RedWine jokes (18+)

[gg666]

man khejalat bekesham..siamak hamaro avazi javab dade

gg ajab javabi, khejalat bekesh bacheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[gg666]

vay in anzwering machine cheghadr khandedar bood..thnx

[arash_madboy]

ei val..akhare joke boooooooooood..........hahahahahaha.......
bazam benevis!!!!!!!!

[soccerboy_mahdi]

vay che ghadr khandidaaam ,, eyval RW ,, keep it up maan

[Rasputin]

به تركه ميگن 12 فروردين چه روزيه؟
ميگه روزيه كه مردم ميرن به دشت و صحرا جا ميگيرن براي فرداش
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تركه از خواب مي پره پاش ميشكنه
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يه تركه كلي درس ميخونه قاضي ميشه يه پرونده ميزارن جلوش ميگن حكم چيه ميگه خشت
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يه تركه به مامانش ميگه اگه توبه دنيا نيومده بودي من بي مادر بودم
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تركي خرش را گم ميكند و خدا را شكر مي كند از او مي پرسند چرا خدا را شكر مي كني ميگويدچون اگرمن هم سوار بودم گم مي شدم
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نفر درو پنچره سازي براش مي رند خواستگاري بعد مادروپدر عرس ميپرسند داماد چه كارست خانواده داماد بخاطراين كه كلاس بزارند ميگ ويندوزنصب ميكنم
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تركه عينك آفتابي مي زنه مي ره دريا مي گه واي چقدر نوشابه
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يه روز بچه يك كانگرو گم ميشه ميره سر كوچه داد ميزنه جيبمو زدن
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يه رشتي كاميون ميخره پشتش مينويسه رسواي عالم مادر
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به تركه ميگن چراجورابات يكيش قرمزه يكيش آبي؟ميگه نميدونم يك جفت ديگه هم تو خونه دارم همينجوريه
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از تركه مي پرسن دانشگاه نميري؟ ميگه اگه مسافر بخوره چرا كه نريم
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[mahsaak]

يه روز يه مرغ به مرغه ديگه ميگه : خاک توسرت من تخم هايی ميزارم که مردم به خاطر اون ۷۰ تومن پول ميدن ولی تو چی تخم هات اينقدر کوچيکه که مردم به خاطر اون ۵۰ تومن پول ميدن .
مرغه دومی ميگه خاک توسر خودت چون من نميام به خاطر ۲۰ تومن اضافی کون خودم رو پاره کنم .
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يه روز يه مرغ و خروس داشتند تو خيابون قدم ميزدن وقتی رسيدن به يه مرغ فروشی و مرغ ها رو پشت ويترين ديدند خروسه رو به مرغه ميکنه ميگه ببين زن من دوست دارم تو خونه اينطوری بگردی .
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یه روز یه جائی دعوا میشه عربه میرسه سر دعوا از یکی میپرسه : چه خبره ؟ یارو که تهرونی بود میگه یکی گنده گوزی کرده بود گوز پیچش کردن . عربه متوجه نمیشه و زمانی که یکی دیگه ازش سئوال میکنه اینجا چی شده ؟ میگه : والا نمیدونم یا پیچه گوزیده یا گوزه پیچیده یا یکی سرپیچ گوزیده ..........
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یه روز یه نخود و یه کشمش با هم صحبت میکردند . کشمش از نخود میپرسه تو جرا همیشه فرق وسط باز میکنی ؟ نخود میگه : همین فضولی ها رو کردی که چوب تو .... کردند.
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به ترکه میگن با جیش جمله بساز میگه : دیشب علی با آبجیش رفتن سینما . بابا منظورمون شاش بود . میگه : خوب داداشاشم برد.
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به تهرانی میگن چرا در اسم سایت بجای یک w سه تا www می نویسند؟؟؟؟ میگه کار از محکم کاری عیبی نداره!!!!!!!
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تركه تو كليسا نشسته بوده، يهو میبينه يه دختر خيلی ميزون مياد تو. ميدوه ميره پشتِ يه مجسمه قايم ميشه. دختره مياد ميشينه جلوی محراب و ميگه: ای خدا! تو به من همه چی دادی، پول دادی، قيافه دادی، خانواده خوب دادی...فقط ازت يه چيز ديگه ميخوام..اونم يه شوهر خوبه ...يا حضرت مسيح! خودت كمكم كن! تركه از پشت مجسمه مياد بيرون ميگه: عيسی هل نده! خودم ميرم!
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يه جايی جشن بوده، تركه همينجوری ميره تو و شروع ميكنه به رقصيدن و بخور بخور. يكی ازش ميپرسه: ببخشيد! شما رو كی دعوت كرده؟ تركه ميگه: من از خونواده عروسم. يارو ميگه: ببخشيد، ولی اينجا جشن تولده!
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دو تا تركه دو تا گاو ميخرن، اولی به دومی ميگه: حالا چی كار كنيم كه گاوامون با هم اشتباه نشن؟ دومی ميگه: تو دست به گاوت نزن، من يه گوش گاومو ميكنم. بعد از چند وقت، گاو اولی هم گوشش گير ميكنه به يه جايی كنده ميشه. ايندفعه دومی ميگه: تو دست به گاوت نزن من دم گاومو ميكنم. از قضا بعد از چند وقت دم اون يكی گاوه هم كنده ميشه. خلاصه هی اولی ميزنه يه جای گاوشو ناقص ميكنه، اون يكی گاوه هم همون بلا سرش مياد. آخر سر اولی شاكی ميشه به دومی ميگه: اصلاً سفيده مال من سياهه مال تو!!!
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تركه سر مرز يه عراقيه رو اسير ميگيره. همينجور كه داشته ميبردتش، يه دفعه يه خمپاره ميخوره بغلشون دست عراقيه كنده ميشه. عراقيه ميگه: بگذار من اين دستمو بندازم تو كشور خودم. تركه دلش میسوزه، ميگه باشه. يكم ديگه ميرن، دوباره يه خمپاره ميخوره اون يكی دست عراقيه هم كنده ميشه. باز عراقيه ميگه بگذار من اين دستم رو هم بندازم تو وطن خودم، تركه هم ميگه باشه. بعد يه تركش ديگه ميخوره پای عراقيه هم كنده ميشه، ورش ميداره ميندازه اونور مرز. يه دفعه تركه تفنگ رو ميذاره روشقيقه يارو ميگه: هوی! فكر نكن من تركم نميفهمم، كمكم داری فرار ميكنیها
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ترکه به رفیقش میگه میخوام دختر شاه روبگیرم رفیقش می گه دست بردار مگه کشکیه ترکه میگه بابا من که راضیم ننم هم که راضیه فقط مونده شاه با دخترش
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يه روز يه خره لنز ميزنه، ميره تو جنگل. همه حيوونا نيگاش ميكردن ميگه: چيه! تا حالا آهو نديدين
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يه روز يه فيله داشت تو رودخونه شنا ميكرد يه مورچه مياد بيرون ميگه:آقا فيله يه دقه ميای بيرون فيله ميگه : واسه چی مورچه ميگه : يه دقه بيا فيله هم مياد بيرون مورچه خوب فيله رو نگا ميكنه بعد ميگه: خوب هيچی برو فيله كلافه ميشه ميگه: دددددددددد يعنی چی مورچه ميگه : هيچی فكر كردم كه مايومو تو پوشيدی
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مامانه برا بچش لالايی می خونده يه نيم ساعتی كه می گذره بچهه ميگه خوب ديگه مامان بسه ديگه می خوام بخوابم
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به يه بابايی ميگند : شنيدی رئيسِ بهشت زهرا رو گرفتند؟ ميگه نه! واسه چی؟ ميگند: آخه سئوالهای شب اول قبر را لو داده
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[Rasputin]

One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards with some friends.

Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across the table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on. He sat up and was flushed.

He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and said, " Did you like what you saw?" Mike said "Yes I did." She said, Well you can get more than that but it will cost you $500." So Mike thought about this financial situation and said, "O.K." She said, "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then." Mike said, "I'll see you then."

The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left. Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today" She said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did." Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you."

[Rasputin]

A woman walks into a pharmacy and tentatively approaches the pharmacist. The pharmacist, seeing her hesitancy, asks if there is anything that he can do for her. She asks him in a quiet voice, "Do you carry extra large condoms?" He points to where they are and asks if she wants to purchase a box. She says, "No, but do you mind if I wait here until someone does?"

[Rasputin]

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Smith advised her, "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."

She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual.

Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."

A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?" He leaned closer, winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock..."

[Rasputin]

Why do women like circumcised men? Because they can't resist 10% off.

[Rasputin]

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. "What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone."

The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully you dumb *** horse. For the last time . . . BRING POSSEEEE!!!!"

[Rasputin]

There was a church that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons, (if you eat them they make you pucker, because they are so sour) and rub them on your breasts and maybe they would shrink in size. She agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit and said:


"Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we will not hath a thermon tewday."

[Rasputin]

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh Mum! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

[Rasputin]

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked."

[Rasputin]

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much.

However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said.... "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."

She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."

Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...

As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room!

Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. "You told me you penis was the size of an infant!", she said.

"Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!"