynecologist and becomes a virgin again. Sadly, the psychological and emotional ramifications of this behavior have caused great pain to the women, their husbands and their families.
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