RedWine jokes (18+)

[Rasputin]

Check your Dirty IQ!
Questions:

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?

Answers:

1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4.chewing gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. a newspaper boy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10. a toothbrush, of course!

Now Really! Just what were you thinking?

[Nazanin]

looooooooooooooooooooooool Red! Omg!

[Rasputin]

LoL

[Rasputin]

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. As the bartender pours the drink, he remarks, "That's quite a heavy drink. What's the problem?"
After quickly downing his drink, the man replies, "I found my wife in bed with my best friend."

'Wow," says the barkeep. "What did you do about it?"

"I walked over to my wife, looked her in the eye, told her to pack her stuff, and get the hell out."

"That makes sense," remarks the barkeep. "And, what about your best friend?"

"I looked him right in the eye and yelled, "Bad dog!!!!"

[Nazanin]

loooooooooooooooool Red

[Riaz]

[IQ]

RIAZ MAGE NAKHOONDI JOKE HAA 18+ HASTAN.

[Nazanin]

RIAZ MAGE NAKHOONDI JOKE HAA 18+ HASTAN.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Riaz, IQ rast mige, ki be to goft biyai inja

[Riaz]

khodet gofti nazanin. yadet miad too general forum yek joke gozashtam badesh toh gofti "looooool riaz jan bizamat ino copy/paste beh forume persian jokes barayeh bozorgaa"
ghabl az oon ke inja nayoomadam!

khejalat bekesh Nazanin mano corrupt kardi.

[Nazanin]

bet goftam oun joke ro copy/paste koni too joke bara bozorga chon 1- tooye GENERAL section zade boodish, & 2- chon ye kami sen bala bood. Dige nagpftam inja moondegaar sho

[Rasputin]

101 Things Not To Say During Sex
1. But everybody looks funny naked!

2. You woke me up for that?

3. Did I mention the video camera?

4. Do you smell something burning?

5. (In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...

6. Try breathing through your nose.

7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone!

8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?

9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

10. But whipped cream makes me break out.

11. Person 1: This is your first time... right? Person 2: Yeah... today.

12. Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!

13. Can you please pass me the remote control?

14. Do you accept Visa?

15. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.

17. And to think -- I was really trying to pick up your friend!

18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.

19. (Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?

20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...

21. (Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!

22. Do you get any premium movie channels?

23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!

24. (Preparing to incorporate peanut butter) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!

25. Got any penicillin?

26. But I just brushed my teeth...

27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!

28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!

29. I want a baby!

30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!

31. (In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?

32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...

33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?

34. I think you have it on backwards.

35. When is this supposed to feel good?

36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!

37. You're good enough to do this for a living!

38. Is that blood on the headboard?

39. Did I remember to take my pill?

40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

41. I wish we got the Playboy channel..

42. That leak better be from the waterbed!

43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!

44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..

45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?

46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.

47. No, really.. I do this part better myself!

48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!

49. This would be more fun with a few more people.

50. You're almost as good as my ex!

51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?

52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?

53. You look younger than you feel.

54. Perhaps you're just out of practice.

55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!

56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.

57. Now I know why he/she dumped you..

58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?

59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.

60. What tampon?

61. Have you ever considered liposuction?

62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!

63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?

64. I have a confession..

65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!

66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?

67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?

68. Is that a hanging sculpture?

69. You'll still vote for me, won't you?

70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?

71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!

72. Did you come yet, dear?

73. I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about..

74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!

75. Does this count as a date?

76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!

77. Hic! I need another beer for this please.

78. I think biting is romantic -- don't you?

79. You can cook, too right?

80. When would you like to meet my parents?

81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like.. Woman: Yourself?

82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?

83. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.

84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.

85. (In a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?

86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?

87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.

88. Sorry but I don't do toes!

89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!

90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!

91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper..

92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer".

93. So that's why they call you Mr. Flash!

94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!

95. Is this a sin too?

96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!

97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?

98. Long kisses clog my sinuses..

99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise..

100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?

101.You mean you're NOT my blind date?

[Rasputin]

يه روز يه لره يه دختر خوشگل رو تو خيابون ميبينه ميره بهش ميگه خانم ميشه يه ماچت(بوس) بكنم
خانمه با تعجب ميگه وا.... اين چه حرفيه
لره ميگه ديونه من برا خودت ميگم وگر نه من كه زن دارم
---
تركه تو گرمايه تابستون يه پتويه كلفت دورش پيچيده بودو تو پارك دراز كشيده بود
يكي رد شدو بهش گفت :اقا شما تركين
تركه با تعجب ميگه: واه مگه از زيره پتوهم ملوم ميشه
---
تركه ميره خواستگاري بعد از چند دقيقه پدر عروس ميگه
دختره من هنوز در حال خوندن درسه
تركه ميگه اشكال نداره مي شينيم تا درسش تموم بشه
---
ميخواستند نوشابه كوكالا تبليغ كنند دنبال تبليغ چي ميگشتند كه تركي مياد ميگه من حاضرم كه تبليغ ميكنه
كه فانتامينوشيد... گوه ميخوريد كوكاكولا بنوشيد
---

[Cop]

lool merci RW

[Rasputin]

De Nada Cop-e Aziz .

[Rasputin]

HARD-DISK Woman
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman
Everyone knows she can't do one thing right, but no one can live without her.

EXCEL Woman
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.

SCREENSAVER Woman
She's good for nothing but at least she's fun!

INTERNET Woman
Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Woman
She's always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Woman
Also known as wife; when you're not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.