The Dilemma of “Virginity”

[golgol85]

ahan.. khob are ghabul daram ke gf va bf ha bayad behtar hamdigaro beshnasan.. rast migi azizam... man fagaht fekr mikonam ke adam nabayad bekatere inke behtar bfesho beshnase sex dashte bashe.... be nazare man nazare to moghadase va man behesh ehteram mizaram... vali man nazaram chize digeyie!!! nemidunam chera... vali ehsas mikonam ke in kar eshtebahe.. va dalil ham daram albate.. be hamun dalil ke hameye adiyan goftan ke in kar ghabl az ezdevaj va nekah is a sin!!! a huge sin.. hala che mikhad christian bashe che muslim va ya yahudi va hata zartoshti!!! hame in karo eshtebah midunan... man ham migam... ghadimiha va khoda (albate agar ghabulesh dashte bashin) alaki eh chiziro nemigan va alaki eh chiziro harum nemidunan..... hatman tush hekmatiye.... va hamin ke khoda gofte harum ast baraye man kafiye ke azash duri konam ta ghabl az arusi....

alabte bazam in nazare mane... harki aghayede khodesho dare.....

badehsam baraye aghayun ke rahate ke.... ba harki ke ahle ketab nabashe.. (yani khodaro ghabul nadashte bashe ya hindu va ya bhudist o in chiza bashe) bedune sighe sex halal hast!!! vali baraye khanum ha hargez... call it sexist... but i believe in it... i truely do.....

I'm actually a little peeved with the idea that men can sleep around and its not considered a sin for them, but it becomes a sin if a woman sleeps with even one person. Age vase zan bade, vase mard ham bade va age khoobe ham vase zan khoobe va ham vase mard. tanha dalili ke marda mitoonan har ghalati mikhan bokonan bekhatere ine keh hamele nemishan, vagarna zanha ham mitoonestan kheili rahat ba har ki mikhan rabete dashteh bashan.

har kas khodesh bayad tasmim begire vase chi mikhad ya nemikhad rabete dashte bashe va virgin bemoone. ba inke ghabool daram din dalile mohemiye, vali vaseye man din dalile asliye man nist vaseye virgin moondan. sex is an intimate relationship between two ppl, the closest two ppl can be (physically and emotionally). personally i dont want to be sharing that kind of special feeling with every bozo on the street because then its not special anymore. Just my take on things.

[jjbb]

vaghean ke golgol rast migeh.
faghat hameleh shodane ke masale virginity ro be mian miyareh.
ma hargez rajebe virginity pesarha sohbat nemikonim.

az lahaze din ham faght masale hameleh shodan va bache hast ke rabeteh dashtan khanomharo haram midoneh.
akheh bache bayad bedoneh ke pedaresh keiye.

vaghti ke khanomha dar ye zaman ba chand nafar hastan va hamel mishan vaghean nemidonan ke az ki hameleh shodan. bad to amrica ye show dorost kardan ke in khanom ha tamame in pesar haei ro ke bahashon dar ye zaman rabeteh dashtan miyaran va testeshon mikonan ke pedare in bache peyda besheh.

[Sepideh_UK]

vaghean ke golgol rast migeh.
faghat hameleh shodane ke masale virginity ro be mian miyareh.
ma hargez rajebe virginity pesarha sohbat nemikonim.

az lahaze din ham faght masale hameleh shodan va bache hast ke rabeteh dashtan khanomharo haram midoneh.
akheh bache bayad bedoneh ke pedaresh keiye.

vaghti ke khanomha dar ye zaman ba chand nafar hastan va hamel mishan vaghean nemidonan ke az ki hameleh shodan. bad to amrica ye show dorost kardan ke in khanom ha tamame in pesar haei ro ke bahashon dar ye zaman rabeteh dashtan miyaran va testeshon mikonan ke pedare in bache peyda besheh.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Che maskhare!! Albate nemidounam chi begam rastesho bekhai!!
Vali be nazare man har ki yee aaghidei dare va hich koodoum az shomaha nemitunin nazare baaghiaro avaz konin ( hatta age hadafetun un nabashe!!)
Be nazare man har ki midune o khodesho o khodaye khodesh, aage vojdanesh beehesh ejaze dad ke in karo bokone ke be rahaty mikone in karo age ham ke na ke nemikone!!
Va maa nemitunim begim having a sex ghablaz ezdevaj doros hast ya na!! Chonke it's entirely up to that person, its their life, their body, let them do wateva!!

[jjbb]

sepideh joon dar inja faghat yeki az dalayeli ke virginity kheili mohemeh eshareh shod .
hadaf in nist ke nazare kasi ro avaz kard. Ba emkanati ke hala bara jologiri az hameleh shodan ast, in masale fargh mikoneh va in dige bastegi dareh be khode va vojdaneh shakhs ham tori ke gofti.

[Sepideh_UK]

sepideh joon man ba to ham aghideh hastam ke be nazare shakhsi va vojdaniye ye nafar dareh ke to zendegish chi kar mikhad bekoneh.

Daghighan!!

[golgol85]

vaghean ke golgol rast migeh.
faghat hameleh shodane ke masale virginity ro be mian miyareh.
ma hargez rajebe virginity pesarha sohbat nemikonim.

az lahaze din ham faght masale hameleh shodan va bache hast ke rabeteh dashtan khanomharo haram midoneh.
akheh bache bayad bedoneh ke pedaresh keiye.

vaghti ke khanomha dar ye zaman ba chand nafar hastan va hamel mishan vaghean nemidonan ke az ki hameleh shodan. bad to amrica ye show dorost kardan ke in khanom ha tamame in pesar haei ro ke bahashon dar ye zaman rabeteh dashtan miyaran va testeshon mikonan ke pedare in bache peyda besheh.

mozooye jalebi ro pish oovordi, on ham ine ke bache bayad bedoone pedaresh kiye. vali omadim on kasi ke bayad haghe pedari ro be gardan begire nagereft, yani aslan nemikhast pedar beshe, hala ham mige be dokhtare har kari mikhai bokon, age mikhai bache ro negah dar age na ham meyle khodete. jaleb injast ke bishtare vaghta pesare be dokhtare tohmate ino ke ba pesaraye dige boodeh mizane, ba inke dokhtare momkene virgin boode ta ghabl az boodane ba in pesare. vaghean baese taasofe ke ye mardi natone responsibilityeh kari ke kardaro begire, chon oon bache che gonahi karde, bichare dokhtare ham ke ham virginity sho az dast dade, ham bachedar shode. rastesh nemidoonam kodoom kar doroste, ke adam vayse ta ezdevaj ya inke age vaghean be kasi alaghe dare va be oon pesar etemad mikone, virginitiy sho az dast bede. har tasmimi ke har dokhtar khanoomi migire be nazare man ghabele ehterame, chon javab ya tasmimeh dorosti vojood nadare.

[jjbb]

mozooye jalebi ro pish oovordi, on ham ine ke bache bayad bedoone pedaresh kiye.

tamame bache hai ke masalan pedar ya modareshon ro nadidan mesle bachehaye adapted hamishe deleshon mikhad ke pedar ya madareshon ro beshnasan hala mohem nist ke on shakhs bache haro ghabol koneh ya na.
pedar man ye bache ghabol kard ke ta zamani ke man yadam miyad hamash dobal in bood ke az koja omadeh. bad az tahghight ziyad belakhareh madaresho peyda kard vali pedaresh fot kardeh bod. bad az ashnaei madaresh dige delesh nakhast bahash kari dashteh bash. va belakhareh moshgele ravanish ham hal shod. hala be khobi zendegi mikoneh.
baghiye masale az dast dadane virginity, hameleh va bache dar shodan masoliathaei dareh ke khode shakhs bayad mogheiyateshro besanjeh.

[jjbb]

dar inja rajebe virginity sohbat shod. hadaf in nist ke kasi ro nasiyat kard. in maghaleh az nazare inke be rabeteh jensi rabt peyda mikard faghat bara etelahat jaleb bood.

اگر شما به يك رابطه جدي و بلند مدت (ازدواج) مي انديشيد بهتر است رابطه جنسي را به پس از ازدواج موكول كنيد. به دلايل زير:

1- افراد مختلف نسبت به رابطه جنسي ديد متفاوتي دارند: رابطه جنسي براي آنان ميتواند به مفهوم تعهد، سرگرمي، لذت صرف، صميميت و يا هيچ چيز باشد. بهتر آنست كه شما تا زماني كه شناخت كافي نسبت به فرد و نحوه نگرش وي به سكس پيدا نكرده ايد اقدام به برقراري رابطه جنسي نكنيد. زيرا براي مثال اگر شما به سكس به ديد تعهد و صميميت بنگريد و به اميد آنكه با برقراري رابطه جنسي محبوب خود را از دست نخواهيد داد و به عكس از نظر فرد محبوب شما سكس يك لذتجويي صرف باشد آنوقت اندوه بزرگ و سرنوشت غم انگيزي را براي خود رقم زده ايد.

2- صرفنظر از آنكه شما چگونه مي انديشيد، رابطه جنسي پيامدها و تاثيرات شگرف و مهمي را در بر خواهد داشت.

3- رابطه جنسي احساسات شما را تحت الشعاع قرار داده و آنها را تشديد، لجام گسيخته و يا منحرف ميسازد: مغز انسان در سير تكاملي خود به گونه اي طراحي گرديده است كه هنگام مواجهه با موقعيتهاي امكان برقراري رابطه جنسي همچون شرايط تهديد آميز مواد شيميايي خاصي را آزاد ميسازد كه روند انديشيدن را متوقف ميسازند. در واقع شما را ناخودآگاه به برقراري رابطه جنسي هدايت ميكند تا شما قادر باشيد با توليد مثل به بقاء خود ادامه دهيد. اما آيا اين موقعيتها همان جايي ست كه شما ميخواهيد با يك فردي كه شناخت چنداني از وي نداريد باشيد؟ بنابراين در مرحله تعيين كننده شناخت فرد شما از هوشياري كافي براي اتخاذ تصميمات منطقي برخوردار نخواهيد بود.

4- رابطه جنسي مواد شيميايي ''پيوند دهنده'' و ''دلبسته كننده'' آزاد ميسازد: برقراري رابطه جنسي در دو جنس موجب آزاد سازي مواد شيمايي ميگردد كه احساس دلبستگي را در آنها پديد مي آورد. آيا شما ميخواهيد اجازه دهيد تا مواد شيميايي مغز شما براي شما تصميم گيري كنند كه به چه كسي دلبستگي پيدا كنيد؟ دست نگه داريد شما با اين كار رنج بزرگي را به جان خواهيد خريد زماني كه بايد از شريك خود جدا گرديد اما به سبب برقراري رابطه جنسي به وي دلبسته شده ايد.

5- رابطه جنسي دامنه انتخاب شما را محدود ميسازد: رابطه جنسي شما را ملزم ميسازد تا شتابزده و خيلي زود هنگام در مورد رابطه تان تصميم بگيريد و سناريوي دهشتناك تر آنكه باردار بودن، شما را در امر تصميم گيري و انتخاب در تنگنا قرار دهد. هنگامي كه با شريك خود رابطه جنسي برقرار نكرده باشيد آسانتر ميتوانيد خود را از يك رابطه ناسالم بيرون بكشيد.

6- انتظار و پيش بيني استرس زاست، اما شيرين و مهيج: يكديگر را از آن محروم نسازيد. اين در سرشت انسان است كه چيزي را كه با تلاش و انتظار بيشتر بدست مي آورد، بيشتر هم قدرش را مي داند. همچنين رابطه جنسي زود هنگام مرحله خيالپردازيها و روياهاي ما نسبت به محبوبمان را عملا حذف ميكند و شور و هيجان عاشقي را كمرنگ و كسالت بار ميسازد.

7- برقراري رابطه جنسي زود هنگام و شتابزده بر عدم خويشتنداري و فقدان احترام دلالت دارد: زماني كه شريك شما اين فرصت را به شما نميدهد تا پس از شناخت كافي و مبتني بر عقل و رضايت كامل شما رابطه جنسي آغاز گردد و يا به شما تنها به يك ابزار جنسي مينگرد در واقع احترامي براي شما قائل نيست. همچنين عدم توانايي در كنترل غرايز در فرد ميتواند گواهي بر بي ارادگي و خيانت كار بودن وي نيز باشد. اينگونه نتيجه گيري ها ممكن است كاملا غلط و نادرست باشد اما چرا بايد يك موضوع پيچيده را بغرنج تر كرد؟

8- پيشگيري از بيماريهاي مقاربتي: شما هنگامي كه نسبت به طرف مقابل خود شناخت كافي نداريد هرگز نبايد ريسك كنيد و خود را در معرض انواع بيماريهاي آميزشي قرار دهيد.

9- مردان بي انگيزه: يكي از مهمترين انگيزه هاي مردان از برقراري رابطه با جنس مخالف خود اميد به برقراري رابطه جنسي با وي است. بنابراين دختران نبايد زود هنگام و شتابزده اقدام به برقراري رابطه جنسي كنند زيرا با اين كار ممكن است شانس خود را براي ازدواج با فرد به ميزان زيادي از دست بدهند. همچنين دختراني كه خيلي زود به رابطه جنسي تن ميدهند نزد مردان ارج و قربي نخواهند داشت.

[Rasputin]

no more opinions about “Virginity” ?

[jjbb]

a hame chi yadgereftim

[Rasputin]

I think we can all agree that experience looks good on men. Like aged wine, men are matured into their most valuable state, and unless they reside in Los Angeles, they don't obsess over their physical imperfections. We accept the byproducts of their experiences, as we laugh along at dinner parties when they share with us the embarrassing stories of their ex, that time they almost got expelled for cheating in college, or when they were this close to killing their younger sister by accident. We laugh and feel relieved that they have made it alive, and learned their lesson. But what about WOMEN?

If I were to ask a Persian man to paint me a picture of their ideal girl, I have a feeling it would be something like this: Young, good looking, hard working, smart, and inexperienced. If it seems like I'm drawing stereotypes at this point, you're probably right, I am. But after being the subject of interest of a number of Persian men looking to train me into their running mate in the race that is marriage, it's hard to rule out the repeating pattern of educated and accomplished Iranian men looking for a wife 10 years younger than them. The burning question remains, what has led to this hypocrisy?

Other than the fact that most of us are gifted with the vestigial biases of our parents' generation, I would like to point out a particular social phenomenon that has led to the mass development of the stereotypical Persian man.

To illustrate my case, I would like to call 'the renewed virgin' to the stand.

This man was once known as the life of the party, never turned down a drink, an invitation to smoke a bowl, crash a social or **** a friend. He was headed to nowhere fast but miraculously survived his plunge to rock bottom, got his act together and redeemed himself. Since he spent half his youth hanging out in all the wrong circles and the other half, playing catch up; he has turned out a little more cautious, a little less trusting, and a lot more controlling than a typical man. Now perfectly presentable, polished and financially secure, our young man is looking to start a family. Problem is, his social circles were always united together by the common denominator of lack of focus and laziness; he has never crossed paths with anyone through his fields of interest.

So here comes a picture of the aunt's friend's daughter... 19, slim, long hair, she's an artist too, a great family, oh and pre-med! Having found no one else to fit into his life, the typical Persian man makes the emotional and monetary investment hoping it will yield a profit of a costume designed soul mate.

And to be honest, I'm not sure if I want to see them succeed or fail.

By Rana Rabeei

[Rasputin]

An urfi marriage is one lacking an official contract or social knowledge wherein couples repeat the words, “We are married,” and pledge a commitment before God. While the concept of urfi marriages appears to be similar to other marriage forms in many Islamic countries, they aren’t recognized.

In Islam, marriage must be announced with the couple’s families and within their society, an important condition validating the marriage. In recent years, some – mostly students – have set their own conditions for marriage, fashioning the idea of consensual but unofficial or urfi marriages, which are done secretly without the couple’s family or society’s knowledge. Although rarely exercised in Arab countries, some have begun recognizing them.

Though unusual, urfi marriages do exist, particularly among high school and university students who say they love each other but don’t resort to traditional marriage due to expensive dowries. Among those more inclined to this type of unconventional marriage are tourists from neighboring countries who exploit the poor economic conditions of young Yemeni girls. These tourists secretly marry for a short time and then leave the brides without notice.

There are different types of urfi marriage, such as temporary marriage, the so-called marriage of sacrifice and marriage for money’s sake. Unfortunately, in all of these cases, the girl suffers the consequences, since Yemeni society by default blames her even if the man was in the wrong. Yemeni community strongly believes that, “A man is a man and he can do whatever he wants because mistakes won’t affect his manhood.”

“Consensual marriages are recognized worldwide; however, Yemen and some Arab countries don’t recognize such marriages because we’re backward and blind to the world’s development and its liberties,” said an 18-year-old girl, who entered into such a marriage, “I married a boy who used to park his car in front of our school. We started to build a relationship and later married.

“A year and half has elapsed since our marriage. I’m happy because I married him and didn’t follow the wrong path like some girls do,” she noted.

Regarding how the marriage took place, she says, “When we agreed to marry, my husband brought four friends to witness it. He gave me some gifts and a small amount of money.

“My family and my friends know nothing about the marriage. I’m cautious in keeping the matter secret. I told one of my classmates about the marriage and she constantly was afraid until I convinced her to marry my husband’s friend, so she did,” she explained.

As for the motive, she declares, “I loved him. The one who loves should make sacrifices for the sake of his lover.”

When asked what she’ll do if a legal husband comes asking for her hand, she comments, “In this age, there are many solutions. I’ve saved a small amount of money to have a virginity-restoring operation when marriage nears.” The operation will reconstruct her hymen to give the appearance of virginity.

Tourist marriage is another nontraditional form wherein visitors from neighboring countries exploit Yemen’s poor economic situation by tempting poor families with money in exchange for marrying their young girls. These marriages last as long as the tourist is in town, leaving catastrophe in their wake.

One 19-year-old recounted her tale, saying, “I used to see a young man with a luxurious car at the entrance to our zone. One day, he gave me a sack full of gifts and drinks.

“A few days later, he asked me to introduce him to my family, telling me he loved me from the first moment he laid eyes on me. He said he wanted to marry me and I approved. He asked my father for my hand, but my father rejected him because he didn’t know the man,” the girl added.

“He later asked me to marry him in an urfi marriage to force the issue upon my family. I rejected the whole idea at first, but he was giving me presents I hadn’t dreamt of, promising to give my father a huge amount of money if we married.

“We married in secret and, over the next two months, I skipped school to go with him to the hotel where he lived because that was the only way we could meet. He later asked me to tell my father about our marriage, promising to come the next day to announce our marriage and give my father money,” she continued.

She told her family, who unexpectedly surrendered to the reality. Thinking a happy end would come, her father became angry when the husband didn’t come as promised.

“We went to the hotel to ask about him and they told us he had returned to his country. We tried to contact him; however, all of the contacts and addresses were false,” she recounted, “I was subject to beatings and insults from all of my family members. In vain, I tried to commit suicide many times but they would rush me to the hospital each time I made an attempt.

“I’m alienated from my family, my neighbors and my classmates. I live in great depression wishing he’d come back to correct his mistakes,” she concluded.

In an attempt to learn the role school plays in this respect, the headmistress of Omar bin Abdulaziz School comments, “urfi marriage is a dangerous phenomenon that’s increasing in Yemen. What’s more dangerous is its spread among female students. We’ve heard of such cases, but we don’t have any evidence.

“There may be girls who are married consensually and this is a personal affair. Our responsibility lies within the school, but outside, the responsibility falls upon the family. They must know where their daughter goes and with whom. They must keep in contact with school administration to know everything about their daughters,” she noted.

“Some families don’t know anything about their children and they don’t watch them. Thus, a female student can seize upon such leniency. It’s impossible for us to follow students outside of school. However, when we detect cases of urfi marriage, we contact the girl’s family. We used to report small incidents to students’ parents, particularly those whose conduct was inappropriate,” she adds.

Lack of religious awareness and absence of parental care are among the most prevalent causes of urfi marriage.

Teacher Abdulhabeeb says, “Lack of parental direction and absence of religious edification will make some students tend toward urfi marriages. We hadn’t heard about such a phenomenon before. It came to us via degenerate television serials and movies. Parents should direct their sons to watch those channels that serve religion and morals, asking them to remain aloof from bad friends.”

He adds, “If such a case happened with my children, it would be a catastrophe.”

Influential bad friends are another reason for this increasing phenomenon. Social specialist Thiya Fatal notices that some poor girls are influenced by bad friends who try to attract their attention to the gifts their boyfriends give them. They convince the girls that it’s ok to have a boyfriend and that he’ll give gifts or whatever they want if they marry him secretly, to which many girls will agree.

Engineer Mohammed Al-Janad believes the spread of urfi marriages affects national morality and harms Islamic society. Additionally, they violate sharia law, as well being deceitful to fathers and daughters. He further declares that economic situations, increasing dowries and upward rates of poverty are among the many reasons leading to this phenomenon.

When asking religious scholars about the attitude of sharia law regarding these marriages, most avoid issuing a fatwa, saying the matter remains in sharia’s womb.

For his part, scholar Salim Al-Shatri declares that any marriage without a marriage contract, two witnesses and the consent of the girl’s parents is considered adultery. In an ‘urifi marriage, a woman can’t get a legal divorce because the government doesn’t recognize the legality of such marriage in the first place.

urfi marriages are conducted by a Muslim cleric in the presence of two witnesses; however, they aren’t officially registered nor are they financially binding upon the man. Couples married in this way often meet in secret and avoid the expense of renting an apartment.

urfi marriage can be disastrous for the wife. If the husband leaves her without granting her a divorce, she has no legal right to seek a divorce because urfi marriages are considered illegal. Urfi marriages in which a couple signs documents declaring themselves married are invalid. The couple must inform their families of the marriage.” Al-Shatri added.